This morning the dogs crawled through a hole in the fence and went into the neighbors’ yard to play with their dogs. Apparently this is not the first time it has happened. Incidentally, the first time it happened I was asleep and Kathryn was in the shower so neither of us heard the husband when he was knocking on our front door. Worse still, the neighbors keep their back door open in the morning so their dogs can come in and out as they please. So when our dogs make their uninvited visit, they go directly into the neighbors’ house, play with their dogs and annoy their cat. Fortunately, they are super nice people. So when I went over there this morning to collect our dogs, we had a nice chat about his dogs escaping yesterday and his other neighbor returning them. It’s a neighborhood thing I guess. To top it all off, our dogs were too excited to come home, so I ended up picking one up and tucking him under one arm while I drug the other back by the scruff of her neck. All in all, it wasn’t the greatest way to wake up.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Saturday morning we loaded up the dogs and headed to the dog park. Unfortunately, we never made it. Instead, we ended up spending most of the day running errands and getting ready for a barbeque dinner we were hosting--one that we had decided to hold just before falling asleep the night before. The dogs, however, did get to go inside two pet stores and help pick out their toys and treats. So it wasn’t a total waste on their end. Also, couple of friends brought their part-greyhound puppy over when they came for the dinner, so the dogs spent several hours running circles in our backyard.

But back to the meal. First I rubbed seasoning on cubed pieces of steak. Then I made a BBQ-Mango marinade and glaze while Kathryn deveined a bunch of jumbo shrimp. We marinated the shrimp while I cut up red, green, and yellow peppers, zucchini, onion, and mushrooms. Then skewered everything, slapped them on the grill and hit ‘em repeatedly with the glaze. Kathryn made coconut-mango rice and I spent the last few minutes whipping up a double-pitcher dose of Mojitos. One friend brought some salad, another brought some beer and it was a meal made in heaven.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We adopted a new rescue dog, Samson, formerly Badger. Technically we’re still in the trial phase, but I don’t see us giving him back – even if he ate one of the eyes off my sock monkey and has run away twice. Shilo seems to be much happier with a companion, and that’s the important thing. We just have to get him into doggie school ASAP.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My parents drove back to Michigan this morning after spending five days with us. While Kathryn and I worked, they took in the sights. Then in the evenings, as per the usual Jamros tradition, we ate our way across the city. We also hit up trivia, played pool, listened to music, ate cake and visited the dog park. As sad as it was to see the car drive away this morning, it will be nice to have my bed back tonight.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Woohoo for her. It seemed to be a surprise. She new it was coming at the end of the year, but it kind of snuck up on her.

I’m trying to post more, but between work, freelance work, and painting the house, I haven’t had a whole lot of free time lately. Parents are coming down this weekend with their new puppy and I can’t wait for Shilo to have a friend for a little while.

Kind of a short post, but I’m on my way out the door.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 06:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I threw darts for maybe ten minutes last night; my shoulder has been in dull, aching pain all day today. During lunch I popped two advil and put a heating pad on it—that took care of the pain for a few hours. But it’s back now. Stupid darts.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’ve been watching my dog lately, just observing the way she interacts with the world, and it’s got me thinking. Watching her flip out when I put her collar on has made me wonder when was the last time I was so excited about something that I couldn’t control myself? I mean completely, lose control; as in spinning in circles, jumping up and down, and yelling. I can’t think of a time that I have ever been that excited. Not now when a new video game comes out. Not a few weeks ago when I got my new job and moved to Memphis. Not as a kid on Christmas morning or at a birthday party. Not ever.

I just can’t relate to that level of excitement. I can relate to her barking at a noise in the middle of the night. I can relate to her look of bliss when I scratch her belly. I can even relate to her clinging need to press right up against me when she sleeps. And yet, I just can’t relate to the way she completely loses it when I pick up a ball to throw or pull her leash out of the bag.

I wonder what it’s like to be that lost in excitement. I also feel just a tiny twinge of jealousy that it all comes from something so simple.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 06:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Last night we celebrated Kathryn’s birthday with a sushi dinner followed by a Freak Engine Improve show, and then it was drinks, fried food, and cheesecake at the Celtic Crossing bar. Tonight we see the Memphis Roller Derby and then we hang out with the Rollergirls at the Young Avenue Deli. Tomorrow, we’re off to the dog park so Shilo can get some much-needed exercise.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When Mark first heard I was moving to Memphis he sent me a long string of text messages that culminated with his coining the term “Memphibian.” I like it. I adopted it. I am a Memphibian.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Technically, this is the first day of week two. But I since my previous post was Last Day, I wanted to continue the theme. I’m getting settled into my new job and new life in Memphis. The job is great – I enjoy the challenge of the work and everyone I work with is close to my age, which is a much-welcomed change. As I’ve never been much of a car guy, the learning curve is pretty steep, but everyone is friendly and there are plenty of resources to utilize. On top of that, I enjoy learning about new topics. So things are good.

Outside of work, we’ve been slowly unpacking and integrating all of our stuff. There are still a lot of unopened boxes, but it’s coming together. Our donate-to-good-will box is overflowing with things we no longer have use or space for. We’ve also spent a fair amount of time finding new places to eat in the neighborhood.

So that’s that. I’ll try to update a little more often now that the big storm of moving and job starting is over and things are slowing down a bit.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I couldn’t sleep this morning, because of nerves I suppose. So I woke up early and ended up at work a few minutes early for my last day at Life Plus. It’s a strange feeling to know I will never be in this office again after today. But it’s hard to feel too sad when people keep bringing in treats. There are roasted walnuts, pastries, cupcakes, tarts, and cheese and crackers. It’s going to be a melancholy but delicious last day here.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I haven’t been very good about posting here lately, mostly because I’ve been so busy. However, since I got an email from my grandpa asking why he had to hear from my cousin that I’m moving, I thought I better put up and update.

The big news is that I’m moving to Memphis in just a few days. I found a new job in Memphis and will be moving in with Kathryn this coming weekend. We’ve got a 102-year-old shotgun house one street back from the cultural epicenter of the Memphis art scene. The neighborhood is full of old houses, funky stores, and hip restaurants—some a little too hip, but most have been great so far.

This all happened just as the annual Life Plus Miami trip was coming up, which is one reason I haven’t posted—no time or energy. I had to call my boss, who was already in Miami, on her cell to give my two weeks notice. Then instead of packing my house and getting my affairs in order, I spent five days in Miami. Not to complain, it was a fun trip as always. The timing was just a bit off.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It’s snowing again today, with a forecast of a twelve inch accumulation by tomorrow. As most people are barricaded indoors at the moment, I took this opportunity to get my hair cut. Just as I suspected, there was no line and everything was going perfect until the hairdresser took the tiny clippers to my ears. After doing the standard close-up around the outside of my ears, she then proceeded to use the clippers IN my ears. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I’ve reached the point in my life where the insides of my ears have become part of my haircut.

Oh also, accidentally shaved off my beard last night. I was trying to trim it up a bit and took off a big chunk. The only thing to do was mow it all down. It was a sad evening. But now my chin, head, and ears are all trimmed and looking good.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Traditionally, I’ve never been much of a scarf wearer. However, when my big sis started knitting, I got jealous of every else’s handmade scarves and asked her to make one for my Christmas present. She did and I immediately fell in love with it. I never knew the back of my neck could be so warm. I had no idea how much warmer in general my chin and torso could be when I’m out and about in cold weather. This was a couple of years ago. I’ve dutifully worn my scarf every day the temperature dips below 45 since. This past Friday I discovered a new use for my scarf.

Thursday night an ice storm blew through encasing Batesville in a thin shell of ice. By Friday morning the precipitation had evolved into snow, and after accidentally sighing loudly while looking out the window at work, my boss sent me home around ten in the morning so I could drive to Memphis before the proposed eight inches of snow accumulated. Before getting out of town I had to fill my gas tank. This how it happened:

1. Pull into gas station. Get out of car.
2. Put credit card into thingy and turn to open gas cap.
3. Realize new car (thanks again mom) has gas lid opener lever inside.
4. Open door, push dog back, pull lever, close door.
5. Go back to the pump. Notice lid still closed.
6. Open door, push dog back, pull lever again, close door.
7. Go back to the pump. Notice lid still closed.
8. Realize latch must be frozen due to aforementioned ice storm.
9. Open door, shove dog back, pull lever forcefully, close door.
10. Go back to the pump. Realize lid is not going to open.
11. Try to pry lid open with finger nails. Wince and stop.
12. Try to pry lid open with car keys. No luck.
13. Think maybe I loosened it.
14. Open door, shove dog back, pull lever again, close door.
15. Go back to the pump. No luck.
16. Wedge keys into crack in lid.
17. Open door, wrestle dog back, pull lever, hear keys drop, close door.
18. No luck.
19. Wedge keys even further into crack in lid.
20. Open door, wrestle dog back, pull lever, hear keys drop, close door.
21. Still no luck.
22. Try to pry lid open with keys.
23. Measure arm span and discover it woefully to short to reach both lever and lid at the same time.
24. Consider trying to pull lever with foot.
25. Try to pry lid open with keys.
26. Open door, fight dog back, take off scarf.
27. Realize Sarah’s expert craftswomanship made scarf too tightly knitted to fit lever into gap in yarn.
28. Try anyway. Fail.
29. Fight dog back again.
30. Fold scarf in half, loop fold around lever.
31. Walk carefully back to tank with scarf ends in hand, yelling at dog to stay.
32. Dig keys into crack, pull on scarf, cheer in excitement as lid pops open.
33. Put scarf back on, close door, pump gas.

Thanks Sarah. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Something I’m realizing is that snow makes me happy—very happy. I got to drive though a whole bunch of snow and ice this weekend and I loved every second of it. I even enjoyed the harrowing seconds spent passing semi trucks as they spit frozen slush all over my windows. I’m fairly certain more than a few curse words were directed my way as I cruised past other drivers on my way to Memphis Friday while the snow was still coming down. I loved that too, because I knew I was driving within my limits.

At one point I had to stop to knock the accumulated ice of my wipers. When I stepped out of the car I was hit with a blast of near horizontal freezing, stinging, icy mist. I loved it. I loved going into the gas station and escaping the cold for a few minutes, then heading back out into the inclement weather. I loved later in the night when we walked carefully across the iced over sidewalks to a nearby restaurant for dinner. I even loved getting ready for the drive and possible disaster by putting on two pairs of wool socks and my boots before hefting an armload of emergency blankets and candles into my backseat.

I love snow.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I haven’t shaved in nearly three weeks. It started when I spent my unexpected week in Memphis. Since I hadn’t planned on being there so long, I didn’t pack my razor. When I got back to Batesville, I was too busy and stressed to bother shaving. And now, I just figured it’s come this far, why not let it keep going; although I have had to trim the mustache area to keep it out of my mouth. My beard is a little thing and scraggly, but it’s fun and gives me something to tug on when I’m thinking.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

While putting powdered creamer in my coffee:

Her, “I have real cream in the fridge if you want it.”
Me, “I don’t mind this stuff.”
Her, “You know they use that to start fires in the army.”
Me, “I use it to start fires in my taste buds.”

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I finally found Throwback Pepsi. And by finally, I mean I spent a couple of days scouring the shelves of about three stores. Throwback Mountain Dew was all over the place, but it took a couple days to locate the real treasure. Still, I wish my quest had been a little questier, so the reward would more aptly match the searching, because when I popped the top on my first can this morning, it was like popping the top on a can of pure liquid happiness. High-fructose corn syrup has been ruined forever. I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully enjoy a non-throwback version of pop ever again.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

At 5:00 a.m. Monday morning I jumped in my jeep and started back to Batesville. Twenty or thirty minutes later, my jeep’s engine over heated and oil pressure dropped. I was stuck on the side of the road in the freezing temperatures while waiting for Kathryn to come pick me up. By the time she got to me, all ten of my toes were aching horribly from the cold. Shilo seemed fine. When we got back to Kathryn’s I crawled back into bed until 8:00. Then I found and called a mechanic. Around 8:15 the tow truck driver called me for specifics about where my jeep was located. I spent the next eight hours worrying about whether or not my jeep was going to be fixable and if so, how much it would cost. Around 4:00, I finally called to see what was going on. The mechanic said my jeep had just arrived not ten minutes ago. Why it took the tow truck eight hours to retrieve my jeep, I have no idea. But at that point I was told I would have to wait until the morning to hear anything. So now it’s the morning and I haven’t heard anything yet. I called my boss yesterday and today I’m working on a couple of articles for the magazine. Of course I wasn’t expecting to be in Memphis this long so my phone’s battery is just about dead and I didn’t pack a charger. I turn it on every hour or so to check for voicemail. So far, I’ve heard nothing. So I’m working and waiting and worrying. The three Ws. The good news is, my week can really only get better from this point.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

1. Drink less pop
2. Write more

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Dear ATT,

I hate you. I don’t hate you for your piss-poor 3G coverage like a lot of people do. Nor do I hate you for monopolizing the iphone. I don’t even hate you for your draconian early termination fees, over-priced phones, or wretched customer service. The reason I hate you is the mysterious $18.00 “upgrade” fee you charged me when I renewed my contract and took advantage of your free “upgrade” option. What does this fee cover I wonder? I’m the one who has to do the work. I’ll be the one opening my old phone and removing the SIM card. I’ll also be the one opening the new phone and putting that same SIM card in place. Normally I would charge a $50.00 service fee for doing this. But since I allowed you to keep me as a customer, I will give you a one-time special rate of just $18.00. Please be advised that at this time I only accept cash or certified money order.

Sincerely,
What the Eff Does Your Upgrade Fee Actually Cover?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

That is all

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Been awhile since I’ve updated here. I’ve been super busy at work, with projects backing up months in advance. Awhile ago I took a week off for Christmas vacation just because I could, but now it’s going to be a hugely earned break from the slog I’ve been trudging through.

Part of my recent rush at work was to rewrite all the copy for a new web site we’re putting up. Without getting into the nitty gritty details, I tore it apart. I made it better, faster, stronger—but I know the guy who originally wrote it won’t be happy with a lot of what I did. Tomorrow is the day he comes in to see what we’ve done. Fortunately there are a few levels of people between us so I’m not worried about getting reamed out. But if I end up in the meeting, things might get uncomfortable.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It took me just under twelve and half hours to drive home yesterday. I could have done it a little quicker but I had a dog that needed a few breaks and I drove conservatively since the roads were teeming with cops. The first four hours flew by; the next three slowed down a little; the three after that dragged on forever; but the last two went fairly quick again. Having a good audio book really helped keep my mind occupied. I was so into the story that I almost didn’t want to get out of the jeep when I finally got back to Batesville.

It was raining fairly heavily when I got home but I stood outside for a good twenty minutes with the dog while she stretched her legs. It was actually quite relaxing listening to the raindrops hit the leaves while watching the wind blow waves of mist across the road. In Michigan I had adopted one of my grandpa’s old jackets and his smell was still lingering in it. The odor of memories mingled with the musky scent of fall decay and wet leather so nicely that even when the cold water saturated my hair and began trickling down the back of my neck I didn’t go inside right away. The occasional car drove by, the dog sniffed around the garbage cans, and I quietly rode the familiar waves of melancholy restlessness that come after leaving my friends and family. When I finally did go inside I stuck a pasty in the oven to warm up while I dried off and put a few things away. Then I ate my dinner with fresh pressed apple cider, watched part of a bad movie, and went to bed early.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After dinner and drinks with Bourke at the Claddagh, I’m spending my last nigh in Potterville on the floor surrounded by the dogs, watching a movie with my parents. Tomorrow morning I head back to Batesville on a twelve hour drive with my pup. My jeep is half packed and I have a Steven King book on my mp3 player—I’m ready for the grueling slog back into the south.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I feel sort of extra manly from all things I did to my jeep to get ready for the trip home. The most manliest being, I replaced the oil pressure sending unit all by myself. Not a huge task by any means, but for someone who is definitely not a car guy, I was impressed with my ability to get elbow deep in the engine and sort things out. I also replaced a fuse (I know that one is super easy) and even sewed up a zipper issue on the back window of my soft top. I had the oil changed and a new stereo installed so I wouldn’t have a silent twelve hour drive. I’m ready.

After work I have to swing by my house to grab Shilo before topping off the gas tank, and then I’m heading off. Hopefully I can get a good five hours in tonight before finding a dog-friendly hotel. Fortunately, the time I came up with a cat in the car, I learned that all Days Inns are pet friendly. My little gps should have no trouble finding one for me.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Found this in my inbox tonight. My friends rock...

I noticed you are on day 1774 on your health watch.Only 2 more days until day 1776 without fast food. That is the day you can declare independence from fast food and write your own constitution. Congratulations.
-E

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I was in line at the stinky Kroger a few days ago and I saw something that really annoyed me. And I freely admit, probably more than it should have. Ahead of me were two young women and their children. From their looks, mannerisms, and speech, I took them to be uneducated and probably on the poor side of life. Neither of these things bothered me, but I think they were both contributing factors to what did irk me. One of their kids was a little girl who was small enough to fit comfortably in the cart’s baby seat—I’m no judge of children’s age so take that for what it is. She was eating Cheetos out of a bag in her lap, and at one point she stopped long enough to hand her mom a mostly empty bottle of pop to open for her. This was around six in the evening, so I assume dinner was either already eaten and this was a way of keeping her quiet, or dinner was in the process of being ruined. Now clearly I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent, and clearly I don’t know the entirety of the situation. But what I do know is letting your small child graze on Cheetos and pop while you do your shopping is probably not the healthiest thing to do. In fact, it’s probably right up there topping the list of the unhealthiest things. I’ve also never been comfortable with opening up and eating food while I shop. Maybe I’m elitist or classist or some other –ist, but that has always seemed rather gauche to me. I guess I don’t have a point to make here, other than maybe it annoys me when I see things like this.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Anyone who knows me, knows I had a crush on Emily F. all through elementary school. Anyone who really knows me, knows I had that same crush all the way through high school too. Honestly, it probably actually lingered through the first few years of college too, until memories of her faded a little. Life moved on and I traveled with it. I haven’t though about her in years. But a few nights ago she showed up in one of my dreams. It wasn’t a sex dream exactly, but it was definitely a romantic one. Oddly enough this wasn’t the first time Emily has showed up randomly in a dream like that. It’s strange that I can go years without ever thinking of her, but then my subconscious drags her memory up while I’m asleep.

I think Emily is rooted somewhere deep in my mind because she was the first girl I ever noticed as, well, a girl. I can still remember the day when we were both turning in our class work and our hands touched. It was that exact moment that I began to see girls differently. I was still too young to really understand what I was starting to experience—the entirety of the birds and the bees were a few years away yet. But that was the moment everything started; it was the first peak behind the curtain. I guess that’s why whenever Emily shows up in one of my dreams, it’s never explicitly sexual, it’s more innocent than that. Yet there is always this feeling hinting at something more, life if the dream went a little longer it would turn R rated. It mimics feeling that first glimpse into adulthood I had the day our hands touched. Funny the way the brain works.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I got the go-ahead from my boss to take my extended Thanksgiving vacation. Now I’m spending ten days split between Chicago and Potterville for pure, unadulterated, Midwest living that is sure to be a gun-shooting, gizzard eating, beer-drinking, friend-seeing, xbox-blasting, cold weather-enjoying, family-bonding good time. I’ve been feeling pretty homesick lately so I can’t wait to get back and see everyone. What I can wait for though is dealing with a dog in a jeep for twelve hours straight. That part of the trip should be interesting to say the least. Now I just have to get my jeep into the shop for a hopefully not too expensive fix and I’ll be ready to go.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I spent most of yesterday afternoon on the couch in my dark living room due to a bad headache. My poor doggie was excited that I was home early, but then she couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t play with her. After spending the afternoon on the couch, I was in bed by nine and asleep by ten—a feat I haven’t accomplished in quite some time. I woke up feeling nice and refreshed with no need to hit the snooze. It was a nice way to wake up, but I wouldn’t want to go through another headache just to do it again.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I made a massive pot of stew this weekend. When I say massive, I mean absurdly large for someone living alone. To give you an idea, it started with three pounds of meat—beef and pork for the record. From there it ballooned into measurements such as two bags of this and multiple pounds of that. In case you’re wondering, it turned out amazing. Unfortunately, before I could reheat my first bowl the next day, my microwave broke, essentially sticking me in the culinary Stone Age. What am I supposed to do, reheat stew on the stove like some Neanderthal? I don’t think so.

So today on my lunch break I took a detour to Wal-Mart in order to pick up a new microwave just so I could have a hot lunch. Thanks to the ongoing construction (we’re deep into year two by now) on the only, and I do mean only, road that leads to the end of town where Wal-Mart is, I was way behind normal schedule by the time I got home. And then I had to let the dog out, and then I had to move the old microwave, and then I had to unpackage the new one.

The problem with using an unfamiliar microwave—whether just purchased or simply your friend’s—is that you have no idea what variables will be involved. Will three minutes leave my food tongue meltingly hot or just lukewarm? Do I have to stir halfway through or will the rotating plate thingy be enough? Does the power level actually make a difference? With my maiden nuke, I ended up with a plate of stew that was one half too hot to touch and one half several degrees short of reheated. And yet, despite the danger of not knowing if the next bite would scorch my pallet or not, my rushed lunch was a sublime mix of slow-cooked, flavor-mingling perfection.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I consider myself to be the reigning king of awkward small talk. You know how when a movie ticket taker tells you to enjoy your show and you say, “Thanks. You too.” That’s got nothing on me. Last night I was in the Stinky Kroger wearing my WMU hoodie. A lady approached me from the end of the aisle and this is what we said:

Her: Are you from Michigan?
Me: I sure am.
Her: Me too.
Me: Great!
Her: I saw your shirt.
Me: Thanks.

Having thanked a stranger for noticing my shirt, I awkwardly walked away. Yeah, I’m that smooth. As I’m writing this, I just realized I’ll have to turn this into a Johnny Rockstar cartoon.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

1. Tell boss I'm no longer quitting
2. Tell landlady I'm no longer moving

Ain't embarrassment grand?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Because the internet is the obvious place to tell slightly embarrassing stories about ourselves, I give you the massive zit:

Yesterday I was in the bathroom washing my hands and I glanced in the mirror. I was surprised to see a massive, bright red zit on my nose. The thing had literally sprung up out of nowhere since the last time I had looked in a mirror, probably only hours earlier. I touched it; no pain. That seemed a bit odd for something so large and angrily red. So I picked at it and a corner came loose. I did the logical thing and washed my nose, and the whole thing came right off. It wasn’t a massive zit; it was tomato sauce from dinner! I had been walking around for the last couple of hours with bright red leftovers on my nose. Good thing the only people I had seen were people driving by my front yard while I was playing fetch with Shilo. Otherwise it would have been really embarrassing.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I will never forget the sage-like wisdom my father gave me on the day I graduated from high school. He said, “John, it’s all down hill from here.” To commemorate his birthday, here are a few things I learned from my old man.

How to shoot
How to camp
How to cook over an open fire
How to play poker
How a gentleman wears his belt
How to be nice to people you don’t particularly like
How to fish
How to start a fire with flint and steel
How to buy a car
How to haggle
How to respect women
How to properly diss my friends at the poker table

Happy birthday Dad. What about them Tigers?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My upstairs neighbors have been evicted. Last week when I dropped off the rent check I had a little talk with my landlady about their shenanigans. I told her I was convinced they were the ones responsible for my break-in and I also told her I had noticed several screens had been punched out of their windows where they had tried to install an air conditioner. Seriously, how hard is it to take the screen out first? Anyway, we talked for a couple minutes about their general grossness and later that day while I was waiting for Kathryn to arrive there was a knock on my door. It was the upstairs lady telling me they had been evicted. I can’t say I’m sorry to see them leave. My biggest complaint is all the nasty food they throw off of their balcony. My dog loves to go over there and eat it. Also, the dirty dishes that have been on their steps for weeks. That's pretty gross too.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Smoked Salmon
Salami
Gruyère
Olive Spread
Almonds
Capers
Apple Slices
Crackers and Toast Pieces
Flying Dog Tire Bite Beer

Followed by:
Big Pretzels with spicy mustard and queso dip
Flying Dog Tire Bite Beer

Followed by:
Chocolate cake with ice cream and cherry Framboise sauce
Flying Dog Tire Bite Beer

Followed by:
A little more big pretzel
Flying Dog Tire Bite Beer

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

A few months back I designed a logo at work for possible use on some giveaway bags. It didn’t get chosen. No big deal. Recently I was surprised to see that it’s been popping up on other things. In fact, I had to ask my boss if I had created it because I couldn't remember for sure if it was my design or not. I now have a nice stainless steel water bottle and an insulated travel mug with my logo on it. Another logo I made has found its way onto packaging tape, and yet another is being printed on some boxes. I’ve seen my written work in print for a while now; seeing graphic work on water bottles and such is a whole new deal that I’m really enjoying.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Despite the fact that I had a three hour nap yesterday afternoon and went to bed at nine last night, I’m still extremely tired and feel like I’m made out of one massive pulled muscle. I groan every time I have to stand up, and I walk a little funny because the soles of my feet hurt. I have little cuts and scrapes all over and my sunburn is just beginning to fade. Still, I had a good time working with the Germans last week—or more accurately, working for the Germans. I felt like I had more face time than the other years and people knew my name. It was bittersweet watching them drive away yesterday morning knowing that this was the last Life Plus University that I would ever work on. It may be a grueling week, but it’s a grueling week that I have a lot of fun with. And to cap it all off, my doggie went nuts when I picked her up. It feels good to be missed.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the midst of the Life Plus training blitz, my jeep broke down halfway between Memphis and Batesville. Fortunately, my boss was only a half hour or so behind me on the road and she was able to help. She met up with us (me and my doggie) on the side of the highway as we were walking the couple miles back toward the last gas station we had passed. Flash forward an hour or two and me and the dog are sitting on the shoulder next to my jeep, sharing a gallon of water and trying to not to overheat while we wait for our ride. Flash forward again and my jeep is getting a new water pump while I’ve been chauffeured around by a coworker. There may never be a good time for your car to break down, but there are definitely worse times—during a three hour drive as part of a frenzied week of travel and German hosting falls safely in the worse time.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted three new Johnny Rockstar cartoons today. Enjoy ... or not. It's your prerogative.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I’ve had a small rip in my jeep’s canvas soft top for a while now, but it’s been taken care of with an aluminum tape patching. I’ve kept my eye on it and noticed it needed a little fix. Unfortunately, I forgot to fix it before my most recent trip to Memphis. About halfway through the drive, when I hit the highway, the wind got into a hole and pulled the rip open even more—a lot more. So this weekend I bought a ball of hemp twine and sewed it shut with plans to retape the inside when I got back to Batesville. Repeatedly pushing the needle through canvas and leftover aluminum tape still covered in adhesive was hard work. I didn’t realize until I was just about done that I had formed a large blister on my thumb. Last night I discovered that I had actually formed two blisters—one inside the other. Now I have a lopsided bullseye of fresh pink skin and blister remains on my thumb.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I like my pharmacy. It’s small, the staff is attentive, and the head pharmacist knows what he’s doing—he actually upped one of my prescriptions once because he knew what I had wasn’t enough to stay in my system as long as it needed to. Plus, they have Faygo Red Pop and Grape Soda in the cooler. There’s just one odd thing, and this is the only place I’ve ever experienced this. When I go in to pick up a prescription I always say exactly this: "Pickup for Jamros, J-A-M-R-O-S." If the person hasn’t seen me before she will invariable think I’ve said Jam Ross, and will search the R drawer. Not finding anything there (obviously), we’ll have to have a quick discussion about my last name and how Jam actually would be a very strange first name. I have always picked up my prescriptions by saying and spelling just my last name. No where else has this ever been a phenomenon. Strange.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I’m feeling very restless right now. We’re between magazine issues at work, which means I have very little to do. Aside from the occasional editing task, I really just spend my time idling working light graphics duties. Mostly I spend my mornings waiting for lunch time, and my afternoons waiting for the end of the day. I know we’re about to get super busy with our upcoming training session, but right now I have way too much free time and it’s getting old fast.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We have a big training session for the German’s coming up next month—it’s the time of year when my duties extend into chauffeuring, jet ski wrangling, box moving, team building game setting up, room rearranging, score keeping, and general behind the scenes work. I also get to spend a few nights at the Red Apple Inn, feasting on breakfast and dinner buffets. I have a lot of fun during the whole time. The overtime is really just an added bonus to something I’d do anyway. Before it comes around though I have to get a new pair of tennis shoes as I’ll be doing a whole lot of walking, and a new pair of sunglasses as most of that walking will be done outside.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

My dog and I are both craving exercise. It’s been too hot again down here to get outside and do much of anything but sweat. Thankfully a storm came through last night and the low front dropped the temperature for a few days. We’re going to head to the campus tonight after work and walk around a bit. I might play a little disc golf while Shilo runs around after me. She’s got a penchant for chasing discs, but doesn’t seem to care about picking them up when she’s caught them. So it might end up being a perfect way to wear her out while I get a little play time in.

Lest I become a one trick pony, talking about nothing but my puppy on here, I'll mention that I think Kathryn and I are going to see District 9 this weekend. Should be alien segregationist good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We left Shilo with a friend for a couple days while we attended a wedding this weekend. It was the first time I’ve been away from her since I getting her a few months ago, and I confess I was a bit nervous. But when we picked her up on Sunday I thought she was the perfect combination of happy to see me and yet still seeming to have been well taken care of. I was never really worried that she wouldn’t be well cared for, but since the friend has two other dogs, I was a little worried she wouldn’t want to come home. Turns out she did. Also turns out Jack Daniels is the perfect puppy-sitting currency.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I found Fagyo! I haven’t seen the delicious Detroit-produced nectar of the gods since I moved down here … until yesterday that is. I was pursuing the drinks cooler at the drugstore while waiting for a prescription to be filled when I stumbled upon several flavors of Faygo. You can imagine my astonishment. There were four or five flavors but all I remember are Rock & Rye, Moon Mist and Grape. I bought two cans of grape on the pretense that I’m sick and need to be drinking lots of fluids. Faygo! Can you believe it? Faygo Cola is my all time favorite cola flavor—hands down it beats Coke and Pepsi. I’ve already found a Kroger that sells Verners, now I have a Faygo resource. I’m practically back in the Midwest. Too bad they discontinued Arctic Sun, or I would be requesting the drugstore stocks that one.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have a bad feeling that I’m getting sick. Two days ago I noticed a very light soar throat. That spread into my inner ears as an annoying itchy feeling. Now, I’m getting that nasty run down feeling. I’m going to spend my evening on the couch taking in fluids then go bed early tonight and hope for the best.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After an expensive trip to the vet and a bit of a messy weekend the dog is finally better. Apparently she’s feeling good enough to swipe hotdogs off my plate when I’m not looking. All my sick-puppy sympathy vanished the moment I saw my delicious hot rolling around on the floor.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

My puppy got sick last night, real sick. I’ll spare you the gory details, but I will say that I had to clean up several accidents in the wee hours of the morning, and at one point she was in the front yard with ickiness coming out of both ends. Sometime around five this morning we stopped making emergency runs outside, which I take to be a good sign. However, usually when I’m getting ready for work she follows me around, but today she stayed on her bed until I called her to go outside. If she didn’t already have an appointment at the doggy doctor tomorrow, I’d be taking her in today. Here’s to hoping there’s no messes to clean up when I go home for lunch.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I have a lot of pet peeves; my biggest one is probably people who walk through a door, step out of an elevator, turn down an isle at the grocery store, or otherwise move into a narrow access point and immediately stop thereby blocking all foot traffic while they try to decide where they want to go.

Coming in at a close second is celebrity gossip passed off as real news. I turn the tv on every morning and listen to the news while I get ready for work. I used to watch Good Morning America because it was the only channel I had—even though more often than not, I was annoyed by their definition of news, which consisted of entirely too much celebrity gossip and self-aggrandizing puff pieces about themselves. Lately, now that I have more channels to choose from, I’ve been watching the Today Show, which for the most part has been better, a lot better actually. However, I’m getting real tired of hearing about Michael Jackson. Every station, every morning talks about the death of this man who anyone should be hard pressed to deny was a washed up pedophile with an incredible dysfunctional family. Hearing some random personality theorize about where his severely effed-up kids are going to end up is not news. Telling me about the uprising in Iran is news. I hate you Good Morning America. And I’m getting closer to hating you Today Show. Bring back real news.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saw wicked this weekend. Good show, especially the first half crescendo and the “Popular” song/scene. It’s not very often you see a scene so funny that even the professional actors start laughing. I’d have to say I liked Avenue Q a little better, but still Wicked was a lot of fun.

Saturday night we took a trip to Beale street so I could take some pictures. I’m experimenting with High Dynamic Range photography again. I got a few interesting shots that show promise. Plus, we watched a cook make the best tasting most fat saturated hamburgers ever. Picture this: Burgers being boiled in grease. Take the burger out, slap some cheese on it, dip it back in the grease, press the now saturated burger into the bun so the bread soaks up the grease, then put the a burger in basket with a handful of fries. I’ll never order one of those, but hot-damn they looked so good. Interestingly, despite the fact I was there solely to take pictures of Beale, I didn't get one of the grease burgers in action.

Finally, on the way home last night I had a tire blow out. Then I had a little struggle with the jack and Shilo kept insisting on trying to help, but as I looked around at the fields and trees around me, I realized it wasn’t a bad spot to break down at. Combine the blowout with my nearly bald front tires and I’m going to get all new ones this afternoon. Not exactly an expense I was expecting, but still it will feel good to have handled the problem. There is a strange satisfaction gotten from successfully dealing with unexpected problems. Maybe it’s the Y chromosome problem solver in me, but when this is all said and done, I’ll be feeling really good.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For my birthday Kathryn got us tickets to see a broadcast of Michael Feldman’s “Whad’Ya Know?” in Memphis this past weekend. I’ve often wondered how a show like that looks when it’s being performed, and now I know. It was a great time even if he didn’t pick my question: Who would win in a footrace, Superman or the Flash? The funniest part was this:

Some person: We’ve got fried green tomatoes.
Michael Feldman: That’s a southern thing. We don’t really have fried green tomatoes in the north.
SP: What do you do with green tomatoes?
MF: We let then ripen … then rot.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Took half a day of yesterday with a headache and spent my afternoon on the couch in the dim light of my living room with all the shades closed. I felt back because Shilo really wanted some lovin' but I didn't want to be bothered. Eventually it got better but I didn’t move very far. I spent the evening on the futon watching movies with Shilo. She knows she’s not supposed to get up the furniture so at first she wouldn’t jump up. But I really felt like cuddling with my doggie in front of the tv so I coaxed her up. Then she wouldn’t get down. Usually if I leave the room she follows. But not last night; I think she was afraid that I wouldn’t let her back up. I love my dog. She’s awesome. Today I brought two new toys home for her on my lunch break—she couldn’t decide which to play with so she took them both to her bed and chewed on one then the other and back again.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This week is flying by. It feels like it should only be Monday afternoon. Probably mostly due to the fact I have big deadlines next week. It’s the theory of relativity … or proportionality … or something—the speed of time increases exponentially as my deadlines approach. Bitch-ass Einstein.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sarah and Bryan visited Memphis this past weekend. Bryan’s dad and his girlfriend happened to be there too, so we went out with them a few times. Just seeing my sister and Bryan was great. I’m looking forward to the stage in life where I’ll be able to see all my family more than just a handful of times a year. But back to Memphis; we hit Stax, Sun Studios, the site of MLK’s assassination, Graceland (Sarah and Bryan only), Beale St for authentic blues and amazing rockabilly and the two best BBQ joints in the city. It was dog-walking, beer-drinking, nose-piercing, face-stuffing, sister-visiting, chocolate-martini-making, disc-throwing, trivia-playing, kiwi-hugging, toothpick-shooting good time. Somewhere in the middle of all that, Sarah taught my dog to lie down, which is nice. I miss them already and I’m in serious need of a nap after my 4:45 am wakeup.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s pouring right now. The good news is that a nice lady at work rolled my jeep windows up for me. The bad news is that I didn’t zip the back window on this morning like I had thought about. So my front seats will be nice and dry, but there’s a good chance I’ll find a small lake in the back. On top of what’s already being soaked, depending how fast the storm is moving, I’ll probably end up driving through it again on my way to Memphis tonight … still without my back window in.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The physical part of the big move is done. Kathryn and I managed to get all my stuff moved into my new place, including that incredibly heavy foosball table. That hard part is done, now I just have to finish sorting through all my boxes and do some heavy cleaning to the new place. But it’s taking shape and starting to look pretty good.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I finally got my dog! Sunday morning we picked Shilo (after the Neil Diamond song) up from a couple who run a dog rescue out of their home. We took her straight to a park to get her some exercise so she’d be calm when she met Kathryn’s cats. Then we stopped at Starbucks where we sat outside with her. Later we ate dinner at Mount Olive, and after she calmed down, Shilo laid down next to me and never begged for food once. Monday we took her to what turned out to be a dog park. It was a little unnerving since we only got her the day before, but she did great. My puppy seems to be the kind of dog who wants to make friends with every dog she comes across. She seems to be fairly smart, though a little clumsy. She’s already responding to her new name. The best part is she came house and crate trained.

Pictures at Flickr

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The next few days are going to be a whirlwind of activity. Actually, it's going to be a busy 12 day stretch. Today, I pick up my tux and have dinner at Joe’s with Nana and my parents. Tomorrow is the rehearsal dinner, followed by a slumber party. Then it’s the wedding day, which should be fairly busy all day; the next morning I basically pack up and head home. I’ll get in, spend some time with Kathryn, go to bed, wake up and get my dog. After that, I’ll have one day of relaxing with Kathryn and my puppy before I get busy packing and moving.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm signing the lease for my new place tonight. Let me describe it to you as if I were a cowboy with a bad grasp of grammar.

Yonder homestead be made o’ rocks on the outside an got wood for the inner parts; ceilin beams and floors and such. It’s got them fancy double glass winders along the sides, an a big ol’ wood-burner in the livin room. Kitchen’s a might bit larger than my-own now and it’s got all the modern luxuries. It’s only got the one bunkin room, but overall, seems to me that there’s more acreage. There's even dining area, which means lots o’ room for entertainin kinfolk and guests and such. Plus’n, there’s a high-fallooten entry way and more’an couple shelves built into them there walls. Some folk might say she be a little rough around the edges. I guess they might speak true, but she’s got a lot o’ character and for me, well that accounts for a lot. Seein as she makes the road to work a little shorter, and with all manner o’ critters bein allowed indoors, I’d surely say it’s darn near high-ace. I’ll be looking to move in directly. Just as soon as I come-a-home from the weddin, ‘tiss.

Painted drawins here.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I keep running into government subsidized housing in my apartment search. I’ve always known that I live in a poor area, but the amount of subsidized housing in this town is staggering. It makes it harder for me to find a new place to live since I keep getting told I make too much money—which is funny in it’s not-funny way. Too much money? I wish. I also may end up downgrading to a one bedroom. My second bedroom now is mainly used for storage, so it won’t be the end of the world. If I do go that route, I’m going to use it as an excuse to seriously declutter my life. Clothing, furniture, toys, old electronics, books I’ll never read again, and anything else I can do without will be gone.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I’m being evicted. Apparently, the college that I rent my apartment from needs it to for student housing due to a record number of students this year. I found a letter in my mailbox this morning informing me that I have sixty days to vacate. While not the end of the world, it is a serious pain that will undoubtedly end up costing several hundred dollars in moving expenses—especially from those bullshit ones like “transferring” my internet connection. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a place that accepts pets so I can finally get my dog.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sometime last week I noticed that all the trees suddenly have leaves again. It felt like the change came overnight, and it put me in the mood to be outside. So, despite an alleged 40 percent chance of thunderstorms, we took our first camping trip of the season this weekend. It turned out to be warm and (mostly) sunny the whole time, which made for a beautiful trip spent reading, hiking, cooking over the fire, and playing scrabble. We’re already itching to go again, but between our separate and combined commitments, we won’t be able to until June. Hopefully the temperature will not have risen too incredibly high by then.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I’ve been given some graphic design tasks for work lately, in between those I had my own photoshop project going on. I took images of motorcycles, cars, engines, appliances, tools, silver wear, scrap metal and various other odds and ends and combined them to make this guy. He’s composed of well over a hundred layers, and if you click on him, you can see a massive image of it.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Sorry for the absence. I spent a week back home in Michigan for a funeral and was too busy spending time with my family to think about the internet much. I’m back now and hopefully I’ll be motivated enough to get back to blogging.

My first weekend back on a normal schedule was a busy one. Friday night we went out with some friends and saw The Dempseys. Saturday we went to the cheap theater and watched Benjamin Button. Then it was sushi with other friends and back to their house for a few hours of Rock Band followed by a scary movie. Let me tell you, Kathryn can wail on the drums a whole heck of a lot better than I was ever able to.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’m waiting for a phone call that I know is coming but I don’t want to receive. To take the call, to answer the phone, will be to acknowledge the inevitable and accept the unacceptable fact that a piece of my current life has slipped into my past with the soft hiss of a trillion grains of sand passing through time. Despite my dislike for them in general, my cell phone is usually within reach—in my pocket, on my desk, charging on the coffee table—but I’ve never been so acutely aware of its presence or felt it weigh so heavily in my pocket. Nor have I ever been so scared to hear it ring, or so reluctant to answer when it does. But when the time comes I will answer it, and I will follow the chain of motions set off as consequence. I will feel the sand turn damp with tears, and I, wrapped in the warm of my family, will look back with fondness at the beach I can no longer visit. And in the deepest of my sadness, I will remember that there are other trails of sand to follow, other beaches to enjoy. Even as these run out, more will come and go long after my own hour glass has emptied. That is fact. That is life.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Awhile back now, Kathryn’s computer was stolen out of her apartment. It was a scary event, but since that time she ordered a new, much more powerful one. It arrived Wednesday night and since I’m working from Memphis this week, I’ve been keeping one eye on setting it up while I read about the importance of daily fiber intake for an article I’m writing. While doing this, I realized I really enjoy setting up new computers. I make a list of the programs I need to cobble together and methodically go down it, downloading, transferring, installing, configuring, and scratching off every time. There’s something, almost comforting—no, more like relaxing in the process.

In unrelated news, I reserved a beachside campsite on Lake Michigan for Casey’s bachelor party yesterday. The weekend before the wedding, we’ll be heading for a weekend of camping, golfing and bar hopping in Muskegon. I can’t wait.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I worked on my super-secret picture project for two hours last night and made significant progress, though it’s going to be many more hours before I’m even close to done. Still, it felt good to make a dent. It’s also fun to look at all the old pictures of my family, especially the ones of my parents when they were teenagers. After that I rode my bike peddles while slaying zombies for half an hour. Then I played a round of virtual golf before reading for a while. All in all, it was a nice evening.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I opened the window above my bed last night to let a cool breeze in and fell asleep to the sound rain and the smell of fresh cut grass. Sometimes it really is the simple things in life.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The vacation is over. Kathryn had much more of a vacation that I did, as I was working at least a little every day. But we both had a lot of fun, and ate mountains of good food. Oysters on the half shell (twice), Cuban coffee, fried plantains, mojitos, gourmet pizza, baba ganoush, smoked salmon and cream cheese, lots of fresh fruit and more and more. While I was working, Kathryn did a lot of exploring the downtown Miami area. When we had time together we flew kites, saw South Beach and wandered around the bay front near the hotel. If only I hadn’t sideswiped a pole with the rental van, it would have been a perfect work trip/vacation.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We flew into Miami early this afternoon and we’ll be here until next Saturday. I’m the second person from the office to arrive and the only one at this hotel for a few days. I’ll be working on and off all week but during the off times, I’ll sightseeing with Kathryn, since she’s here with me on her spring break. Museums, zoos, galleries, and oyster bars ahoy!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s Kathryn’s birthday today, and she’s stuck at work late tonight for a PTA meeting. So wish her a happy birthday or suffer the wrath of Khan. I’m taking her out for sushi tomorrow, where I will inevitably get the Philly Roll and the Crunchy Shrimp Roll because that’s all I ever order. Not the most traditional choices, but hey, I know what I like.

Also, I just realized I forgot to put my belt on this morning. I guess I was distracted with the ice and snow. As soon as I put my pants on, I went out and started my jeep so it could warm up and defrost some of the ice before I got to scraping. Then I went back inside to finish getting ready and apparently forgot to put my belt on. How embarrassing! See that? An exclamation point. That’s how embarrassing it is. I look like an Ell Seven. What’s more, I have to swing by the bank before I can go home for lunch to put one on, so I have to look this way in front of the bank people. At least I’ll have by coat on to partially hide my shame.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Don’t try to wake up at five in the morning and drive three hours before going to work the day after we “spring forward” for daylight savings. It’s not going to end well. Save that trip for when we “fall back” or you’ll be like me, three cups deep into a coffee fueled day and already looking forward to bedtime before the ten a.m. mark.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

In exchange for helping Kathryn’s friend get ready for a massive yard sale, we got first pick through the stuff and a friend’s discount. Kathryn picked up a nifty vase and some cool old shirts, but I think I came away the real winner. I grabbed a handful of awesome records including David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust. Too bad we’re in Memphis this weekend because I can’t listen to my new treasures until I get back to Batesville where my record player is. Here’s what I found:

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Symphonion Dream
Steve Miller Band - Anthology
Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen
Jimmy Buffett – Living and Dying in ¾ Time
David Bowie – Ziggy Stardust
Heart – Dreamboat Annie

I also grabbed a 45 of BTO featuring You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet and Takin' Care of Business, but it slipped out of its sleeve somewhere in the darkness from the house to the car and I don’t think I’ll be seeing it again. What a shame.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The new site is about 99 percent done. I just have to hit the rebuild button one last time, but I keep forgetting to do that at home and I don't want to do it at work. Maybe tonight I'll finally think to do it.

In celebration of the new site, I made this word cloud from all my posts in 2008. If you're not familiar with how a word cloud works, the most often repeated words are the largest. As the frequency of use goes down, the words are smaller. I'm a little disappointed that "just" seems to be the word I used the most, but judging by how this turned out, there are some interesting trends in what I say. Click to see a bigger version.

ps
Thanks to my mom for showing me the nifty online program that made the cloud.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

As you have undoubtedly noticed, I've made a few changes to the site. Please bear with me while I figure out how to fix everything I broke making the change.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I have no idea how scientific this actually is, but I for one can still hear the noise. I have the ears of a teenager!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

The temperature has warmed up a little down here. It’s cool, but not quite cold, so lately I’ve been wearing my vintage cardigan and one of the golf caps I got for Christmas. I really like the look. I think it’s a good combination, and it’s perfect for listening to The Argyle Pimps, which I do from time to time. Speaking of music, I think widr is streaming again (possibly they have been for awhile, I just looked them up recently), which means I can get SwaG! again. I foresee myself on the couch this Wednesday, listening to streaming SwaG! and blasting zombies while wrapped in the smooth comfort that is my sweater and golf cap.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’m working on a super-secret project that will require thousands and thousands of pictures relating to the Jamros family and its friends and relatives. If you have any images that you could donate, I would most grateful. Ultimately, I need all of the images to be in digital form, but I can scan and mail back any hard copies.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Things that annoy me on a day-to-day basis:

People who walk through a doorway, get out of an elevator, step off an escalator, etc. and immediately stop, blocking all foot traffic behind them

Adults who loudly slurp coffee, or any other beverage for that matter

People who hold up parking lot traffic waiting absurdly long amounts of time to get a spot just a little bit closer to the door

People who don’t realize other people aren’t listening to them

Things that I enjoy on a day-to-day basis:

My morning ritual of juice and a breakfast bar while surfing through all my various daily web pages

Driving my jeep

Scalding hot showers when the temperature in my apartment is cool/cold

Listening to the clicking of multiple keyboards in the office (especially when nobody is talking)

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I’m a dog person. As such, I’ve never spent much time around kittens. Here are a few things I’ve learned watching Kathryn’s new kitten.

They have limitless energy… until they collapse.

They have no problems pouncing on you when you are sound asleep.

They are fascinated by everything, especially when you’re in the bathroom.

There is no place they can’t get on top of.

They have large heads and small bodies.

They have needle-sharp claws.

They have no idea why you yell when the claw the crap out of you.

They often come with pets of their own including, but not limited to, tape worms and bacteria.

They are far less judgmental than adult cats.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I just got off the phone with my bank - my account had been flagged because it showed two transactions of just a few cents each from France. Apparently that’s a sign somebody got my card number and was probing to see if the account was valid. So my card has been suspended, which by the way caused a bit of a problem at two gas stations, and the only way I can get money is by going into a branch or writing a check. Since my bank doesn’t exist down here I guess it checks. And since I don’t want to be bothered with checks, I guess it’s my credit card. This is how responsible I’ve become: I’m going to keep track of all my purchases I make on the credit card and just pay them all off as soon as my new debit card comes. Disgusting I know. The only me would have just racked up some credit card debt and worried about paying it off later. The old way was more fun.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I just started a new hobby, and I’m super stoked. I got a Dremel for Christmas (well, two actually, but one turned into the wicked-awesome anime series Samurai 7) so I’ve been looking for projects to use it on. When I found out I could use it to cut through copper pipe I decided to make a steampunk desk lamp. Halfway through that I was inspired to sketch several other designs that I can’t wait to tackle. I’m already moving on to the new ideas from the half-finished desk lamp because I’m stalled looking for the perfect piece in one section and these new designs are less lamp and more art, made primarily with wood, copper, brass, and various electronic guts. I have a few more ideas in my head that incorporate over-sized clockwork gears, but those are on the backburner.

I actually have a bit of a history piecing together lamps. You may remember my Mad Scientist Laboratory Lamp I created last year… or you may not. I’ve also rewired several of Kathryn’s lamps and I once created a rather large arch of sparks in the Print Maker’s warehouse when I crossed a couple of wires working on an extension cord draped through the rafters. Good times.

PS
Things should be just about back to normal here - the inter-tubes have been re-aligned. Thanks for sticking with me through the nonsense.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After two solid days of freezing rain the office is nearly empty today. Some people aren’t coming in because of icy roads and some aren’t coming in because they’re dealing with massive power outages. Some are using both excuses. I’m here because I’m from Michigan, which everyone points out when they see me at my desk. “It isn’t big deal for you is it?” Actually, no, not at all. Slip it into four wheel and drive a little slower than normal—piece of cake. Yesterday when an iced over tree cracked and nearly fell on my jeep when I drove by, that was sort of a big deal. It wasn’t big enough to kill me, but the branches probably would have ripped right through my soft top, which would have been a serious pain to deal with.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

So much of our weekend lives revolve around where to eat. A little while back I got one of those nifty GPS things for the car, so now we like to let "Samantha" find us fun places to eat. Today she took us to Yang's Deli, an awesome deli that served not just traditional deli sandwiches but also grilled sandwiches ala cheesestakes and more gourmet ones like muffalettas. The menu also contained fried shrimp and fish meals, and an entire Chinese food menu. It had something for everyone I guess. That is to say, something for everyone as long as they like sandwiches, fried food or Chinese food.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Well, I'm back. I won't bore you with the specifics; partly because I don't really know any of them. Fortunately, not a whole lot has happened in the down time. Let me catch you up. I bought the soundtrack to the Best Little Whore House in Texas with Burt Reynolds on vinyl. Later that day Kathryn got a new kitten. Then, we got our tickets to Miami for my fun/work trip in March. It'll be extra nice this year with Kathryn joining me for the adventure. Finally, Kathryn's other cat was declawed and just came home. He's sore, super high, and won't stop trying to play even though it's against doctor's orders.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A small but super-enjoyable part of my job is creating html emails for special announcements sent to our customers. I get so much enjoyment out of it because I’m involved in the entire process. I get to write the copy in the actual message, design the graphics and create the css that holds it all together in a way that looks pretty. Plus they go out in multiple languages so I get to say I work on internationally distributed communications, which sounds impressive. I say all this because I just finished up with one such email yesterday and came in to work this morning to find the test in my inbox, all pretty and shiny and ready to go for real.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

If you haven’t heard already, Casey and his fiancé, Amelia, were in a nasty car accident last Thursday night. They’re still in the hospital being worked on and recovering, however the good news is they will both eventually be fine. Still, it’s hard to hear about your friends in pain even if you know the ultimate outcome is expected to be good.

In between phone updates from Trisha and visits to the coffee shop for internet access to check Nick’s updates, we moved Kathryn into a new apartment this weekend. Kathryn and I spent Saturday morning lugging boxes up three flights of stairs and we’re both still sore. Fortunately, she hired movers for the big stuff and they had plenty of room and time to get all the small stuff we hadn’t moved yet or we would be even achier. But her new place is great and she will never again have to see her white trash, creepy-ass, wife-beating, drug-dealing, garbage-dropping neighbor, which is worth all the sore muscles and a whole lot more.

Also, I’m really craving a chili-cheese dog with onions.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After a recent spate of headaches, I dug out my glasses to see if eyestrain is the culprit. I like my glasses and if they hadn’t gotten mangled by the gearstick in my jeep, I probably wouldn’t have stopped wearing them. I’ve bent them back into as good of shape as I could, and if I notice fewer headaches, I might go in and get an eye exam and a newer pair of non-mangled frames.

Also, while putzing around on the internet today I took this logic test and scored 100%. I took a Logic class at Western and loved it. Here's one more argument.

Eyestrain causes headaches.
I have a headache.

Therefore, eyestrain caused my headache.
It may not be a valid argument, but I'm about to find out if it's true or not.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I love the beginning of a new year because it gives me a chance to play my favorite game, First Blank of the New Year. Its fun and easy. Here are the rules if you want to play along at home. Every time you do something for the first time since last year, you say, “First _____ of the new year!” For example, when I fill up my gas tank later today, I’ll say, “First fill-up of the new year!” Or, tonight when we go out for Chinese, I’ll say, “First Chinese meal of the new year!” Or tomorrow when I do a bit of grocery shopping and inevitably pick up beef jerky or trail mix in the checkout line I’ll say, “First impulse buy of the new year!”

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sit back and let me tell you the blow-by-blow story of our trip to Michigan.

It all started Friday night with Christmas Sushi and a few early presents between Kathryn and Myself.

Saturday morning we woke up early-ish, packed up the car, and started off toward Chicago. Everything went super-smoothly until the last two hours or so when we finally hit snow and traffic. We slowed to a crawl, missed one turn that took a little while to recover from, but finally made it to Sarah and Bryan’s. They ordered deep-dish pizza, and after we ate and recovered from the drive, we headed to the basement of an out of business Payless shoe store for a BYOB show. Being tired, we left after the first band, but it was still good times.

The next day, we braved 8-degree weather and headed downtown to explore a huge art store, then we moved on to Navy Pier for lunch. Sarah had problems with air in her mouth, and Kathryn had her first booger freezing experience, but it still a fun day. Later that night Sarah and I braved negative 28 degree cold on our way to the store to buy cheese for Fondue with Alan and Amanda.

Continue reading "Freaking Long Post" »

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

We’re back from Michigan. It was sad to go, but it is nice to be settling back into my apartment. The trip back wasn’t awful, save for being stuck in a traffic jam for an hour. Turning lemons into lemonade, we stopped at the first exit after traffic started to move again for a pit stop, and I bought fireworks for New Years Eve.

I worked from Memphis yesterday during the day, then Kathryn, Zimmey and myself packed up and drove over to Batesville for an evening on the couch playing my new xbox game (Fable 2). While I worked on becoming a true hero and saving the world, Kathryn surfed the net looking for the perfect couch—all this of course, after a tacos and enchiladas for dinner. It wasn’t a bad way to come home. Now I’m back into the swing of things at the office this morning.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was just looking at a list of the top 25 Christmas movies, which disappointed me because it didn’t include Die Hard. Everyone scoffs at me when I say Die Hard is a Christmas movie, but it takes place during a Christmas party. John McClane came out West to spend Christmas with his estranged family. What’s more Christmas-like than that? The fact that he shoots terrorists in the face is just the icing on the Christmas cake.

The three movies I have to watch during the holiday season are Die Hard, A Christmas Story, and A Charlie Brown Christmas. What do you have to watch?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Okay, so it's not quite a winter wonderland, but there is snow on the ground and an inch or so of packed ice on the roads. Also, it’s incredibly quite here in the office as only a fraction of the staff made it in this morning. For the first 45 minutes I couldn’t see or here anyone in the office because I’m in a corner where nobody showed up. Strangely, it seems like that just about the entire IT staff made it in this morning, but none of the accountants did. I wonder what that says. Looks like we’re getting pizza for lunch though, so that’s nice.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

By the time I get out of work today it’s supposed to be 29 degrees outside. On top of that, it’s been spitting sleet and freezing rain all day. Now this is winter weather I can get behind. I switched to my pea coat and scarf during lunch and I might have to go for a walk tonight in the nastiness. You might think I’m crazy, and I just might be, but the fact of the matter is, it was almost 60 degrees in Memphis yesterday and that is just not winter weather. I’ve been looking forward to seeing snow when we go home for Christmas, but if I’m lucky, I just might see some down here before then.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was pulled over last night on my way to Memphis, which was strange because I wasn’t doing anything wrong. The officer told me he clocked going twelve miles over the speed limit, which was also strange because there is absolutely no way I was going that fast. I never drive that fast, ever. But even if I did, I wouldn’t do it on a stretch of road I know has a lot of speed traps. My first thought was my speedometer must be off, but I pass plenty of cops on the side of the road and never get pulled over. There was somebody coming up behind me though, so either the officer accidentally clocked him and not me, or his radar gun was off. Either way, I know for certain I wasn’t going twelve over because if I was going that fast my jeep would have been making a huge racket, and it wasn’t. That’s on top of the simple fact, I never drive that fast.

The good news is he wrote me up for inattentive driving, which apparently means it won’t affect my insurance. Still, I’m planning on fighting it, but when I called the court, the person I need to talk to is apparently not in today. I’ll call tomorrow, but I don’t know what I can do except make my court date and hope the officer doesn’t show up. The only proof I have is circumstantial at best. The last ticket I received was years ago, it was for only seven over, and I paid it right away. Hopefully that’s enough.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Ten activities I plan on doing when I'm home for the holidays in addition to Christmas and Family plans.

1. Play with Saki and Uncas
2. Split a pizza that has double everything with Bryan
3. Spend time with old friends
4. Make big soft pretzels
5. Throw a snowball
6. Shoot stuff
7. Eat at Joe’s
8. Stand in the snow at night
9. Relax on the reclining couches
10. Watch Die Hard

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I drove 45 minutes to a dermatologist this morning and waited in the office for a good hour before I finally got called back. Then, it took the doctor all of ten minutes to look at my toe, shoot with a numbing agent and slice a mole off. He cauterized it, which stunk the room up something fierce and I was on my 45-minute way back to Batesville.

Any time I have my moles looked at reminds of the time my dad took me to Dr. Zink’s office to have a few removed. The doctor was giving me shots to numb the various areas; when he got to the one in my armpit my dad blurted out, “Oh, that’s gonna hurt the worst.” Dr. Zink turned to the nurse and said, “Make a note that John’s dad isn’t allowed to come with him anymore.” At that time, it probably did hurt the most. But today’s toe mole has hurt more than every other mole to come off so far, including the one that ended with stitches and a nice scar that’s still very visible.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We spent Thanksgiving in Texas with Kathryn’s family. It may have been a little warm for my Thanksgiving tastes, but there is defiantly something to be said for wading in the ocean after a big turkey dinner… or swimming in an outdoor pool before a big turkey dinner. With crab potting, art galleries, Planet of the Apes movies, ocean gazing, great food, and family time, it was, as we say, good times. Also, being in Texas for Thanksgiving means we will be in Michigan for Christmas—something I’m already looking forward to.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

First, this past weekend Kathryn and I had a good time picking out cloths and toys for the angel tree child I snagged at work. It was fun and felt great. There is definitely a unique and nearly indescribable feeling of peace and joy that comes with charity. Is it human nature to feel good about helping others or is something we learn from culture? Probably some of both. At any rate, we had a good time and I get all warm and fuzzy feeling thinking about the kid opening all his presents Christmas morning.

Second, I spent a great three hours and five minutes on Xbox Live last night with the Captain and his roommate. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but the end body count was in the vicinity of three thousand zombies.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today is the first day of a two-day work week. Tomorrow, after work I’m heading to Memphis and first thing Wednesday morning, we’re jumping on a plane for Texas where we’ll be having Thanksgiving on the bay. Also tomorrow, my work is providing Thanksgiving lunch, which means turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and all the good stuff for lunch in front of my computer watching streaming movies. Deliciously good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I hate Starbucks with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. I hate Starbucks with every fiber of my being because they took something good and pure, and bastardized it into a washed-out, sterilized corporate version of its former glory built for the one singular purpose of generating the most revenue at the least expense. The inherent stink of false atmosphere coupled with over-prized drinks labeled in hilariously faux sizing intended to appeal to the teeming millions of sheeple rub me in all the wrong directions. And worse still, the bean-burning juggernaut has left the real deal, the concept from witch this doppelganger emerged from, all but extinct.

I want an atmosphere with a just the right amount of grime around the edges; a few wayward grounds on the floor, messy piles of yesterday’s newspaper, and razor thin coatings of dust on the window sills let you know there are other priorities than sterile conformity. I want a real atmosphere; not one masterfully put together to look inviting but secretly designed to increase customer turnover time.

I want a real person behind the counter not a smiling throng of true believers rallying for the corporate cause, espousing thinly veiled cheap slogans and the virtues of over-priced branded merchandise. I don’t need a fancy barista who attended company-mandated training. I want a college kid trying to make ends meet who won’t try to upsell my short cappuccino with flavor shots, because if I wanted flavored syrup I would have ordered it in the first place. Further more, I certainly wouldn’t try to mix it with a cappuccino. A latte? Possibly. A mocha? Definitely. But certainly not the most hallowed and simple mixture of coffee and hot milk.

I don’t want to be looked down upon for ordering the smallest size and sipping for flavor rather than gulping from a cylinder shaped trough to feed a sugar and caffeine addiction.

I want dim. I want freshly baked from scratch. I want a pile of empty mugs and small crumb crusted plates sitting in the bus bucket. I want to revel in a grandma sitting next to a punk across from a bookish student who reads textbooks kitty corner to a counter culture group playing cards in the corner next to a couple killing time before their movie begins. I want an environment not thick with merchandise. I want everything that is not Starbucks, because I hate Starbucks.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I went to the doctor yesterday to have a mole looked at (got referred to a dermatologist, but I’m sure it’s going to come off). Even though I was just there for the mole, I went through the regular physical stuff too—weight, temperature, pulse, etc. When it came for my blood pressure I was something like 114 over 76. They used to say 120 over 80, but it’s changed to 115 over 75. So I’m pretty close to being spot-on. Take that LDL.

<pause>
I just got up from my desk; apparently two co-workers here got married on their lunch break in the service area of the local John Deere dealership. There’s a John Deere ice cream cake for them in the break area that I had to check out. Looks tasty, but I’ll pass.
</pause>

My weight had gone up about three pounds, which I figure correlates to my pushup routine and walking a little more often since I’m pretty sure my gut has actually shrunk a little. All in all, we probably spent more time talking about my vitals than the mole, but in case you were wondering the doctor said I am really healthy and don’t need a flu shot, vaccination or any exam.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I like hotdogs. Nay, I love hotdogs. Sure, I also like more sophisticated foods that can’t be found already warmed in gas stations at two o’clock in the morning. But for my money, it’s hard to beat a good hotdog. Last weekend we had lunch in a restaurant that specializes in hotdogs. Kathryn had a #34, which I think was a hotdog with pickles, relish, and coleslaw. I had the Southsider, which was essentially a chilidog with cheese and onion—much like a Coney dog from back home. But the menu also had nacho dogs, pizza dogs, the always-delicious Chicago style dog and even more creative dogs like the Paul Harvey (Thousand Island dressing, bacon bits, green relish, onions, pickle spear & celery salt.) or Jimmy's dog (Cream cheese, onions, sports peppers, relish, celery salt & Jimmy's Sauce). Seriously good eats if you ask me.

A few weeks ago we went camping, and for dinner one night we had low-fat kosher dogs cooked over the fire. Curiously, when we bit into them we found lots of tiny, whitish specks on the inside. I can only assume they were flavor crystals because they tasted pretty darn good for being low fat.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Unfortunately, it’s warmed up again down here. After a week or so of being pleasantly chilly, we’re back up to 75ish during the day. Not exactly my type of fall weather, but we’re getting there. I have been able to comfortable wear my hoodies some evenings, which is nice. Despite the recent heat wave, I’m switching to fall foods and I plan on making a big pot of chili tonight. Hmm, hmm, hmm. You show me somebody who doesn’t like a warm bowl of chili on a cold fall evening and I’ll show you a damn liar.

In other news, in case you live under a rock, this was Halloween weekend. And as everybody knows, Halloween is my favorite holiday. This year we baked the infamous kitty litter cake and went to a party dressed as a Ceiling Fan and the famous Midwesterner, Joe Six-pack.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Maybe it’s just Batesville, maybe it’s just Arkansas, maybe it’s the whole country, or even the whole world—but who doesn’t know that you’re supposed to pull over for emergency vehicles? Several times lately I’ve seen cars not pulling over for ambulances. It drives me crazy. I hate type A, aggressive drivers anyway. But these selfish jerks are the worst.

In the extremely unlikely chance that Arkansas had no laws about emergency vehicles I did a little research. It only took me about five minutes to track down the emergency vehicle section of the official Arkansas Drivers Education Study Guide.

“Drivers should pull over to the right edge of the road, or as near to the right as possible, when you see or hear an emergency vehicle approaching from any direction.”

Note that any direction part. I very, very rarely see people here stop when the ambulance is coming from the other direction. Who knows where that vehicle might be turning, or when it might have to swerve into the middle of the road to avoid another jackass who won’t get over.

When I’m in charge I’ll have lasers mounted to the hoods of all emergency vehicles. If somebody doesn’t get over… ZAP! Then they’ll have to pull over to fix a recently exploded tire.

Click the jump to view a graphic of my other complaint for drivers around here.

Continue reading "Jerk Drivers Rant" »

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I accidentally took an extra long lunch today. Having come over from Memphis this morning I was a little tired by lunchtime. No big deal, as I’ve done before on other Memphis days, I set the alarm on my phone and took a powernap on my couch. Only today I forgot that my phone was set to silent so I didn’t hear it buzzing to wake me up. I got back to work a full 45 minutes late, but as I was walking up to my boss’s desk explain what happened she immediately asked me to look at a new ad proof. Since she was already at lunch when I left, she didn’t even know I was late getting back. I explained anyway sort of for giggles but mostly to CYA just in case. In yet another testament to how cool my boss is, she just laughed.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Chronicling my life, six panels at a time…
In glorious monotone…
With names changed to amuse the innocent…
Displaying no less than three emotions…
Without further ado…
I give you…
New Johnnyrockstar Cartoons

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Learned something new at the post office t his past weekend. Apparently the local John Deere sells tricycles with 10,000 mile or 10 year warranties. Apparently the customer in line ahead of me had one a few years old with some rust on the seat. He took it in and got the seat replaced free of charge. Interesting, though I’m not sure how they would measure the 10,000 mile aspect.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Several months ago, in an effort to clean up my living space, I took all my DVDs out of their cases, put them in sleeves, and stuffed the whole collection into a box. In alphabetical order of course. The move definitely cleaned up my living room, but I can’t browse my selection very conveniently now when I’m not sure what I want to watch. So today I created an Access database to catalog and manage my collection. Now I have to input the title, synopsis, stars, genres and poster art for every DVD I own. I don’t have the biggest collection, but I’ve got enough that it will take an evening or two. But it’s worth it because every time I get something new, I can just add it to the database, run a new report and print to pdf. Viola! Instant browsing even when all my movies are closed up in a little black box.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last night Kathryn and I went on a pasty making rampage. Any time we make pasties, we end up with leftover filling. I don’t know why. We follow the recipe exactly, but there is always way more filling than dough. Normally, I just plop the leftovers into a frying pan, crack a few eggs over the top and have a few hearty breakfasts. But last night we weren’t just making pasties for ourselves. No, this was much bigger. Kathryn was making them for a group dinner with friends later in the week and I was making some for a co-worker whose mother is about to pass away. We didn’t want to waste any filling so I decided to triple the dough recipe just in case. Turns out, that wasn’t enough. I had to quadruple the dough recipe. That meant nearly an entire bag of flour and almost two full boxes of butter sticks. Needless to say, my fridge is stuffed with pasties right now. Even after giving a bunch of way, I’m still going to be eating them all week. Good thing they’re so damn tasty.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The office is rather empty right now because the up and ups are in Germany all week. At the moment, I’m writing an article on kitchen herb gardens while listening to The Polyphonic Spree. Some might say this is the sweet life, which I’d be hard pressed to deny. The only detracting factor is I think I’m getting sick. I’ve got that nasty, queasy feeling in my insides. I’m a little afraid I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling downright ill. Until then I’ll deal with my queasiness, and focus on Light & Day, rosemary and thyme.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

You bet! We saw Avenue Q this weekend, and I have to say, it was one saucy puppet show. Also, it happens to be my new favorite musical. Not just because of the sauciness. The songs were great, characters funny, and it focused on a fresh-from-college English major looking to find himself. Sort of like yours truly was a few years ago… and in some ways still is. Of course there are a few differences like I don’t sing nearly as much, I’m not a Muppet and my upstairs neighbor isn’t a porn-addicted monster.

Before the show we went out for a nice dinner and apparently the ladies at the table next to us were doing the same thing. Overheard: I’m glad someone to me it’s going to be fun and it’s going to be raunchy. That’s exactly what I need for a girl’s night out.

Raunchy? Maybe. I guess it depends on whether or not you consider graphic Muppet sex to be raunchy. I prefer to think as full frontal Muppet nudity as saucy. I'm mean sure there were exposed nipples, but they were covered in fur after all.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

A Haiku

Heavenly pork meat
Sugar glazed and spiral cut
Devoured too soon

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Remember choose your own adventure books? Me too; those things were awesome. Sunday morning Kathryn and I played the choose your own adventure book of the 21st century—a choose your own adventure movie. We pretty much made every mistake possible before getting it right, but it was fun. Some of the outcomes seemed kind of arbitrary, and there was definitely more of a “that’s not what I would do” feeling than I ever remember getting when reading a book, but I still think it was pretty damned cool. Plus, I’m always a sucker for zombies. I’d like to see more of these—maybe with a slightly bigger budget and professional actors. Not that these guys didn’t do a good job, it’s great for what it is. If someone like Lions Gate put out a DVD with three or four 20 minute choose your own adventures from various genres, I’d be all over it.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A few minutes ago I stumbled on the American Library Association’s list of the most challenged books of 2007. That of course led to me looking at the most challenged books of the 21st Century 200-2005, and then the 100 most challenged books of the 1990s. Now look, I don’t think a book should ever be banned, for any reason even if it contains the most vile, putrid, hate-filled, bigoted propaganda. That’s what freedom of speech is all about. That said, I can understand why some groups choose to fight against certain books. Do I agree with them? Hell no. I think they are idiots. Can I open my mind enough to look at it through their point of view? Yes. If I was Maya Angelou or the ghost of Mark Twain I would be proud of the fact I was still consistently topping these lists. But come on, who honestly wants to ban Captain Underpants? I’d go on to tell you who I think the type of person is who would do that, but I don’t want to burst a blood vessel.

I tend to have conflicting, paradoxical views on humanity. I think the human race is capable of many good things, but at the same time, sometimes I just plain can’t stand people. I hate our capacity for stupidness. I think ignorance is cancer eating away at society. And I’m afraid because I think somewhere along the way, somebody figured out how to harness the sheer numbers of stupid, ignorant, hate-filled people and the teeming masses of ignorant have become powerful.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

I’m so hungry. After a large and latish lunch yesterday we decided to opt out of dinner and instead had an ice-cream snack. Fast-forward to today’s lunch and all I had was a sandwich. Now I’m finding it hard to think about anything other than what I’m going to make for dinner tonight. Right now I’m thinking full English breakfast—eggs, toast, baked beans, grilled tomatoes, sausage (probably soysage), and potatoes.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Why is it that whenever I have a packing coming from UPS that I need to sign for, it comes in the middle of the day. But when I don’t need to sign for it, the package shows up after I get out of work? Is this one of those little known laws of physics, like how one sock always seems to disappear in the wash or the Nyquist–Shannon sampling theorem.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It looks like the weather has finally cooled off a bit down here. It wasn’t that long ago that we had prolonged weeks of 100+ sweltering, sticky heat. Literally, the only time I spent outside was going to and from work and the grocery store. Now that it’s down to the high 70s and low 80s I can finally get outside, which is perfect timing since the college just put up a new disc golf course.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I do a lot of my non-grocery shopping online. It’s partly because I live in a small town that doesn’t have the resources to cater to my exotic tastes (and by exotic I mean anything that can’t be found at Wal-Mart, Kroger or the bookstore/movie rental place), partly because I don’t want to support Wal-Mart if I can avoid it and partly because it’s just easier to shop from my couch in my underwear. Most my sans-pants shopping is done on amazon.com

I’ve been passively contemplating the best way to add a little splash of grownupness into my casual weekend wardrobe. Those thoughts in my head, I couldn’t pass up getting three 5-dollar ringers I found on amazon. I like ringers and baseball tees, but I don’t own nearly enough of either. Ringers are nice because they look good alone or underneath unbuttoned collard shirts.

Then, my headphones broke and I had to replace them. And before you say anything, yes, I HAD TO. I can’t concentrate at work sometimes when there are conversations going on in front of and behind me. I bought some off amazon that look like a serious pair of audiophile headphones (not that they are for under 20 bucks). It’s kind of like wearing big-ass middle finger pointed directly at anyone even thinking about striking up a conversation with me. That wasn’t my intention, I was actually a little surprised by their size, but it’s working out pretty well. I’ve written five articles this week already.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Kathryn just cut her finger on a razor blade (she’s fine now). A quick search under my bathroom cabinet found 4x6 gauze pads, pirate-themed skull-shaped band-aids, and bacon shaped band-aids. She opted for the bacon. I think it was a good choice. The real question is, what does it mean when a 28-year-old man only has novelty band-aids in his cabinet. I’ll just assume it means that he’s awesome.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I had the best haircut last night. Not in terms of style, although it does look pretty good. No, when I say the best haircut I’m talking in terms of the actual haircutting experience. Things started off rocky when I sat down in the chair and was immediately swiveled so I sat face to face with a 10-year-old boy in the chair next to me. Why do stylists insist on forcing you to stare directly at another client? It wouldn’t be so bad if you could at least turn your head, but the best you can do is either close your eyes or look down at the floor. I chose a combination, opting to go with half-closed eyes staring at my shoes.

Here is what made the cut so great--my stylist was unusually rough. The clippers were dull and tugged at my hair, she was super rough with the comb and it scratched at my scalp, and she was even rough when she did that thing where they pinch your hair between two fingers and cut it. I know what your probably thinking, Johnny that sounds awful. Well not to me. I have dandruff, which means my scalp is itchy… a lot. So I absolutely love having my scalp scratched. Sometimes when we’re sitting on the couch watching a movie, Kathryn will scratch my head and it feels fantastic. While most people would have found it to be torture, with all the tugging and pulling and scratching my stylist was doing, I essentially got a nice relaxing scalp massage. Unfortunately, I think she was new, which means she probably hasn’t yet mastered her technique. And, I’m sure she’ll get a few complaints, which will lead to her to adopt a more gentle style before I go in again. That’s a damn shame because that was hands down the absolute best haircut I’ve ever had.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We’re on the road to Hot Springs Arkansas this weekend to see the Our Body exhibit at the Mid-America Science Museum. On the way we passed a semi tuck that Kathryn pointed out had tires that were scarily wobbly. When we got closer I noticed it had more than a couple signs saying it was carrying radioactive material. Neat! Wobbling tires on a radioactive truck. Good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I found this little guy walking through my side yard yesterday as I was heading back to work after lunch. I call him Mr. Grumpy. Click on the image to embiggin.

Oh, and by little guy, I of course mean at least 18-20 inches head to tail.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Things have suddenly slowed way down. Tonight I’ll sleep in my own bed for the first time in 18 days. After another 4:45 am wakeup, I’m looking forward to it. I’ve spent the past two weeks away for work as I’ve already mentioned, and then my parents joined Kathryn and myself in Memphis for three days and four nights of museums, restaurants, movies, and hot, sticky Memphis summer.

We saw Andy Warhol at the Dixon Museum, Elvis’s mic at Sun studios, Isaac Hayes’s gold trimmed Cadillac at the Stax Museum of American Soul, a combination grill/pipe organ dubbed the Whistling Piglet at the National Ornamental Metal Museum, and a whole lot more. We also watched Tropic Thunder (laugh out loud hilarious) and Rocky. Every time I watch Rocky I think it’s sad that it has been dubbed a boxing movie, because really, Rocky is so much more than that. People forget that it won three academy awards, including Best Picture.

Anyway, since I’m back in Batesville and getting into my routines again, hopefully I’ll be a little more active on here.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So here’s the breakdown, once a year my company has a bunch of people from all over the world come to Batesville for training. When this happens I get drafted into manual labor and transportation help. Pretty much that means moving boxes and equipment, shuffling bodies around in a massive van, and being a smiling face. It also means mounds of good food—three serious meals every day. For breakfast every morning I had eggs, ham, slice of cheese, fruit, bagel with strawberry cream cheese, pastry of some sort, orange juice, and coffee. I opted out of the bacon, sausage, oatmeal, grits, toast, and other odds and ends on the buffet. Lunch and dinners were equally as lavish but I still managed to lose some weight. That’s how rigorous I worked. I was able to stuff myself with all kinds of ribs and roast beef, while still losing weight. It’s fun work, but exhausting work. The first day after everything was done, I slept until noon, and to this day I’m still a little sore.

Now, my parents are in Memphis with me and we’re going to see some sights.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

No time/energy to blog right now. Just wanted to say I'm super busy working until 8 or 9 every night right now. I'm sure I'll have something to say about when it's done, but right now I'M SO TIRED.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Well, at the end of six weeks I was only able to do 75 pushups in a row. While I realize 75 is still an awful lot, it’s disappointing to not have made the ultimate goal of 100. But fear not citizens of the net, I will go back to week three and work in the hardest column back up to week six and then try again. I'm getting tired of talking about pushups all the time, so this will probably be it for awhile. I will let you know when I hit the hundred mark though, if for no other reason that to show off.

PS
How many of you have watched Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog? It stars one, Doogie Howser, M.D., and features a quasi-villain who’s super power is being moist. If you’ve got an hour to kill, I highly recommend watching. It’s funny and features Doogie Howser wearing giant mad scientist goggles. If that’s not enough to get you interested, you’re probably a pod-person.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

The man who comments on my page as “Paw” is my grandfather on my dad’s side of the family. He’s 90 years old and he comments on my blog. I just want to take a moment to point out how incredibly awesome that is. There just aren’t that many 90-year-olds out there who do that. Paw rocks.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The final week takes a huge step forward in the amount of pushups done. I could only get about halfway through the routine before I had to call it quits last night. So, I’m going to go back a week. I still plan on checking my max to see if I can do 100 at the end of this week. It’s going to be close.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Casey called me Ralph Macchio today. Referencing 80's movie stars is always good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I need a library card… and for that matter, a good library to visit. Two Friday’s ago I bought a new book and had it finished by the following Monday. I now have two new to me used books coming in the mail. It’s not that I’m a particularly fast reader. It’s just that when I find something I like, I have trouble putting it down, and it’s starting to add up.

Also,
After three weeks of pushups, Kathryn noticed my arms are bigger and stronger now, which is good incentive to stick with it. I’m halfway through week four now and I’m contemplating needing to do week four twice because I feel like I’m falling behind. We’ll see how I feel after Friday’s go-round.

Also, also
Last night I golfed on the Xbox with Kelly Kelly [sic] and The Captain. We had a heck of a time getting all three of us on the same course AND having the microphones work right. But once we were going, it was a lot of fun. Gaming online is pretty much the closest thing I have to hanging out with my friends from back home, so it’s always nice to connect that way.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have my homepage set to a plain looking list of all the websites I regularly visit. About every four to five months I update it—adding new links and removing ones I don’t use anymore. Today was that day. I spent some time this morning reorganizing, and here are the 46 websites I currently can’t live without.

Also, I’m stilling working on the pushups. For week three I bumped myself into the 3rd and hardest column. It’s a much, much harder workout. To complete it I have to sacrifice good form, which doesn’t seem right. I’ve got another go around with them tonight. If I still can’t do them all with good form, I’m probably going to go back to the 2nd column workout for week four. Either way, I’m steadily improving, so we’ll see.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Yesterday afternoon I read the hands-down best article ever in Time. Its actually a few years old and I stumbled upon it from another site, but it was excellent. Let me summarize. Researchers at Yale taught monkeys the value of money by giving them tokens that they could trade in for Jell-O or grapes. Eventually one monkey stole a bunch of the “money” and threw it into the main monkey cage. While the researchers were frantically picking up all the stolen loot, one of them noticed that a particular monkey had taken one of the hot coins and used it to buy sex from another monkey, who it turn used the coin to buy a single grape. What can we learn from this? I guess obviously that monkeys are capable of understanding currency. But more importantly, we can see that there are such things as monkey prostitutes, and they are incredibly cheap.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Holy hell did we eat well this weekend. It all started late Thursday night when we walked over to the Flying Saucer for a smoked salmon and cheese plate that comes garnished with olive spread, grapes, walnuts and capers. We finished the late night snack with a hot brownie topped with ice cream and some sort of raspberry sauce.

Friday’s dinner was noodle bowls at Pei Wei. You can’t go wrong with anything on their menu; Kathryn had the Soba Miso bowl and I had Dan Dan noodles—spicy and delicious.

Saturday’s eating started at the Mediterranean place for lunch where I had a sampler platter with Dolma (stuffed grapes), Tabbouleh, Baba Ghanoush, Hummus, Tzatziki and pita. Kathryn had falafel and their amazingly addictive rice. Saturday night I made crepes stuffed with fresh asparagus, mushrooms and spinach, and topped them with an organic cheese sauce. For dessert, I made sweet crepes and stuffed them with raspberry jam and whipped cream.

Sunday’s breakfast consisted of warmed up raspberry crepes and Cheerios. For lunch we made Käsespätzle, which is fancy for spatzle mixed with melted, grated cheese. We’re learning just how awesome and yummy homemade spatzle is.

On the pushup front, in two weeks I’ve more than doubled my max from 15 to 35. Just over a third of the way to 100, but even so, this week’s workout is looking intimidating.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I live in Arkansas, I spent most of my weekends in Tennessee and I vacation in Michigan. These are the three states that make up my life, and they are all on the 2008 list of top ten fattest states. I can only conclude that my presence somehow leads to people cramming their face holes with Krispy Kreme donuts.

At the risk of becoming a one trick pony, I have to mention my quest to 100 pushups. Last night was the most physically taxing workout yet, but it was also the easiest, which I think means I’m already getting stronger.

Finally, with tomorrow being the 4th, and all the upper-ups in Germany at the moment, it’s really empty in the office this week. I kind of like. I just sit in my corner and do whatever without anyone bothering me. As an added bonus, we’re getting hot dogs and hamburgers for lunch today. I’m so hungry already, I plan on eating four of each.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

At the end of last night’s workout I could definitely feel the tiniest bit stronger. I had the best finishing set yet, which was actually surprising for me because just prior to doing the pushups, Kathryn and I had taken a three mile walk around the neighborhood, so I was already feeling tired. But finish strong I did, and to celebrate, I took a shower and went to bed. That’s not quite true. I took a shower and crawled into bed where we watched an episode of Reaper and an episode of Sealab on the computer.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

By yesterday evening, my inner shoulders and pecks were pretty sore. Last night’s round of pushups was pretty intense. And by intense I of course mean painful. Today, my arms feel weak and just a little bit shaky, but the soreness has gone down quite a bit. I struggled through the last few reps last night, but still managed. I’m a little worried that I won't be able to make it through tomorrow’s go around, but we’ll see.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

How many pushups can you do? Last night I maxed out at fifteen, which was a little surprising. I think it helped having Kathryn counting out loud for me. Lest you think I make a habit out of having Kathryn count how many reps I can handle in some sort of misplaced effort to show off my machismo, let me explain that I had to find out my max because I’m starting an exercise program. One I found online that promises to allow me to do 100 pushups in just six weeks. Will it work? Who knows. I’m doubtful, but I figure if I blog about it, I’ll be much morel likely to at least continue trying.

After the initial workout last night, I’m not sore, but I can definitely feel that I did something. I’m interested to see what I’ll feel like after the next go around on Wednesday.

If anyone wants to play along at home, this is the schedule I’m following (even though I maxed out at fifteen, I’m still using the 6-10 column because I’m pretty sure the other one would kill me).

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is the last Michigan post, I promise.

Click here to see pics from the trip. I have massive high-res ones on my laptop, but I'm saving space on Flickr, so if you want a good one to print, let me know.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Things I forgot to mention in the last post:

Kathryn caught the biggest fish while Bryan managed to catch four rocks.

We wrapped a catfish in a red handkerchief to avoid getting pricked, and it looked fabulous.

I dropped my new slider phone in the sand, and now it’s a bit sluggish in opening.

When Grody was a little too excited for a family picture Bryan had to cover it with his hand.

We must have played close to twelve rounds of Apples to Apples over the course of three nights.

I had my first taste of pickled bologna since I moved out of Michigan, and it was fantastic.

We had a mini-keg of Oberon in honor of Don.

On one of our flights, as the plane was taking off a kid behind us said, "We blasting off. Weeeeeeeee!"

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This past weekend my family converged at the old cabin on Lake Michigan. Mom rented it for the week in order to spend some time together and finally spread Don’s ashes. The trip was eventful to say the least. Kathryn got things kicked off by getting some sort of stomach bug the first night we were there. She was up most of the night clutching her stomach and slept until nearly dinner time the following day.

Monday evening we walked down the beach to a secluded spot in order to spread Don’s ashes. After we said a few words and shed a few tears dad spread the ashes along the beach, from the massive dune Don used to climb to the shore of the lake he used to swim in. Dad waded into the water to put some of the ashes into Lake Michigan, but he didn’t notice mom’s dog Saki wading in after him. As Don’s ashes blew out of the urn, they were carried by the waves straight toward Saki who, ever the optimist, was happily drinking from the lake. That’s right, my mom’s dog drank my uncle.

After our little ceremony an old family friend treated us to a short memorial squeezebox concert featuring amazing grace and a handful of old Irish tunes. From there, we honored Don by heading to a nearby casino and gambling for an hour. Don must have been watching over us because I can most of us actually doubled our money. After that, we headed back to the beach for the last bit of the memorial, celebrating Don’s life by shooting roman candles and bottle rockets out over Lake Michigan. All in all, I think it was actually a quite fitting tribute to my Uncle Don.

Much of the trip was spent visiting old memories, and I think we all had fun. Despite being slightly chilly and overcast most of the time, a few of us still managed to get a little sunburned. Though dad rightly speculates that it could just have easily been windburn.

This morning I came back to work with a few new projects on my desk. So it’s back to the grindstone for me.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I dreamt that I ordered a ham and pineapple pizza last night. I’m sure there was more to the dream, but that’s all I can remember.

In other news, we have a plane flight tomorrow morning taking us to Grand Rapids, where Sarah, Bryan and Cheese Ween (aka Grody) will be picking us up and taking us the rest of the way to Arcadia. I’m stoked for a few days on Lake Michigan with my family.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

While Kathryn is in Florida this week, I’m cat-sitting Zimmey. He’s not a bad houseguest except for his meowing ritual at about five in the morning, every single morning. It’s down to just three or four meows now, but when he first came to visit he had prolonged meowing fits several times a night… always on my side of the bed. It was enough to drive a man crazy, or a least leave me severely sleep deprived. But things are better now and it’s nice to have another living creature in my apartment. Especially since my xbox is in the shop for repairs.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's way overdue, but here's the movie we made last year for the 48 hour film project.

Watch out for the sound test at the beginning.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It’s no hundred bucks like last time, but I picked up an honorable mention in last week’s Woot! Photoshop contest, which earns me free shipping on my next order. Look for Pigmann’s empty fridge.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

My current favorite tv series that I’m watching thanks to Netflix, The Unit, just mentioned Kalamazoo Michigan. That’s where I went to college. I’m practically famous!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Dust off the tent and break out the bear traps because we’re going camping. It’ll be interesting to see how our favorite campground is doing after all this rain and flooding we’ve had over the past few months. Since it’s at the bottom of a valley and a creek flows right through the middle of everything, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few sites have been washed away. If that’s the case, we could be in for an exiting weekend of playing on newly formed riverbanks and climbing over fallen trees. I can’t wait to find out.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This past weekend marked the two year anniversary of the first trip I made to Memphis to visit Kathryn. We celebrated by doing the same thing we did last year, reenacting the best parts of that first weekend. We started by meeting up at the coffee shop, then we had dinner at the East End Grill, lunch at Schlotzsky's, and we were going to go the park for a walk, but Sunday turned into a lazy do-nothing day. The reenacting was over, but it was still a nice day. We had a late lunch of Vietnamese Pho soup, walked around the duck pond in Kathryn’s apartment complex, and dinner was just chips and an assortment of dips in front of the tv.

P.S.
If you’re into quirky Indie movies, try Lars and the Real Girl.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

When I woke up this morning and rolled over to look at my clock I realized my alarm wasn’t set. Fortunately, I only woke up five minutes late. I went through my morning routine and headed off to work right on time, but when I pulled into the parking lot there were no other cars. Fighting through my usual morning fog, I couldn’t think of any reason we would have had the day off to day, so I looked at the clock in my jeep and realized I was an entire hour early. I hadn’t woken up five minutes late, I woke up fifty-five minutes early. I had forty minutes to kill, which I wasted playing Crackdown on my Xbox. I lost track of time trying to up my characters states and ended up getting to work a few minutes late.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I’ve been spending a lot of time working in Photoshop and Dreamweaver lately—some for fun, some for profit. Since I haven’t posted in a while, I thought I’d share a few of my more recent creations.

Clickity Click to see them full size at my new Flickr page.

In other news, the sound of my mouse clicking has recently changed for some reason and it's driving me crazy. I don't even want to use it without my headphones on. Is that strange?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Do you know who Helen Thomas is? I must confess, until recently I couldn’t have told you much about her either, which is a shame considering she’s really one of the few remaining mainstream political journalists with real integrity. Very briefly, according to the all knowing Wiki, she has covered every presiding since JFK and has a number of important firsts, including first female officer of the National Press Club; first female member and female president of the White House Correspondents Association; and first female member of the Gridiron Club. She’s also written a number of books. Her latest is Watchdogs of Democracy?: The Waning Washington Press Corps and How It Has Failed the Public, which sort of brings me to my point.

Helen recently pushed the White House Press Secretary about some conflicting reports from government officials (including the president) about whether or not the US tortures. Not surprisingly, she got the run around, and when the press secretary asked if anyone else had questions, the topic immediately shifted to something else. Exasperated, Helen exclaimed, “Where is everybody?” presumably calling out the other reporters for not asking the tough questions.

As I learned in one of my Journalism Law classes, historically, the press has sort of been viewed as an unofficial fourth branch of the government, with a sort of checks and balances role working to keep government transparent. Without putting words in her mouth, Helen seems to think, as I do, that in recent times, the press has failed miserably at this.

Anyway, as someone who still views journalism as a potential career path, reading about that incident really annoyed me. So I sent Helen an email thanking her for continuing to ask the tough questions and reminding her that there are a lot of us who really value what she does. I sent it off, figured I may have brightened her a day a bit and immediately let it slip from my mind. An hour later, I found a response in my inbox basically thanking me for the kind words and support. I didn’t really expect a response, let alone a personal one. It kind of touched me. More than that, I just plain think it’s cool that I’ve had real contact with a historically important figure of the press. I’m practically famous. Okay, maybe not so much, but still when was the last time you received an email from somebody who has personally talked with every president since JFK?

It also substantially increased my six degrees of separation web.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Without really planning it, we did an around-the-world food sampling this past weekend. We had Italian (if you count pizza), Scottish meat pies, Chinese, Mexican and homemade German spaetzle noodles. We also got our first sunburns of the season while at Lyon College’s annual Scottish Fest.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I was reading an article today about a proposed law that would ban cell phones on airplanes, and a reader commented that cell phones are the new smoking. It’s funny sad because it’s true. Maybe it’s because I’m a true introvert, or maybe I’m trying to live some modern day Walden lifestyle, or maybe I just like peace and quiet, but I absolutely hate cell phones. Not just because people have a strange tendency to talk annoyingly loudly on them. I hate the very concept of being completely connected to the rest of the world 24 hours a day. I also think cell phone culture is raising a generation of rude and pretentious Bluetooth wearing kids who have no concept of personal space.

If cell phones really are the new smoking, I’d love to see restaurants with cell phone sections, where you have to sit if you’re going to yak loudly through your meal. And, office buildings with designated cell phone areas. I’m also a huge proponent of allowing movie theaters to jam cell phones so I don’t have to listen to that one idiot who has to repeat louder and louder that he’s in a movie and can’t talk right now. I hate that jackass with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. Oh, and if I was a college professor and your cell went off in my classroom, guess what, you just failed the next exam. And another thing, just because it’s set to silent, doesn’t mean everyone in the room doesn’t stare at your vibrating purse when your over-possessive jackass of a boyfriend calls every five minutes. I HATE CELL PHONES. If it wasn’t for the three-hour drive I make to Memphis every other weekend, I would seriously consider throwing mine out and going back to a good old-fashioned landline with an answering machine.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There’s a cosmic being hovering above the earth’s atmosphere. It holds the key to eternal peace and happiness for humans, but is too shy to reveal itself and deliver the message. After centuries of war, it finally musters up the courage and comes to earth. It comes down to great fanfare and delivers a speech about how it holds the secret of happiness. At the end of the speech it reveals how it had been so shy and wished it would have come down sooner because this was easier than it thought. Upon hearing that this being could have prevented centuries of war, the humans get angry and lynch the being before it can actually reveal its secret.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

At six thirty this morning I woke up to the obnoxious sound of a weed wacker being run right under my bedroom window. It’s nice that I don’t have to do anything to my lawn, but come on, who could have possibly thought it was a good idea to have the grounds crew start weed wacking at six thirty in the morning? Between that and the lawn mower, I lost an hour of sleep. Now I’m tired and grumpy. What a way to start the week.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I’m so excited Poindexter is coming that I bought two cases of beer and pickled a dozen eggs. I’ve already dipped into both by myself, but only once or twice. I believe that you can’t serve a man a pickled egg if you don’t know how they turned out beforehand. For the record, they turned out damn good. Last night I also made baked a batch of cinnamon-sugar tortilla crisps for a snack. Easy to make and very tasty, though not quite as good as the deep fried kind you find at restaurants.

I was surprised I had the energy to make anything last night. It was a Memphis weekend, and after a restless night of sleep, I still had to wake up at 4:45 am in order to drive back to Batesville and get to work on time. Usually Mondays after Memphis I spend the whole evening on the couch. But last night I made dinner and cataloged a handful more of Don’s CDs. I even did a load of laundry.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There’s not a lot going on right now so I disappeared for a few days, but for those of you keeping track of my comings and goings down here, there are a few things to mention. Poindexter is coming down next weekend and I can’t wait. He’s in the state for some training and will be coming here afterward. I still need to find the membership card to my private club so we can go out and a beer with dinner. Either way, it’s pretty much guaranteed to be good times.

Also in the news, I have some exciting business dealings going on with Casey right now, but I don’t want to jinx it so I’m staying mum for the time being.

Finally, the 16 anniversary of Life Plus is today. That means one thing. Donuts. Unfortunately, I can’t eat donuts. Donuts, fried chicken and corndogs are all on the list of foods I feel so guilty about eating that I avoid them. For one reason or another, these three things have been so ingrained in my head as “bad” that when I eat them, I literally feel bad myself. Though I must admit that while donuts and fried chicken are completely out, the allure of corndogs is so much that I occasionally treat myself to one or three.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last week, while stopped at a semi-skeesy Days Inn somewhere in lower Illinois, I had what was probably the strangest dream of my life. I didn’t want to forget anything so when I woke up, I made this list:

President Bush
Pet Whale
Girl Sleeps with Bush
Camera Doesn’t Get It
Bush Kills My Whale
Puma Dress Shoes
DNA Tests
Video Turns Up
Concrete Island
Ruin Election

I remember every scene that each of those items refers to. But the events connecting them are a little bit hazy. I think what really needs to be focused on here is that I had a dream in which the President of the United States of America killed my whale. It’s not every day you have a dream where the president kills your pet blue whale. I’m fairly certain I had some sort of telepathic link with the whale too, which made it all the more devastating.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just scrapped a whole bunch of nonsense here because I came off as Ranty McRanterson. I guess most of what I had written boiled down to this: Einstein was right; time is relative. Here I am, sludging through the day like a sick, tired zombie and time is oozing by. Last night, after a long day of driving, I had a couple of hours to relax with Kathryn and they were over before I knew it. Sure, you could bring mathematics and physics and probably even chemistry into the argument, but what it really boils down to is time flies when you’re having fun and stops when you’re not.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s been raining pretty much nonstop down here for a few days now and my town is on the brink of getting separated from the rest of the world. Rumor has it that the bridge heading out of town is going to be closed in a few hours due to rising water levels, and the road I take to work was literally inches away from being flooded over when I came in this morning. To the best of my limited geographical knowledge, because of other areas already flooded, the only way out of town is going to be straight north, up US 167, which just happens to be the first road I planned on taking tonight when I head home to Michigan. Unfortunately, there is a river I will have to cross at some point, and whether or not I can find a bridge that hasn’t been closed will be the deciding factor in how successful my trip out here will be. We’ve got a US atlas, an Arkansas map (that I plan on buying at the gas station before we leave) and several printouts from Google maps. Let the adventure begin.

PS
Mad props to anyone who gets the reference in this post's title.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I spent most of last week in Miami chauffeuring the Germans around. It was easy work and I ate a lot of really good meals, but I did miss, as one man put it, “The most snow I’ve seen in Batesville in the 25 years I’ve been here.” Annoying to this native Michigander, but what are you gonna do? When duty calls and offers to put you up in a four star hotel and take you to gourmet restaurants, you just have to grin and bear it.

Snow and food aside, here’s where the story gets good. Friday morning when we were loading luggage into vans I hurt my back. I was stupid and performed a kicking maneuver to flip a bag up and into my arms. The bag came up just fine, but as it did, I was hit with a shooting pain in my back so bad I couldn’t hold onto the bag. It fell down while I doubled over in pain. It was safe to say that baggage loading was done, but not wanting to feel useless, I still drove the van. Every bump and pothole I hit sent pains shooting from my lower back down to my ankles.

Fortunately, our doctor was going on the cruise too so he was at the hotel. In between trips I had him take a look at me. He poked and prodded, put me through a serious of positions and concluded that yes, I had hurt my back. Apparently, at the time, and in the doctor’s office that was my hotel room, there wasn’t much else that could be done. So he helped me roll onto my side and gave me a handful of painkillers that apparently he keeps in his luggage for just such occasions. Lucky me. I was left facing the wall in the fetal position with explicit instructions not to lift anything, not even my own luggage.

Continue reading "My Back and How it Feels to be Useless" »

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We usually spend Saturday afternoon in Batesville’s only coffee shop, but this weekend they were in the process of changing locations. So instead I set out on a mission to find some good LPs for a new record player I just bought with some overtime cash. It’s the kind that not only plugs into a stereo but also attaches to my computer via USB so I can convert vinyl to mp3. The fun part of looking for old records it that they’re usually really cheap; at the end of day spent scrounging around yard sales you can still afford to munch on takeout Mu Shu Pork while listening to your new stack of 45s. Unfortunately, the junk store I originally wanted to revisit was no longer in business, and the antique mall we ended up browsed through had sellers who actually knew what their records were worth. I found an amazing Johnny Cash LP selling for $30.00 and a few Elvis albums for 15 bucks a pop—a little more than I was looking to spend. But in a cardboard box upstairs I picked out two albums by Herb Alpert and one by Randy Newman, all for six dollars. As an added bonus Kathryn bought an antique gold watch/necklace. Substitute Quiznos for the aforementioned Mu Shu pork and all in all, it was a pretty successful day.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

(this post liable to change after I reread it a few times)

Lately, I’ve been working to close Uncle Don’s email account, which involved sorting through 8,000+ messages to see if there was anything that should be kept. The vast majority his inbox was stuffed with junkmail, but in between ads for cheep medications and penis enlargement devices, I read a handful of emails to and from real people—mostly family members. Whenever I find a real message I feel that I’m walking a tightrope between scanning to see if it should be kept and respecting his privacy. It’s a strange dichotomy. Actually, every time I log into his account I get this sort of melancholy voyeuristic feeling marked occasionally by sudden glimpses into the private life of somebody I’ve always considered to be an extraordinary human being. It’s a task I find both comforting and uncomfortable, pleasant and unpleasant.

The more I think about what I’m doing, the more I think that it is a process of taking another person’s memories and freezing them forever in an electronic ice that consists at it’s very base not of atoms of hydrogen and oxygen, but as ones and zeros that I will never actually touch, just as I will never again touch Don. I may not have him physically, but will retain my own memories, my own organic ones and zeros. It’s also a process that helps force me to accept the fact that I will never see Don again. I will never spend another lazy Sunday afternoon in Ypsilanti, eating whatever gourmet-esk takeout Don happens to recommend; will never spend another weekend night between semesters on his couch; never watch a movie from his bed or play poker on his porch in the dark.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

You know those horrible stories you tell at parties that at first seem brilliant but halfway through you realize it’s going nowhere and will end with awkward silence? While perusing the dictionary once (yes, I know how nerdy that is) I came upon the entry for Shaggy Dog Story, which perfectly described those stories. Bourke and I latched onto that definition and occasionally send each other Shaggy Dog Stories. So I was excited to find an email in my inbox today with the subject line, you guessed it, Shaggy Dog Story. Here are a few of the best lines:

“…my sore throat is so bad by now I have resorted to itching my tonsils with Q-tips”

“The doctor I saw there was a young buck about 30ish with a full blond beard and greasy long golden hair to his shoulders.”

“He takes one look into my mouth and says… ‘You have Scarlet Fever.’ The first thing I say is ‘Well, that’s not good is it?’”

I can’t begin to explain how incredibly awesome this story was. First off, he was scratching the very back of his throat with Q-tips. I get gaggy just thinking about it. Secondly, nothing ups the confidence I have in my doctor like greasy hair and bad hygiene. Lastly, Bourke had Scarlet Fever. Let me repeat that last one: Bourke had SCARLET FEVER. I didn’t know that still existed.

The story itself was probably a little too interesting/funny to be a true Shaggy Dog Story, but it made my morning.

In other news, congratulations Kelly Kelly on your upcoming marriage.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Friday night we checked out the specialty beer section in Kroger and found this.

Needless to say, we bought it, and I’m happy to report that not only was it fun, it was delicious too. Also, the newest HE’BREW beer, Jewbelation, contains eleven hops, eleven malts, sports a whopping 11% alcohol by volume and has a campaign revolving around the amp that goes up to 11 in This is Spinal Tap. I’ve gotta get me some of that.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Comfort food. Why is it always so unhealthy? I don’t often turn to food for comfort, but on the rare occasion that I do, why is it that I never crave carrot sticks? After a crummy day yesterday I didn’t feel like eating anything in my fridge, so I went to the Wal-Mart to look for something cheese-stuffed to smother my sorrows with. Fortunately, I was able to talk myself out of eating an entire frozen pizza for dinner like I had planned. Instead I had three packs of beef flavored Ramen and a Pepsi. As far as comfort food goes, it probably wasn’t that bad of a meal.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

On account of the several calls I’ve gotten this morning, I’d like to say that no tornadoes came through Batesville. They tell me that because we’re in a valley, we don’t really get them right here. Also, despite tornadoes all around her area, Kathryn made it out alive as well.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

My office shut down yesterday morning around 10:30 because of a snowstorm. Even though it was hardly a “storm” by the standards I’m used to, there was definitely enough that by the time I got home, my neighbors had built quite an impressive snowman that was still standing this morning. I miss Michigan winters, so this is a nice treat.

I stopped by the coffee shop on my way home yesterday for a hot drink and enjoyed being able to soak up the warmth while I shrugged off the snow my coat caught on the quick walk from jeep to front door. If I hadn’t been in a hurry to get home for a nap, I would have sat by the window and watched the snow fall for a while. It’s a rare occasion that I get a chance for a midmorning snooze.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

As my good friend Casey once pointed out, people will do a lot for a free sandwich. I think an interesting show would be to stand on the street and see just exactly what people would do for a free sandwich. Sort of like what would you do for a Klondike bar, but with sound effects and giant robots. It couldn’t be just any sandwich though; it would have to be something good like a foot long meatball sub, or a killer Dagwood.

Speaking of big sandwiches, Kathryn made a mean big sandwich this weekend. Picture this: Hollow out a round loaf of sourdough, then layer salami, roast beef, spinach, onions, mushrooms and mozzarella cheese. Repeat until the loaf is filled to the brim. Slap the top back on and put the whole thing in the oven at low heat for a long-ass (it’s metric) time. It’s kind of pain to eat, but it’s damn tasty and looks pretty.

Here’s my own big sandwich recipe. Cut a loaf of French bread in half lengthwise. Pile on a pound of cooked Italian sausage, a pound of shredded pepper jack cheese, roasted red peppers, green onion, Dijon mustard and a little mayo. Put the top on and bake until toasted and melty.

I know 5K has a good big sandwich recipe too, but I can’t remember what it is. But those are the kinds of sandwiches that people would their wear pants on their heads for.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Every other Monday morning at exactly 4:45 a.m., I think to myself, “What the hell am I doing?” But once I’m a little more awake and Memphis is 20 or so miles behind me, I remember that I actually like the morning drive, and it’s definitely worth the painfully-early wakeup to spend all of Sunday evening with Kathryn. Today was actually the first Memphis to Batesville morning drive I’ve had in some time. It was nineteen degrees outside and the sun didn’t rise until I was nearly three-quarters of the way home. The heater was on, the radio was on and my gloves were on. I was actually cozy and comfortable for most of the drive, which gave me plenty of alone time with my thoughts. This is what I came up with – I should have bought that cheese. Almost three hours alone in the car and the best my brain could do was lament about the fact I didn’t buy the block of Bread Cheese I found at the grocery store Sunday afternoon. Way to go me.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I’m already excited about Valentines Day, but probably for all the wrong reasons. Just one reason actually, dinner. Right now, we’re planning on going to a restaurant that only has something like 5 or 6 entrees on the menu. Wait! Before you judge, listen to this: There are nearly 50 appetizers! More I think if you count all the cheeses separately. And, these aren’t just any appetizers either—they’re from all over the world. French appetizers and Mediterranean appetizers and Spanish appetizers and probably super-secret alien appetizers from Mars, though I haven’t had that one confirmed yet. It’s a good thing it’s almost five because I’m getting hungry.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After Blockbuster Online limited my in-store exchanges and raised my rates, I recently switched back to Netflix, and I am loving their unlimited streaming movie. Since I only have one tv channel, and it doesn’t have many good shows I like having instant access to mind numbing entertainment. Netflix boasts a catalog of over 6,000 movies and tv shows to download. And while it is true that there are quite a few to choose from on the site, you sometimes have to sort through a number of bombs like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter before you come to the real gems, ala The Usual Suspects or Heroes: Season 1. This weekend alone I watched three or four episodes of Heros, one episode of 30 Rock, two documentaries, one full-length movie and about 5 minutes of a foreign film that didn’t appear to be going anywhere. Before you ask, yes it was a very lazy weekend. What I like best, if it doesn’t work out, I just hit the back button and choose something else. Seriously though, one of these days I will have to rent Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter just to see what it’s like.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I do most of my non-grocery shopping online these days since the selection of stores in Batesville is rather limited. Last night I was buying something for someone and I noticed something strange. I'm glad I'm not living in Massachusetts or my total would have been... exactly the same.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I know it’s been way too long since I’ve put anything up, especially with all of the stuff that’s been happening in my life, but I haven’t had the time, energy or drive lately. One of my many New Year’s Resolutions is to write here more regularly, along with regular exercise and possibly giving up pop. Before I start the regular postings, let me catch you up. Sadly, Uncle Don passed away late Christmas Eve. I was in Corpus Christi for Christmas with the Parkers (Kathryn’s family) when it happened. To get home we couldn’t find plane tickets even remotely reasonably priced even with a bereavement discount so we ended up on a massive day and a half travel marathon, starting at five in the morning on our way to the airport and ending with three hours of driving 40 mph through the snow. It’s a unique experience to be on the beach in shorts and a t-shirt one day then in Michigan winter the next.

The funeral was nice and I got some much-needed closure acting as a pallbearer. The act of placing Don’s casket into the hearse was surprisingly hard for me, yet offered exactly what I needed. I would/should write more about Don and his life, but I feel like there is nothing I can say here that won’t come off sounding melodramatic. However, I will say this: Don did a lot of good things with his life and touched many people; I will miss him.

Aside from the sad reason for coming home, the trip was actually quite nice as I got to see my family and friends. Not to mention all of the glorious snow and obligatory trip to Joe’s, or hearing any of the many, many good stories told over the long weekend. Kathryn is still teasing me about a certain story she heard in which yours truly making a peanut butter and ketchup sandwich.

Coming home we experienced snow in various amounts all the way into Kentucky. The thing about driving in snow is that it requires heightened concentration. I’m not afraid to do it, I don’t mind doing it, but after hours of snow driving, you tend to be quite worn out. I’m not saying this to complain, just to clarify; even though I had half a day of recovery time yesterday, I’m still exhausted and look forward to the weekend. I also woke up this morning with a headache behind my right eye. It’s finally fading after a couple of pills and half a cup of coffee, but it wasn’t a fun way to get back to work. This is my first at work after a twelve-day Christmas vacation and I’m ready for the weekend. Such is life.

Like I said, I plan on writing here more often this year, so stay tuned and good luck with your resolutions.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What kind of Christmas season would it be if Coke didn’t break out the winter themed bottles? No kind if you ask me. That’s why I was amused when I stumbled across these little gems while pursuing my local Wal-Mart.

They’re quite small, just 13.5 five oz, which is only slightly more than a can. I bought a few because I’m an impulse shopper and soon realized that for some reason, which I’m sure is rooted in physics, I have trouble drinking from it. Aside from the beverage flow problems I still like the new bottle. Notice the strong winter motif—It’s a landscape with pine trees and snowflakes. It practically smacks in you in the face while screaming, “It’s cold outside so you better drink sugar water!” Perfect for the time of year.

Something I noticed right away was that in a stunning departure from tradition, the bottle has no CG polar bears or Norman Rockwell-esk Santas sipping coke while eating gingerbread men. I guess the whole cookies and coke thing never took off. There is one thing I don’t quite get though. Why did the Coca Cola Company decided to model their new Christmas bottle after a hand grenade?

You can’t deny the eerie resemblance. The only thing I can figure is that they are trying to steal customers away from Pepsi, who tends to market themselves as new and hip compared to Cokes drive for nostalgia. If that’s the case Coke could have done a little better in the design department. I took it upon myself to improve on their original design. But then I thought why stop there, so I created a new line of edgy Coke bottles.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I was thinking about Pink Panther bars today for some reason so I decided to do a little research. Even though I haven’t seen one in a very long time, I found that they still show up on the Bomb Pop web site. So I sent them the following email asking about the situation.

To whom it may concern:

I have spent the last several years searching in vain for a specific delightful treat from my childhood--the Pink Panther bar. I notice that the Bomb Pop web site still shows them as a product, but I must say I haven't actually seen one in at least a decade. Believe me, I've looked at the side of every passing ice cream truck (and the lesser popular ice cream vans) and never have I seen the familiar pink face staring back at me.

Just thinking about the sweet, sweet cherry flavor and bubble gum eyes of that perfect dessert known as the Pink Panther bar makes my mouth water. Seriously right now it's watering, and all I have on my desk is an orange. Tasty to be sure, but nothing compared to my old favorite.

Why have you forsaken the glorious Pink Panther bar? Please tell me they are still available. I will order in bulk if I must. I’ll even spring for a second freezer to store my cache of Pinky Goodness.

Eagerly awaiting the good news,
John Jamros

Continue reading "Pink Panther Bars" »

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

My body feels like it is so high strung that at any moment I’m going to explode into a million billion pieces of vibrating energy. Let me explain.

Yesterday afternoon I noticed a slight headache. The dull kind—just painful enough that you notice it’s there but not bad enough to prompt you to take an aspirin. Later in the evening it suddenly shifted into high gear and I felt as though somebody had shoved ten red-hot knitting needles through my right eye socket and proceeded to relentlessly wiggle them back and forth. Having given away my last Excedrin to Kathryn earlier in the day, I had no other choice but to go to bed early and hope for the best. Unfortunately the pain kept me awake, so I rummaged through the cabinet under my bathroom sink until I found something that promised to relieve pain, sinus congestion and other cold symptoms. Not ideal, but any port in a storm. I took it. I fell asleep. I woke up early. The pain had been reduced but still lingered. The knitting needles behind my eye were no longer red-hot, but they were still there, wiggling around and causing the occasional wince. Since I was up early, I stopped by the store on my way to work and bought a bottle of Excedrin Migraine and a bottle of orange juice. I immediately took the pills and chugged the orange juice. Then when I got to work, I leisurely drank my morning coffee. Now, the headache is 99 percent gone. But between my coffee and the caffeine laced migraine pills, I am wired. Combine that with the fact that I have a “desk job” and I’m already jazzed about my two-day workweek, and I am one pent up ball of electric energy, bursting at the seams.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I absolutely, positively cannot wait to come home for Thanksgiving. I’m already having trouble sleeping because I’m so excited. Exactly one week from tonight, Kathryn and I will be landing in Michigan and I can finally prove to Sarah and Bryan that I do indeed have a real girlfriend, not some imaginary friend. I’ll also be able to meet Grody, see my family, watch the parade on tv, visit with friends and, perhaps most importantly, stuff myself sick with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and cranberry sauce. When you think about, is there really a better way to say thanks than eating until you are so uncomfortably full that you have to loosen your pants and take a nap? I sure don’t think so. After all, it’s what Squanto did isn’t it? Ah Squanto, that helpful former-slave who taught the pilgrims how to catch eels, cultivate maize and eat until you want to throw up just so you can eat some more. I’m sure he’d be impressed with America’s many fine Competitive Eating Champions. But I digress. I can’t wait to come home for Thanksgiving. Good times will be had. Oh yes, they will.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I baked bread this week, and it made my apartment smell like a bakery. Surprising I know. Last week I made a massive pot of chili. For dinner last night I cut two big slabs of fresh homemade bread, put them on a plate and slathered them with chili. Mmm. Good stuff. When I actually take the time to cook, I eat pretty damn well for a bachelor.

This weekend will mark the first pasties of the season, something I’m really looking forward too. I’ve introduced the traditional Yooper food to a number of people down here and everybody loves them. But really, who can resist the combination of pie and meat—two of nature’s most perfect foods. I think Grandma Virginia made the best pasties, but mine are pretty good too, and I look forward to a week of leftovers.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A funny thing happened to me last weekend. I was eating two homemade (read: Kathryn made) patty melts for dinner and I found myself thinking wow, this is a lot of meat. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. I’m what you might call, a lover of all things meat. I’ve been known to ingest whole meals consisting of nothing but meat.

But lately something has changed. In the past year or so, I’ve noticed several instances where I went a whole week without eating any meat, workweek that is. This is strange and scary territory for me. What’s next I wonder? No booze, no video games, no scooping road kill up and flinging it through my neighbors open window while shouting, “monkeys love chocolate too!” I shudder to think about how my life will be when that day arrives.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Happy Early Halloween!

I did this in my free time at work today.

Click on the images to embiggen.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After a voicemail from my sister, and a quick check of the LSJ obituaries, I’m sad to say that my high-school friend Kenny Ploch passed away two days ago.

For a span of maybe five or six years, Kenny was one of my best friends. We rode bikes, played Super Nintendo, built forts, had bonfires and generally just bummed around. As we grew up our lives headed in different directions and we drifted apart shortly after I graduated high school. I haven’t seen or heard anything about him in years.

I honestly can’t say I’m surprised by the news. I think it’s safe to say Kenny was a troubled kid. He was constantly having problems at school and had more than his share of brushes with the law. One of the last few times I heard any news of how he was doing, Casey had seen him drinking while driving and swearing he was never going to go back to jail.

I got to see a different side of him though. One that I like to think maybe offered him some peace. I didn’t drink or smoke or do anything even remotely “bad” in high school. Consequently, when Kenny and I hung out, neither did he. He didn’t hide the other side of his life from me, he just respected that I didn’t want to be a part of it. That’s the Kenny I will remember.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I’ve been hit with culture shock on more than one occasion since I moved down here. Mostly they’ve been centered around debates on what constitutes cold weather or misunderstandings due to southern accents (like what good could it possible do to have children collect penises for the poor). But this weekend, after playing a rousing game of The Floor is Lava with Kathryn’s cat, I asked Kathryn if she was ever in a snowball fight where you lost the ability to use whatever part of your body was hit. Many a winter night of my youth was spent locked in snow battles where I had to hop on one foot or throw with my left hand because I had “lost” a limb to a well-aimed snowball. Before she could even answer I realized the stupidity of my question. Having grown up in the south, she could only remember playing in the snow twice as a kid.

Logically I know it doesn’t really snow down here; therefore people don’t have snowball fights, sled or ski like they do up back home. But until that second, the reality of a childhood without snowball fights hadn’t quite hit me. I love snow. It’s at the top of my list of things that make me miss Michigan. I can’t imagine not growing up with real winter weather. At this point in my life I can still count the amount of Christmases I remember having with absolutely no snow on one hand. But I fear that second hand is not far off, as I already have my plane tickets reserved for Christmas in Texas this year. I’m looking forward to it. It’s going to be fun. But there will be a small twinge of homesickness when I look out the window Christmas morning and see not snow, but sand and grass… and the bay.

In a completely unrelated note, if you haven’t done so already, head over to the seedy underbelly of this page and check out the Mantoge video.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Even though it’s still a ways away, I thought I’d mention that Kathryn and I are going to come to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Right now I’m planning on going out that Friday night after Thanksgiving. Maybe Rum Runners, maybe the Riv, maybe Harpers, maybe just Joe’s. There’s plenty of time to decide, I just wanted to give everyone a heads up.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Bored? Have a decent internet connection? Want to entertain yourself by watching the trailers for some movies that I want to see? Well great! Here you go.

Be Kind Rewind
Why I want to see it:
The premise may sound incredibly stupid, but it looks like Mos Def and Jack Black pull it off perfectly. Best of all, it’s not just Jack Black being Jack Black. He’s actually acting again.

Best line in the trailer:
“I will shoot you and I know robot karate.”

Howl's Moving Castle
Why I want to see it:
When was the last time you saw a new animated movie that wasn’t CGI? Plus it’s a freaking moving castle! How can you pass that up.

Best clip in the trailer:
The walking castle. Duh.

I Am Legend
Why I want to see it:
Because The Last Man on Earth with Vincent Price is one of my all time favorite survival horror movies, and I think Will Smith will do it justice.

Best clip in the trailer:
Will Smith walking through Time’s Square overrun with chest-high weeds.

The Darjeeling Limited
Why I want to see it:
You mean besides the fact it's Wes Anderson? I guess it's because it looks like Anderson is back on his A game. Don't get me wrong The Life Aquatic was good and all, but it certainly wasn't his best. This very well could be on par with early films.

Best quote from trailer:
“What'd he say?"
"He says the train is lost."
"How can the train be lost? It's on rails."

What are you looking forward to seeing?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

You may not be able to see me, but trust me when I say, right now I’m doing the I Just Won $100 Dance. I know what you’re thinking: How does one do the I Just Won $100 Dance? I’m glad you asked. First you have to win $100. Talk to me again after you complete step one.

I’m a regular participant in the woot.com Photoshop contest, but so far I haven’t had any luck getting so much as an honorable mention. But this week, BAM! First place. The object was to merge woot! with another business. You can see my award winning entry here in all of its glory… and in case there is any confusion, I go by the name of pigmann.

Larger View of the 1st Place Image

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’m a nerd. It’s true, I can admit it. But, and I may be biased here, I think I also happen to be one hell of a cool nerd. I drink, I have a girlfriend and I generally refrain from truly geeky activities such as arguing over who shot first, Han or Greebo (the answer is of course Han); I’m not physically awkward; and I don’t wear high-water pants.

That said, there are times in my life when I have to look at myself and say, “Johnny, you are one huge geek.” I had one of those moments last weekend when I came out of the comic book store with a bag containing not just a few new comics, but also sleeves and boards to protect those comics and others I had at home. As a child I read comics but it wasn’t a nerdy thing to do because A. I was a little boy and 2. when I finished reading a comic I didn’t carefully slip it into a plastic sleeve before putting it in it’s proper place on the shelf. This is of course a shame, because had I had the foresight to take care of them properly, I would currently be in possession of a couple of noteworthy (read worth money) issues. But who’s to say I wouldn’t have pawned them for video game money by now anyway.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I sort of stopped buying video games a while back; mostly I just rent them now. They’re expensive and when I get a new one I tend to get addicted and do nothing but sit in front of the Xbox until it’s beaten.

However, I am going to buy the Orange Box when it comes out, and if you have a 360, I suggest you do to. Not just because it’s 5 full games in one box, not just because Half Life 2 rocks the hizzy, not just because Portal looks so incredibly innovative that I might be able to get Kathryn to play it, but because the Orange Box also includes Team Fortress 2, and I think we can have some wicked awesome long-distance game nights with this one. I call dibs on the engineer… or the sniper… or the spy… no, probably the engineer.

When Halo 3 comes out, I’m probably not going to buy it, but I’ve been looking forward to the Orange Box for months. On October 9th, I’ll be spending my lunch hour at the store if you know what I mean. Games like Halo are great, but I prefer my multiplayers where everybody on the team can have a specific job and work together.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here’s something that’s interesting. In the post below I mentioned that I signed my name next to a massive lunch bill. It was a fun experience, but also in some ways scary. Let me explain.

Monday I was in charge of taking a group of about 14 Germans to lunch at Red Lobster. We had a nice leisurely meal and when the check arrived (almost $400) I handed the waitress a corporate credit card with somebody else’s name on it. I added an extra tip for their trouble and signed my own name—my own name, as in not the name on the credit card. The signature on the bill didn’t just look a little different from the one on the card; it was a completely different name. But nobody thought to ask me about it. At no point was I asked to show my ID.

After lunch we went to Starbucks. Same thing. Large bill, credit card that wasn’t mine, signature that didn’t match and no questions asked. Of course, I had permission to be using the card, but they didn’t know that.

A few weeks ago I made a 250-dollar purchase on my own credit card, and was never asked to show ID. That worries me. I rarely sign my name on digital card readers in stores anymore. I either scribble lines like a child who hasn’t yet learned to write, or I write a single random word like “hello.” Many places don’t even require a signature anymore if the total is under a set amount. Casey once told me that he’s made no-questions-asked purchases with Amelia’s debit card, and her face is on it. I thought we were living in an identity theft conscious age. Does this stuff worry anybody else?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I’ve been way to busy to put up anything new lately. In fact, last night was the first night in 12 days that I slept in my own (more importantly, new) bed. That’s because my days have been split between Memphis, Batesville and Heber Springs, working massive overtime at Life Plus University.

It was interesting to be behind the scenes and see everything that goes into putting on a conference and taking care of 40 German people, many of which spoke little English. A few behind the scenes tidbits that I was included in were: being one of the few people to know that the houseboat lost both engines and we were temporarily stranded in the middle of the lake; standing on top of said houseboat during a rainstorm helping to cover thousands of dollars worth of karaoke equipment with trash bags; searching the office for the preferred large coffee straws and Splenda; helping to organize the Life Plus Olympics (series of team building games) and tallying the scores; making a last minute trip to McDonalds to order 35 double cheeseburgers, dumping them into a plastic tub and later disposing of the uneaten ones; and my favorite--signing my name to a not-quite, but almost 400 dollar lunch bill on the company credit card.

It was hard, exhausting work, but a lot of fun. I was so worn out that when I had the day off yesterday to recuperate, I slept through most of it and was still able to sleep fairly soundly through the night.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Let's play a little game. It's called where are you sleeping tonight. I'll go first.

CLICK FOR BIGGIE SIZE

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 06:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I’m sick. Yesterday morning I woke up with a sore throat, and by 9:00 I had that nasty, run-down, achy feeling all over my body. It’s a super busy week here getting ready for Life Plus University though, so I didn’t want to go home early. By the time 5:00 rolled around, all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and zone out. When I finally got home I prepared for an evening of doing nothing by turning on the Xbox and grabbing a six-pack of Vernors, a bottle of grape juice, two breakfast bars and bag of grapes. By the end of the night I had drank half the Vernors and all of the grape juice, plus several glasses of water. While I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that flushing the body with liquids is great when you are sick, I now know to vary those liquids a little bit more. It seems that much grape juice in a short span of time has quite the negative effect on the digestive tract. About three quarters of the way through the bottle, I began to notice the effects. But not wanting to get off the couch or drink any more pop, I continued on. Though not nearly as horrifying a result as would have been obtained from drinking a gallon of apple cider, I definitely don’t plan to reenact last night’s grape juice debacle any time soon.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

There’s not a lot to do in Batesville, so when Kathryn visits we tend to watch a lot of movies. This weekend was no exception, and Saturday afternoon we went to Blockbuster. I wanted to rent Out Cold. It’s not the greatest movie ever, but I was in the mood to watch something with Zach Galifianakis in it. And when that’s the mood you’re in, you don’t have many choices. It wasn’t on the rack, so I went to the front of the store to ask the clerk but couldn’t bring myself to actually ask, on account of the fact the only clerk on duty was currently breaking up with her boyfriend and I didn’t want to interrupt them.

Instead of Out Cold, we picked up The Ex and the first disc to season one of Arrested Development. Then, we wandered around the store pretending to be looking at movies and watching the drama unfold through gaps in the movie racks, while we waited for the break-up to finish. Well… I was watching the drama unfold through the gaps; Kathryn was being polite and trying to ignore them. We had just about made a complete lap around the New Releases when the guy finally left, but we thought it might be rude to go up before she had finished crying, so we checked out the previously viewed movies on sale for a couple of minutes.

The moral of the story is don’t rent The Ex. Don’t be fooled by the fact it stars Zach Braff; it’s not very good.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There are many reasons I don’t particularly care for the South—the rampant racism for instance. Aside from the prolific number of rebel flags I see flying on poles, hanging from eves, plastered to bumpers, airbrushed onto tailgates and tattooed on arms, another aspect of southern living I don’t like is dealing with the weather… especially summer.

I have two major issues with summer down here. The first is the unrelenting, oppressive, sweltering heat (if that’s not enough adjectives I’ll also toss in sticky, unbearable, constant and hellish). Before I went home for Bourke’s wedding we had spent two weeks consistently above 100 degrees; 110 with the heat index. If you haven’t experienced prolonged exposure to it, let me assure you that there is nothing quite as unrefreshing as a warm breeze on a hot day. Literally, the only time I spent outside during that time was when I was forced to travel to and from work. Fortunately it’s cooled down a bit since I’ve come back. Now it’s only in the mid to high 90s.

My second major issue with summer down here is that it seems to be the chicken-harvesting season. Three or four days a week I get stuck behind a semi hauling stinking, dying chickens to the Pilgrim processing plant. If I’m really lucky, we’ll get stopped at a red light and I’ll have to sit next to the reeking mess for a few minutes, digging my nose into my sleeve and trying desperately not to breathe through my mouth. There is no stench on this earth like that of several hundred foul fowl caged together on a muggy day.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last night I went to bed around 11:00, slept restlessly all night, then woke up this morning a little after 4:30 so I could drive from Memphis to Batesville in time to shower and change for work. Considering I had been on overdrive the past several days with wedding stuff and visiting friends and family, it’s safe to say I’m pretty damn exhausted right now. I can’t wait for bed and it’s not even lunchtime yet—I’m in for a long day. But it was worth it. I thought about recapping the whole trip, but I decided against it. Instead I’ll just say it was one of those experiences that make me stop and think, “So this is what it’s like to be an adult.” I mean of course, what it’s like to be an adult aside from the fact that my mommy got my plane ticket for me.

One of the nice things that happens when you have a cool camera is that lots of people want to play with it. So, between people playing with it, Ryan acting as my personal cameraman and my own picture taking, I have well over 300 hundred pictures to sort through. Since I my photo album here is still down and not coming up any time soon, and since the pictures are massively high-res, I plan on weeding out the really bad shots and burning everything else to discs that I’ll mail out. Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll add you to the mailing list.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The drive from my work to Kathryn’s apartment takes about 2:40. That’s plenty of time for thinking about nothing in particular. Last night, at about the 2:20 minute mark, in a conversation I had in my mind with an unnamed person I had this to say:

“You know what? I hope that when I die not a single tear is shed. I hope people look at my life and say he was a great guy who did some good things with his life, and right now he’s in heaven drinking sacramental Zimas with his main man Jesus. I hope people don’t cry over my death, I want them to celebrate my life. I hope at some point somebody says ‘Remember that time that prick stole fifty bucks from me and never paid it back?’ And I hope ten minutes later somebody else says, ‘Remember that time my wife walked out on me, so Johnny took off work to spend the day with me drinking beer and playing video games?’”

From there it just kind of trailed off and repeated itself in various ways.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 06:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I think part of being an adult is coming to terms with the fact that most of the mail you receive will be bills and junk mail. This is opposed to being a child when most of the mail you get is birthday cards and video game magazines. I was excited yesterday when I had a decidedly “kid mail” day; I opened my tiny little mailbox and found it stuffed with three comic books, three movies from blockbuster online and one do-it-yourself magazine. That is to say one magazine that covers do-it-yourself projects and ideas, not a magazine that you make yourself. There were a few pieces of junk mail in the mix too, but for the most part it was a damn good haul.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

When I was pulling into the parking lot at work today I watched a woman go to the vending machines behind the building and buy a breakfast Pepsi. Just the idea of drinking 20oz of liquid sugar for breakfast made my stomach hurt. Then I remembered my old neighbor down here used to drink a can of Mountain Dew every morning; I guess he didn’t like coffee but still wanted that jolt of caffeine. Maybe it’s because when I was growing up pop was a Friday night treat, but I just can’t grasp the concept of Coca Cola as a breakfast beverage. It makes my teeth ache just thinking about it.

Though I must admit, on the extremely rare occasion I have both things available, my all time favorite breakfast consists of leftover wedding cake and a glass of Pepsi. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced that particular joy, it might turn my stomach into knots if I tried it today. These days, every morning my breakfast consists of a Kellogg’s blueberry breakfast bar and a cup of plain ol’ black coffee. I’ve experimented with the mixed berry flavor, but it just isn’t the same.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The thing about making a High Dynamic Range image is that they turn out best when comprised of a series of photos. The less desirable way is to use a single .raw file. Since I was dealing with moving images at the fair, I had to go with the .raw. To further muck up the process, I used trial version software at work, rather than the full version at home to do the fancy converting. Nonetheless, for the first serious attempt at making some HDR images, I think these turned out rather good.

Carousel
Carousel Compare
Hurricane
Hurricane Compare
Rainbow
Rainbow Compare

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Thanks for all the Birthday calls, posts, emails, cards, etc. It’s nice to know I’m remembered even if I don’t get many chances to come home and visit.

In other news, has anyone else tried the Simpsonizer?

It took quite a few tries because the site is so busy, but this is me as a Simpsons character.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This is the 48 Hour Film Project weekend! My team consists of myself, Kathryn, my friend Wes and a whole bunch of people I don’t know. I have two six packs of beer, a script writing program on my laptop and my thinking cap set for stun; I can’t wait for this day to end so we can get started. Good times are pretty much guaranteed.

This is how it works: you are assigned a genre, a line of dialogue, a character name and a prop. Then you have 48 hours to script, film and edit a seven-minute movie. It’s a little hardcore in that you have to own the rights to any music or pictures you use, and have to have signed permission for any locations you film at.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As I was just falling asleep Friday night I managed to stab myself in the face with my thumbnail. I don’t remember the actual stabbing, but I do remember clutching my face in pain. I narrowly missed shoving my thumb into my eye socket, and now I have a little gash next to my right eye. Near as I can tell, I must have had one of those nifty full-body jerk things while my hand was positioned perfectly to smash my thumbnail into my face. Just lucky I guess.

In other news, we saw Transformers this past weekend. I had read reviews that said the movie was two hours of giant robots fighting with each other, and I was not disappointed. Though it was more like two hours and twenty minutes of hot robot-on-robot action. The best part of the movie, and I say this loosely because there are easily a dozen “best parts”, happens when the Autobots are being introduced to the humans. One of the robots does a nifty little break dance and says, “What's crackin' little bitches?” I had to turn to Kathryn and ask if he actually called them little bitches.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Click for massive

Click for massive

Click for massive

I was on my way to grab something for dinner and I found this near my apartment. It just so happened I had my camera with me so I started shooting.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Happy 4th of July. Celebrate by taking this test to see if you could become a citizen. I scored 85 percent.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Has anyone out there seen Black Snake Moan? The movie is good, damn good, but the soundtrack is absolutely brilliant—mostly hard pounding, soulful blues. I’d say, more than any movie I’ve ever seen, the soundtrack in Black Snake Moan is a character in its own right, and obviously made to be so. It’s not in the background; it’s in the foreground, punctuating scenes and driving the movie forward. I’ll even say it’s probably the best soundtrack I’ve heard since Garden State.

Of course, a big part of the reason I liked it so much is that I enjoy good blues music. A man who knows more about music than I do once said that blues is about a good man living a bad life. I tend to agree with that, and I’d add that because of this, more than other genres, the blues is an extension of the heart and the soul. It’s this visceral quality that appeals to me. Go to a heavy metal concert, or a Phish concert, or a rap concert and you’ll find everyone looks, more or less, the same. But find yourself a good blues bar and you will literally see people from all walks of life coming together for a few hours. But, I digress, the point of this post is just to tell everyone to go rent Black Snake Moan and pay special attention to the soundtrack.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Wedding pictures are up. Because I'm still not sure what I'm doing with pictures here, I put them up over at www.jamros.net. Enjoy.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

According to the AFI, I’ve seen the four greatest movies ever made. Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Casablanca and Raging Bull. I missed 5, 6 and 7 but picked up again on #8 Schindler’s List. In all, I’ve watched 39 of the 100. Curiously, The Erotic Adventures of Hercules seems to have been omitted. Let's all remember to vote for it next year.

If you have the time, it's interesting to compare the top 100 with the original 400 compiled for voting. But then again, if you have the time for that, why not spend it doing something more productive than sitting in front of the computer.

I took the time, and I printed off the list with a new goal in life to watch them all before the next list comes out. All that is except It’s a Wonderful Life. I have a 26-year streak of not watching that movie at Christmas time, and I don’t plan on breaking it now. The first chance to cross one off comes tomorrow night with Kathryn and it’s down to Lawrence of Arabia, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or The Wild Bunch. What do you think?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

It’s always a bit unnerving to be handed a folder with the word “original” written on the cover.

“Do you want me to make copies?” She asked.
“No, I’ll just be careful,” I said, mostly because I didn’t want to bother her.

Now I’m stuck with the original 21 pieces of glossy, printed paper, full of neat columns that contain words I’d have to go to med-school to understand. I’d rather not even touch them for fear the oil on my fingertips will leave nasty smudge marks. Oh well, I guess I’ll just refill the cup of coffee sitting perilously on the edge of my desk, and then get to work reading.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the very wee hours of the morning, I finally made it back to my apartment. I took the morning off so I could recover from the trip before coming in to work, but I think I actually slept in just a little too long. I have that annoying groggy feeling that comes from sleeping too much. But that will pass soon enough the half day is nice.

It was a fun trip, though I’m sorry I couldn’t see more of you. Time constraints and a busy schedule kept me pretty busy. Hopefully I’ll have more free time next time I come home. I managed to take some decent pictures and will put them up over at www.jamros.net this weekend.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I can’t tell if I’m legitimately sore, out of shape or getting old. We went camping this weekend and today I’m sore and stiff all over. A regular camping trip doesn’t usually leave me this sore, but I don’t think this was a regular trip. We went on a 2-hour cave tour that involved over 700 stair steps, took a few walks wading through the creek and went swimming twice. The second swim also involved climbing up the side of a small cliff numerous times to jump down into the water below. It was certainly more exercise than I’m used to, which was good because there was certainly more food than I’m used to too. Venison stew, brats, cheeseburgers, pancakes, breakfast scrambles, chips and dip, peanuts, Cajun fries, cheese fries, fried green tomatoes and ravioli. And of course, plenty of booze.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

An old man in a tailored suit that probably used to fit, but now hangs loosely around his body stands at the door and takes your money when you come in. He smiles a lot but doesn’t say much. It’s his bar and in his twilight years he is content to simply watch people dance and enjoy the music. Postgraduate students sit and drink with high school dropouts, while the eloquently dressed dance with their friends who can wear nothing but hand-me-downs. For a few hours late at night, under dim lights and blaring blues music everyone is equal. This is my new favorite bar.

My new favorite bar is set up a lot like a very small VFW hall. It has three rows of long tables covered with cigarette-burned, plastic tablecloths. It has bulletin boards on the walls that are decorated in the same style as the ones we used to have in school. And it only serves four kinds of beer: Bud, Busch, Miller and Heineken. Miller only comes in 32 oz bottles, Busch and Bud in 40s and Heineken in the normal 12 oz variety. Want hard liquor? Bring it yourself and order a can of pop and a bucket of ice. Food? The entire menu consists of burgers, fries and chicken wings (order the fries, they’re divine). But the live Blues band was amazing and the tiny dance floor packed with people of all ages and ethnicities. Everyone in the place was friendly. A man spilled his drink so I gave him my napkins. To thank me he bought me a 40. As if that wasn’t enough he later asked me if I needed another. At that point the world was already tinged with the fuzzy filter of a good buzz so I declined. But I did shake his hand on the way out. Good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

It’s been awhile since I’ve had much to say… so here’s a painting of Uncle Rhubarb.

In other news, I’m proud to say that my jeep outperformed a number of trucks during an off-road adventure that Kathryn and I went on last weekend. Actually, we were just looking for a good place to picnic, but the spot we were searching in is apparently a hot spot for off-roading. To get to it, you drive down a paved hill that immediately gives way to about thirty feet of loose sand before becoming solid, rocky ground. For some reason there were quite a few people who didn’t realize that you have to keep momentum going through the sand. And a weirdly high number of people who tried to haul big trailers carrying ATVs through the sand. I popped it into four wheel low and plowed through with no problem. But it was fun sitting in the shade, eating a nice picnic meal and watching rednecks getting their big trucks stuck in the sand pit. Good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Today is international Towel Day. Are you celebrating? I know I am. Of course, every day is towel day for me because I keep one in my jeep at all times. Not so much as a tribute to Douglas Adams, but because I have a bad habit of leaving the top off my jeep when it’s about to rain.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you Google image search “Gizzard Fest” the tenth picture found is of a family of sea monkeys and links to www.johnnyrockstar.net.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It’s been a slow past few days at work. I have no deadlines looming and my boss has been in Germany, which means I had very little to do around here. A few pieces came and went, but I spent a lot of my free time toying with Photoshop. I used it to mockup a couple of work related items, but then I made these.

Car
Poster
Snake Skin Johnny
Header A
Header 2

... and yes, I did turn an old Soviet propaganda poster into a Nintendo Wii advertisement.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Every morning I turn on Good Morning America while I get ready for work. Sometimes I watch parts of it, sometimes I don’t. I wasn’t paying much attention today, but I happened to look at the screen when they were displaying a picture of a young boy being given the flag during his father’s military funeral. It was a touching picture, but what came next made me laugh out loud. The screen switched to a picture of the deceased father with his army buddies in Iraq, and over his left shoulder somebody was giving the camera “The Shocker.” Obviously, whoever setup up the video montage for that particular news segment has no idea what that gesture meant. But I do, and it was hilarious to see on the morning news program.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This past Saturday was the first weekend in a long time that neither Kathryn nor I had anything we needed to do. So we took the top off my jeep and went for a picnic in the park. We packed up our foodstuffs and Kathryn’s tortoise, Darbie, and found a shaded spot overlooking a pond. We ate meat, cheese, crackers, pickles and ginger ale, then played backgammon for a bit, while Darbie roamed around exploring his temporary new surroundings. Then we went home and I took a nap because nothing wears you out faster than sitting outside taking it easy.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Monday evening I noticed strange liquid under my jeep. Tuesday morning it was worse, so I took it right into the shop. Five-hundred and some odd dollars later I have a new radiator. But not before I had to call my boss and tell her I needed a ride to work. She sent her husband to pick me up… her husband who also happens to own the company. When we came pulling into the parking lot I got a couple of looks from people wondering just what I did to deserve being chauffeured by one of the co-founders. Still, I felt rather awkward and slightly helpless. I guess it does say something about the people I work for though, when the highest up in the company have no problems picking you up for work when you need it, then taking you home, then picking you up again the next morning and finally taking you to the Jeep dealership to pick up your ride.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Man that Conan O'Brien is hilarious. It's a bit of a long read, but worth it if you have the time. Conan recently gave a commencement speech to the graduates of Harvard. Good stuff. I read it at work this morning and giggled out loud a few times. That's right, it's funny enough to make a grown man giggle. That's right I giggled, it doesn't make me less of a man. On second thought, just in case I better go drink some beer and shoot some stuff.

In other news. I'll be in Michigan for Gizzard Fest this summer. Actually, I'll be in Michigan for a wedding that happens to be taking place over Gizzard Fest weekend. My sister and brother-in-law will in town too, so I don't know how much free time I'll have, but hopefully I'll have at least one night to spend catching up with everyone.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Does anybody remember Clem, the crazed mountain man I wrestled for firewood awhile back? Well Kathryn and I were camping this weekend and went back to Clem for more firewood. It turns out that his daughter, Clementine, was getting married on Saturday. It also turns out that if you go to a crazed Ozarkian mountain man on his daughter’s wedding day, he has to grant you one favor… Oh wait, that was the godfather wasn’t it. So we must have paid for the firewood and gone back to camp where we had a nice, if not chilly weekend with overnight lows several degrees below freezing. Good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Before my alarm went off this morning my parents had already loaded up their car and started home. Not, of course, before popping into my bedroom to say goodbye. Even Uncus jumped up on my bed briefly to say goodbye. I only see my parents three or four times a year, so it’s always nice when they can come to Batesville. If you like country life, folk music, hiking and nature, rural Arkansas can actually be a decent vacation spot. And fortunately my parents do like all those things. Kathryn was around for most of their trip too, which really made for a nice weekend.

Saturday evening we visited a small town that happens to be the folk music capital of the country, or so I’m told, and listened to some traditional folk music played by a group of people sitting on a storefront porch.

We seem to have fallen into a nice routine of no matter what we do during the day,(hiking, shopping, geocaching, spelunking) in the evening my mom goes to bed while my dad and I stay up watching zombie or action movies while drinking beer and eating peanuts.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I didn't want to talk about this in case it didn't happen, but yesterday I got the go-ahead phone call and I'm officially relocating to a different Life Plus office... in Germany! Since the majority of my work goes over there anyway, the upper management decided it would be better if my division was located there. In just under two weeks, I'll have my stuff packed up and be on a plane to Europe. Well, I would if this wasn't an April fools day post anyway.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's been far, far too long since the last time I put up new cartoons. But I just uploaded not one, not two, but three new cartoons for your entertainment. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep them coming.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After leaving Memphis this morning at 5:00 am, I got into Batesville with just enough time to drop off my suitcase and check my mailbox before heading to work. Here are some highlights from my long, working weekend in Miami.

Thursday:
Arrived in Miami, showered and ate stone crabs for dinner.

Friday:
Worked until 1:00 am meeting non-English speaking Japanese at the airport and driving them to the hotel. Ended the night with a black and tan at the hotel bar.

Saturday:
Shuttled Germans from the airport to the hotel, driving a 15 passenger van through rainy, downtown Miami during rush hour for a Miami Heat and an international tennis tournament. Ended the night with a Blue Moon and a Black and Tan at the hotel bar.

Sunday:
Helped assemble luggage outside, stuffed vans full of said luggage, took it to the docks and unloaded. After several of those trips began shuttling Germans from hotel to cruise ship. When the last of the Life Plusers were on the cruise ship, I had a few administrative tasks to finish, including returning two (2) $100 a piece storeroom keys to hotel security. To celebrate a job well done, I ate a huge Cuban lunch (including a tasty Mojito) then watched television for a few hours and went to bed.

Monday:
Woke up, had a nice breakfast, hopped a cab to airport, flew into Memphis, watched a few episodes of The Critic, ate gas station hotdogs, ate BBQ ribs, had a Blue Moon and went to bed.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s Thursday morning and I’m sitting in Kathryn’s apartment. It’s not a place I generally find myself sitting during the week. But in a few hours I’ll be sitting on an airplane heading from Memphis International Airport to Miami where I’ll be spending a long weekend driving Germans from the airport to the Hotel then from the hotel to the cruise ship. I was essentially given yesterday off to run any pre-trip errands that I might need to do.

I woke up planning to fill a couple of prescriptions and just head straight to Memphis. However, when I walked outside I found I had a nasty flat. Seeing as that particular tire already had two or three cans of Fix-a-Flat in it already, I decided it was time to replace it. After inflating the leaking tire I went to the pharmacy, but the pharmacist wasn’t in yet. So left my empty bottles there and drove over to the discount tire. Not having the money for a full set I picked out the cheapest tires that matched what I already have. Cheapest being a relative term as they were $115 each. Forty minutes and $250 later I had two new front tires and was heading back to the pharmacy, only to find that there was a problem with the dosage (on something I’ve been taking for years) and they weren’t ready yet. I zipped back home, put on my leg brace that I had forgotten earlier, transferred some money to my credit card for the tires and zipped back to the pharmacy. Still not ready. They asked if I had any more errands I could run and I told them I was trying to get out of town. Fortunately, the pharmacist took pity on me and changed the dosage himself figuring that the doctor would agree with him.

I finally got to Memphis late and incredibly frustrated. But Kathryn, being the awesome woman she is, eased my pain by buying me nachos and beer. And really, is there nothing that nachos and beer can’t fix?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

The pain in my knee is gone. Vanished. The swelling and inflammation are gone too. I don’t know what happened, but my plan now is to just wear the brace for a couple of weeks just for good measure and to forget the whole strange affair.

In other news I had the most Irish Saint Patrick’s Day weekend ever. It was an Irish Food Fest in my apartment all weekend long. First we ate corned beef and cabbage, then we ate reubens, then we drank Harp and Guinness, then we ate Irish Soda bread, then we drank more Guinness and finally we ate Boxty. Mmm Mmm good. What did you eat/do for Saint Patrick’s Day?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Two interesting things happened in my life today. First, I got a new computer at work with Word 2007 on it. I don’t like it.

The second is I visited the doctor because of a strangely sore knee. When the poking, prodding and X-rays didn’t reveal anything, the doctor decided I need an MRI. There’s some finagling to be done before I can get in for that, so in the meantime I’m wearing at big, black knee brace and I’ve been given some painkillers. The latter of which made me a little loopy so I took the rest of the day off to be loopy in comfort on my couch. Good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Three kites, seventeen raw oysters, one dead shark and countless jellyfish later I’m back in Arkansas. It was a fast trip full of good food. We ate out just about every meal, several of which were right on the water... as in sitting on a deck built over the bay. It always feels good to take a vacation and escape daily life for a while, but it also feels good to get back home and settle in.

Kathryn is on Spring break now so she and her cat Zimmy are staying in Batesville for the week. Tonight we plan on making hot tuna heroes and eating in front of Stranger than Fiction.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, my massively busy month of March has begun. Today is my last day at work for the week. It’s amazing how one day off can make a week go by so fast. Tonight I’m heading to Memphis and tomorrow, early afternoon, Kathryn and I are hopping on a flight to Corpus Christi to visit her parents. Kathryn is looking forward to some time in the sun; I’m looking forward to finding an oyster bar. Mmm... Oysters. Is there anything better than a cold beer and a dozen oysters on the half shell? Sure there is: a cold beer and two dozen oysters on the half shell. I can’t wait. Jealous? I know you are.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I just read some statistics that said one in ten people fail this driving test. I scored 90%. One I truly didn't know, and the other was just a stupid mistake. Can you beat me?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

I don’t know about you. But I have every weekend in March and one weekend in April planned out already.

March 2nd Going to Memphis, TN
March 9th Going to Corpus Christi, TX
March 16th Going to relax in Batesville, AR
March 22nd Going to Miami, FL
March 30th Parents visiting Batesville, AR
April 6th Going camping in AR

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Anyone want to try to hook up on Xbox Live this Thursday evening? Name a game and I'll be there.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Number of times the media has reminded me that:
February is Black History month - 0
February is Return Shopping Carts month - 2

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I’ve pretty much been dead set against the Ghost Rider movie from the very beginning. Something about a superhero who rides a flaming motorcycle just doesn’t appeal to me. Which I guess is a little odd, since I do like the Silver Surfer, the shiny silver guy who rides an atomic surfboard around the universe. And who, by the way, will be in the next Fantastic Four movie. But that’s neither here nor there. What is “here” is Nicholas Cage playing a man who has been possessed by a demon and now fights crime with his magic chain and flaming motorcycle. Also his head is a burning skull. It doesn’t take years of movie critic experience to realize this is going to be another lackluster comic book adaptation, and I was going to ignore it until I realized this: Peter Fonda plays Mephistopheles. That in itself has sparked enough interest in me to see the movie. Not in the theaters of course, but I’m pretty sure it’ll head to DVD soon enough.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This weekend Kathryn and I played backgammon via Skype—the internet phone program. Normally something like this wouldn’t mean much as we live three hours apart, but in this particular instance we were both sitting in her living room. Rather than using one computer, or *gasp* a real life board, we chose to send our information to who-knows-how-far-away while we sat not four feet apart with her at her computer and myself at my laptop. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to use a webcam to see her face because my back was toward her. With the computers so close, there was too much feedback to actually communicate via Skype, so at least we were talking to each other over the short distance. Otherwise, the whole situation may have gotten ridiculous.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

What the hell is other? Does anyone call it something else?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I did my federal taxes last night (in record time I might add) and found that I’m only getting back half of what I was hoping for. It was a major disappointment, but I guess it makes sense, since I made twice as much this year as I did last year. After that huge bummer, instead of being productive like I had planned to be, I sat on the couch sulking and slaughtering zombies on the Xbox.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This isn’t mine. It’s from a site called http://thedailywtf.com. But it’s short, and it’s funny and it’s something that I can see myself doing.

In the late '90s, the company I was working for was trying to hire a technical writer. Our boss thought it was important that the developers, all four of us, interview each candidate as a group. Since I'm terrible at conducting interviews, I figured I would sit back and let our manager and the other developers do all the work. My plan back-fired.

When my manager asked the candidate if she had any questions for us, she responded with a fairly tame question: What do each of you like about working here? Yup, I blew it. Not being prepared and trying to come off as casual and funny I answered, What I love about working here is Pants-Free Fridays.

Stunned silence was followed by forced laughter. After a few more quick and awkward questions the interview was over. I was politely, and thankfully, asked not to sit on any more interviews. We ended up offering her the position but for some reason she turned it down.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I had another video game night this past weekend. Before I got started though, I had to update my account. I considered changing my icon, but ultimately decided not to. However, this did get me thinking about icons in general and how we, the internet generations, choose screen names and icons that represent us. My screen name is Pigmann, my icon is a cartoonish image of a screaming man whose eyeballs are bulging out of his head. What does that say about me? There is a serious cultural study to be done here. Here are a few names of other gamers I played with:

Retireguy06
KERMIT101
Buttercup X
BEEF BOI
HOTDOG SMUGGLER
thepoopofdeath

Of course there are also a slough of names like CapBuster, BlutTwister420, Death4U and other names that “hardcore” 15 year-olds find intimidating. I look for games with the funnier names because I think they tend to be less serious players who are more fun to play with.

Overheard: After being ripped to shreds with a chainsaw by thepoopofdeath somebody remarked, “Man, he really is the poop of death.”

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Due to a slew of spam comments, I’ve temporarily shut down the comments. I’ll have them back up as soon as I install some good anti-spam plugins.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I love the internet. If it was legal I would move to Vermont and marry the internet. Then we would settle down in a quaint two story brick house and start a family of freakish, interconnected, electronic children with monitors for heads, Cat5 cables for veins and fake silicon skin. Freaky fetishes aside, at this moment I love the internet because it allows me access to Michigan radio stations. The Impact was my favorite station in the East Lansing area, and via the magic of computers, I can listen to it here at work. On Wednesday nights, when I think to do it, the internet provides me with access to SWaG! Radio. It’s a taste of home when I’m stuck down here in Arkansas.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Still being sick and not having the energy to make dinner, I stopped by the stinky Kroger for an easy meal on my way home from work yesterday. Fizzy drinks feel good on a sore throat so I grabbed a bottle of Canada Dry Ginger Ale. Then in another part of the store, while I was searching for ready-made tortellini, I stumbled upon a specialty pop section. Low and behold they had my Vernors! Oh sweet gingery burning relief that is cold Vernors on my throat, I love you more than I love a good cheeseburger. And I’m a man who really loves his cheeseburgers.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After spending the past week and a half in Memphis, it was damn hard to come back to work this morning—even harder because I woke up with a sore throat and that hard to describe icky, achy, floaty feeling that accompanies a cold. Had I not been out all last week, I probably would have called in sick today. For sure, I would have gone home at lunch. Instead I rented a few movies while at lunch and plan to spend the evening on the couch. It’s times like this I really miss Michigan. I would give up my first born for two liter of Vernor's.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you’re having a wonderful holiday.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This tale really starts Friday night during my Xbox live marathon. After staying up late doing that I woke up earlyish and drove to Kathryn’s place in Memphis. I arrived a little tired and ready for a nap but we had to do some Christmas shopping for me first. Hey, it’s shopping for me so I can’t complain. On our way to the mall we stopped at a New Orleans themed restaurant for lunch. Let me break to say that usually, when we’re in Memphis she pays for everything and when we’re in Batesville I pay for everything, which is probably not exactly fair as there are only a handful of restaurants to eat at in Batesville and most of them are in the cheap-as-hell section of Zagats. So anyway, Kathryn plops down her credit card at the end of the meal and pays for lunch, then we cruise over to the mall to buy a pair of pants.

After eating I’m even more tired and the mall is absolutely packed. Shoulder to shoulder is no exaggeration. We pick out some pants and I try them on… to small. I have to try the size up. These fit fine except they need to be hemmed. Then I have to wait for the lady to find her pins. She stands me up on the little box by the mirrors under what has to be the hottest lamp I have ever encountered. As I stand there waiting for the lady to pin my pants, I am literally wiping sweat off my brow. I’m getting seriously tired at this point and anyone who knows me very well knows that I get cranky when I’m tired. Somehow I manage to stay cool through another pinning session on my second pair of pants and we head to the cashier. All we had to do was pay and I could get my nap. But at this point Kathryn realizes she left her credit card at the restaurant. We fight through the mall back outside, fight through holiday shopping traffic and get back to the restaurant to find that the manager has the credit card. Good deal, except the manager is out running errands. I’m tired, I’m seriously cranky and I just want my damn nap. The people at the restaurant are apologetic and nice. They even appease us with free beer. I order a Corona and it comes in an ice-cold, frosty mug. It’s the most delicious beer I’ve ever tasted. Suddenly, I’m not so cranky. The manager comes back after a few minutes and hands Kathryn her credit card. I down the rest of my beer, then I down the rest of Kathryn’s beer. We go back to her place and then, basking in the warm feeling that comes with receiving free beer, I finally get my nap.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I finally figured out how to share my laptop’s internet connection with my Xbox 360. The result was eight straight hours of online Gears of War last Friday. As with any other online account, I had to create a user name. In a throwback to 1997, I went with my original online moniker, Pigmann. Several people commented on it, and during game play I was often referred to as piggy or just plain pig. Probably the best username I came across was Muffin Man. Turns out, Muffin Man was quite good. Before one match my teammates were talking about strategy and how we needed to stop Muffin Man. Then, as we headed into battle, somebody said, “I’m gonna get a big glass of milk and take out the Muffin Man.” It’s a far cry from the trash talking I was expecting to hear, and we all had a good chuckle before being blown to bits or ripped to shreds with the chainsaw bayonet by the nefarious Muffin Man.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What kind of a world do we live in when the front page of CNN.com features the news that George Clooney's pet pig has died?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I woke up this morning to cold weather, but no snow. Major disappointment, but not as disappointing as when I tried to start my jeep and found it wouldn’t even turn over. It didn’t even make that clicking sound. The same thing happened last year on a particularly cold morning, and after having it towed, the damn thing started just find for the mechanic. I still had to pay 75 bucks though. Not wanting to pay for the mechanic to do nothing, I fixed the problem myself.

Johnny’s directions on how to fix a jeep that won’t start.
Step 1: Stand on the front bumper
Step 2: Jump and down a bunch of times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Normally, I don’t believe in even recognizing Christmas exists until after Thanksgiving. But this year I had an idea so incredibly awesome for a gift that I’ve already started buying the pieces of it. Yes, that’s right… multiple pieces. I wonder who this super-awesome, super-secret gift is for. Stay tuned to find out… in like four or five weeks.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Last night I beat the newly released Gears of War video game. I had only rented it Sunday evening. I’m not bragging. Okay, maybe a little, but mostly I’m complaining. It was way to short. However, it was amazing and it has the often neglected two player cooperation feature. Which I’m sure would be awesome since so much of the game is ducking for cover and laying down suppressing fire so teammates can flank the enemy. Oh man, I wish I had friends down here to play Xbox with. It reminds me of the hours Bourke and I spent at the apartment playing Halo. Or the afternoon we raced a full length NASCAR race, running to the Pepsi machine in the hallway or to the bathroom during our pit stops. Or Casey and I cramming in as many NBA Jams games into a lunch hour as possible. Or the long standing reign of the gladiator chariot raceing team Johnamus-Edimus-Maximus. Or shooting Zombies with my dad. Good times. Somebody come down here and play Gears of War with me.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

There is too much to this for a single blog, so it gets its own page.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Post election day is a happy day. Is it because the party I most often side with did so incredibly well? No not really, though that is nice. Is it because Rumsfeld has “resigned”? Nope, though that is nice too. I know, it must be because with the government now split in a more bi-partisan way, the broken system of checks and balances will likely be restored. Nope, not that either. It’s because I no longer have to listen to those awful political advertisements. I don’t watch much television anymore, but I see enough to know how disgusting politicians have become when it comes to campaigning. I didn’t ever particularly care about the race for governor of Arkansas, as this doesn’t feel like home to me, but rather just a pit stop in my life. However, I’m glad to see that Beebe is winning solely on account of his challenger’s mud slinging campaign. I hate politicians and I hate politics.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Severed finger cookies, sugar skulls, giant monkey and Dr. Jane Goodall can all be seen in my Halloween pictures. Also, if you haven't noticed, there's a new caption contest over here.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Kathryn and I took off for the Ozarks this weekend with a bowie knife, a two liter of mountain dew, a bag of raw potatoes and a sheet of dirty canvas. We got to the campground, and finding it full, we scaled a cliff, and hiked into bear country, where I built a fire by rubbing together two small trees that I uprooted with my bare hands, hacking limbs from it with the bowie knife. It was at this point that the inevitable happened: the sheer strength exhibited by my display of manliness caused my shirt to burst apart into tiny shreds. Sweat poured down my hairy chest and I howled savagely like a wild beast, scaring away the twelve advancing grizzly bears. After I had a roaring blaze, I waited patiently. Sure enough, off in the distance I spied a wolf, which I pounced on from a crouched position and clamped my jaws around its neck, ripping out its jugular.

The next day, we encountered a rabid Ozarkian named Clem. He was guarding a pile of firewood with a bloody battle ax. I offered to trade a wolf skin for some. He promptly and fiercely sprang on me. I knocked the axe out of his hands, but he caught me with a wicked roundhouse to the face. I jumped on his back and dragged him to the ground... after which it's all kind of a blur. The next thing I clearly remember, I was standing over a ravine with a handful of teeth and a mouthful of hair. I weaved the hair into a new shirt, and ground the teeth to dust in my hand, then used the dust to bake a three tier cake over the fire.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

In an effort to spice the page up a bit, let me describe my weekend. After work on Friday, Kathryn and I loaded up the car and headed into the Ozarks for a camping trip. But when we got to our destination a little after 7:00 pm, the campground was full. So we drove twenty minutes to the nearest town and got a hotel room. A tiny, over-priced, smoking room with stained towels, cool air coming out of the heater and ill-fitting sheets that kept slipping off the bed. It still turned out to be a fun evening, as we wondered around town sipping hot chocolate and listening to several impromptu folk music groups playing. Is this getting to ho-hum already?

Saturday we did get a spot at the campsite next to what appeared to be a young Jewish boy, but later turned out to be an old woman of undeterminable religion. We purchased a bundle of firewood from a nice country gentlemen with the thickest Ozarkian accent I’ve ever encountered. Later in the day, I tried to jump a several-foot gap that had been cut into a hill for a stairway. I cleared the gap but landed wrong and fell down hard, pulling a grown muscle and bruising a shoulder. I could go on about the weekend, but the rest is basically more of the domestic bliss that has already been panned.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’m a big fan of wikipedia. When I don’t have anything to do, sometimes I just navigate over to wiki and punch the Random Article button a few times. It’s amazing what can come up. Equally amazing is the search feature when you try and look up Gizzard City. The top results were:

• Marine life of New York Harbor
• Cuisine of the Midwestern United States
• Crane (bird)
• Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath
• Howard Cosell
• French cuisine

I’m not sure which is stranger, the video game or Howard Cosell… or how they both ranked above French Cuisine.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Answer:

The Bible Belt
Baptist vs Methodist Theology
The Dead Rising Plot

Question:

Topics that are nearly impossible to discuss through a language barrier. Last week was full of 12 and 13 hour days, spent with a large group of Germans that had come here to discuss and create new material. Aside from the all day meetings, I also ate breakfast, lunch and dinner with the group, which created plenty of time for non-work related chit chat. Interestingly, one topic that was easy to discuss was the importance of alcohol while watching NASCAR, Golf or Baseball.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I’m so excited that I’m sleeping with my camera because Friday marks the beginning of the next scavenger hunt. So if you haven’t done it yet, head over to the Dark Side of JohnnyRockstar.Net and add your team to the list. The three person cap seems to have been lifted, so go nuts. Here’s the team rundown thus far:

Adventure Team Nayked:
Bryan and Sarah Zera
Will and Carrie Mobritton
Amanda Widmer
Colleen Elkin

Team Discovery Channel:
5K
5K's woman
yanR McGillisy
Dajut

Team Gila Monsters:
Amelia
Casey

Team Venture:

Johnny Rockstar
Kathryn
Emily
Kelly

Team The Cup:
The Cup
Tasty Beverage
Sippy Cup

Team Pissing Bridge
Cal
Preston
Jake
(Fun Police?)

Team Dead-Last
Garrett
Scotty
Three-headed Monstar (either kevin or steve or dan... who knows)

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

A new photo-scavenger hunt is in the works. Head over to my cyberspace second half's to see what's what.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

My intraweb life partner, 5K, is making a list for the next photo-scavenger hunt. I know you’re as excited about this as I am, so lets give him some ideas.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

It was a fast and furious trip, but I’m back home and back to work. It’s hard to believe that just yesterday I woke up in Michigan and today I’m back in Arkansas. I’m glad I got to see everyone that I did, even if it was for such a short time. Hopefully, it won’t be another nine months before I come home again.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today, after work, I head to Memphis. Then tomorrow afternoon, Kathryn and I will start driving to Michigan. I still can’t decide if we should do a bonfire or bar Saturday night. But I’ll let you all know soon. Can’t wait to see all my friends and family, and the dogs, and the goats, and Joe’s, and everything else I miss.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I dragged Kathryn to the Batesville movie theater to see Snakes on a Plane this weekend. I thought it was awesome, she thought it wasn’t horrible. The one thing agreed on—the movie theater stunk. I said it smelled like cat piss, she thought it was mildew. I’m sure she’s right, after all, who would bring a cat to see Snakes on a Plan? Probably the same type of people who sat right in front of us with their six-year-old-ish and fourteen-year-old-ish daughters. What the hell? It’s Snakes on a Plane. The movie that had five extra days of shooting just to bump the rating up to R. Additional footage that included Samuel L. Jackson’s best line, “I’ve had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane,” and a Mile High scene ending with… well I don’t want to ruin it. Let’s just say I got a stern look from my date when I laughed.

Aside from the stench, the old-school, non-stadium style seating and the annoying bad parents who sat their big heads down right in front of us, the entire Snakes on a Plane experience was awesome. It was campy and predictable, but it knew that it was campy and predictable, which makes a big difference.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Who – Myself and Kathryn
What – Vacation
Where – Potterville, MI
When – Labor Day Weekend
Why – Because I Can

It’s official—I’m going to be coming home over Labor Day weekend. It’s going to be a bit of a whirlwind trip, but Saturday night is going to be the big night out with friends, so dust off your drinking boots. I haven’t decided on a bar yet. Can somebody tell me, will MSU back in session yet? If you’re on Facebook, I probably sent you an invitation… if you’re not, shoot me an email. It’s going to be a fast and furious gizzard eating, friend seeing, relative visiting, beer drinking, dog petting, goat feeding, fresh chicken egg eating, deck sitting, sleep depraved good time. Hope to see you all there.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Here I am. Here I am at work. Here I am at working listening to techno. Techno. Techno. Techno. Beep, click, beep, beep, click. Techno. Techno. Techno. Beep, click, beep, beep, click. Slap. Techno. Slap. Techno. Slap. Techno. Beep, click. Slap. Beep, beep. Slap. Click. Slap. Slap. Slapslapslapslapslap. Techno, techno. Woo, woo. Techno, techno. Woo, woo. Techno, techno. Woo, woo. Techno, techno. Woo, woo.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Congratulations to The Cup on his recent promotion. Perhaps he could tell us what exactly it was here, as I really don’t know. However, I do know it was something he’d been gunning for, for a little while… So, Congratulations Cup!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Does the name Joe Esposito mean anything to you? It didn’t to me either until last night when I got my hands on a copy of a certain Karate Kid song by the name of You’re The Best Around. After listening to it, oh, several dozen times, I came up with a guaranteed pick-me-up for when you’re feeling down and out. Grab a walkman, cd player, mp3 player or any other portable media device and slap in You’re The Best Around. Then just walk around and pretend Mr. Esposito is singing directly to you. I’m telling you it’s better than any song from Rocky(yes I said it), because I AM the best around and nothing is going to ever keep ME down. It even comes close to my own personal theme song, the Wackachicka. If I could somehow combine the two… look out ego, I AM THE BEST AROUND!

Fifty million points and a weeklong tribute to your undying and never-wavering awesomeness if you can give me a *good* mix-up of the two.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I don’t usually read any of the spam I receive, but this one caught my attention somehow. It’s written as though it’s just a little follow-up note to a previous conversation.

Hi!

Last time we talked about the difference between Canadian and US medications. You told me that US meds are much better than other. I've decided to try out Canadian pharmacy. You know that i have some problems with anxiety so i used Valium and Xanax that I've bought at MyCanadianPharmacy drug store:use this link.
They have lower prices but their medications have such quality as US meds do. They also provide secure purchase. I'm completely satisfied and i think you'll be satisfied, too.

Bridgett

Last time we talked? I’m fairly certain I’ve never had any conversations about the difference between US and Canadian medicines, and I don’t know any Bridgetts—anxiety ridden or otherwise. I wonder if Bridgett is sitting anxiously by her computer, compulsively checking her email to see if I’ve written back yet. I wonder if Bridgett is actually a fifty-year-old, bald man with festering sores on his lips… or just a tech savvy thirteen-year-old kid.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Bored? Have access to the internet? Try this little game. Find some text, I used the post about Johnukah, then find a free translator. Have your text translated into German. Now take the German text and have it translated back into English. Read the hilarity that is bound to ensue. Wash, rinse and repeat until you’re sick of poorly constructed sentences and strange words.

“This Friday on the 21 July, marks the largest holiday in the story of the world - Johnukah. Traditionally Johnukah with the birth story of Johnny begins when through mother Jamros told has. Then there is the Mongolen BBQ festival meal that is followed by the giving of the gifts and the meal of the cake (white leaf cake). At a point during the day, solemn video-game usually are played. Then evenings the festivities begin really. Solemn cigars are smoked while many reveler eggs are drunk, after, that wildly urkomische calls are placed. Traditional Johnukah songs close John steps donkey, Johnny B. goods, Johnny tar also if Johnny Marschierenen home comes again, became evil Johnny and baby back. Traditional Johnukah games close video-game, drink the games and hides, also and seek.”

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Allow me to get sappy for a moment. Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy Johnukah. I wasn’t expecting to hear from quite as many people as I did and it really made my day. It’s nice to know that even though I don’t see my friends and family very often anymore, they still care about me.
/sappy

For no other reason than to clear away any sappy residue and/or take up some space, here’s a list of upcoming must-see movies.

Snakes on a Plane (Yes, I am dragging you to see this)
Pathfinder
Talladega Nights
Jackass Number Two
Beerfest
The Protector

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This Friday, July 21st, marks the greatest holiday in the history of the world - Johnukah. Traditionally Johnukah begins with the birth story of Johnny, as told by Mother Jamros. Then there is the Mongolian BBQ feast, followed by the giving of the gifts and the eating of the cake (white sheet cake). At some point during the day ceremonial video games are usually played. Then in the evening the festivities really begin. Ceremonial cigars are smoked while many libations are imbibed, after which wildly hilarious phone calls are placed. Traditional Johnukah songs include John Kicks Ass, Johnny B. Good, Johnny Tar, When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again, Angry Johnny and Baby Got Back. Traditional Johnukah games include video games, drinking games and hide and seek.

Quick Facts:
Johnukah dates all the way back to 1980 AD

Johnukah was first celebrated in Michigan

Historians believe at least one Johnukah was celebrated with an armadillo shaped cake

The day after Johnukah usually features a breakfast of Pepsi and leftover cake

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

A couple weekends ago I had a jar of peanuts and a bottle of rootbeer for dinner. What's the least traditional dinner you've eaten lately?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

While searching for a particular publication for work today I stumbled across a journal published by the CDC entitled the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. After some quick poking around in the QuickStats section I discovered that accidental death by poisoning is up 52.3 percent while accidental death by fire/burn is down 7.7 percent. So my chances of accidentally burning myself to death is quite a bit lower than my chances of accidentally poisoning myself. Good to know. Something else I discovered—writing for the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report has got to be the most depressing jobs ever!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

For anyone who didn’t know, I spent the last week in Alabama helping my grandparents pack for their big move back to Michigan. Many boxes were lifted and many drinks were drunk. It ended up being a nice balance between back-breaking hard work and side splitting good times. Wednesday night Sarah, Bryan and I found a small oyster bar and Bryan and I ate 24 oysters each. Pictures to follow at some point. I also learned how to skim board and have bruises and scratches all over my legs to prove it. Including one oozing spot the size of a half dollar on my right knee. Good times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I have so far discovered just three problems with driving a jeep.

1 – I’ve seen manatees strapped to riding lawnmowers that get better gas mileage than my jeep does.

2 – As some of you have already noticed, talking on the phone in my jeep is nearly impossible once I’ve gotten above the 10 mph mark because it gets so windy and loud.

3 – As I recently discovered, driving with the top down, although incredibly fun, allows everyone within earshot to enjoy what I am listening to, which makes bumping to “Angel of the Morning” or “Crocodile Rock” a somewhat interesting experience.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I’m so talented. How talented are you? So talented that I managed to catch a cold during the first official weekend of the summer. I went camping this weekend and came back with a cold that kept me out of the office half of yesterday. It seems like every year, for the past several years, I’ve gotten sick as soon as the weather turned really nice. I guess that’s just another one of my super powers.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

While stuffing cloths in a backpack today I came across my old thumbring. I used to wear it all the time, but lost it one day. Because of where I found it, I can only assume that I had taken it off for Tai Chi or Yoga and forgot to put it back on… that was over a year ago. It’s strange because just a few days ago I mentioned to someone that I used to wear a thumbring. I think I’m going to again. I hope nobody is watching me because I just removed the ring and smelled it; it may need a little soap and water action.

P.S.
Captain, I can’t respond to your messages because I lost your email address. Either shoot me an email or just fill in that part next time.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I went camping last night… in my living room. In preparation for a camping trip this weekend, I set up a tent and pulled out a sleeping bag, all in my living room. Combined with the kayak sitting on the foosball table, it was a nice little campsite. Plus I could sit in my tent and watch television or play video games, and I was close enough to an outlet that my computer didn’t have to run on batteries. Something I learned: Even a small tent looks huge in a living room. So I took it down today during my lunch. Not exactly roughing it I know, but it was fun, so fun I can’t wait to do the real thing. I really can't wait for the food. Campfire cooking is the best and anyone who disagrees is a communist. That’s right, I said it. Unfortunately, my cast iron cookware is limited to just one big pan, but you can make a lot in one big pan. Beercakes and bacon just may be in my future.

In other news, at the constant hounding of Barefoot Warrior, I updated the leaderboard. The bios are a bit janky because some of the numbers show through, but I’m too lazy to fix it right now. If you haven’t submitted a caption on the dark side of the page, do so now for another chance to roll.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Thing the First:
Does anyone happen to have a copy of the Johnny Rockstar theme song? I lost mine in the great Windows/Linux debacle of ’06, and I’d sure like to have a copy for nostalgias sake.

Thing the Second or Why My Boss Rocks The Hizzy:
The following conversation actually took place over several emails, but I’m going to paraphrase for the sake of clarity.

Me: Can I take a short lunch and then leave at 4:30 on Friday? I’m going to Memphis.
My Boss: I’m not going to be here, so just leave at noon… or do you want the whole day off?
Me: Just the half day would be fine thanks.
My Boss: Okay, have fun.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Great new pictures of our favorite Sippy Cup at the end of this album.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I got my culture fix in Memphis this weekend. I went to an art gallery showing "Things I found at Thrift Stores", a frame shop with a few pieces of real interesting art, a lamp store with hundreds of strange lamps and a rug store that sold intricate imported Asian rugs. Plus I ate delicious hummus at a Mediterranean restaurant for lunch and Spicy Shrimp Sushi for dinner. One of these times I might actually check out the nightlife on Beale street.

I also found the perfect wooden box for my latest project. Apparently the town of Batesville has an embargo on little wooden boxes because I searched high and low and couldn’t find anything. But with my Memphis box, I spent Sunday afternoon and evening making a Mad-Scientist Lamp.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

I just finshed writing a rather boring blog about the pasties I made last night. The food, not the nipple garment you pervert. Despite the hot meat pie goodness that is a pasty, my posting fell pretty flat. So instead, I’ll pass on a compliment that I received Tuesday evening that went something like, “You’re better than sea-monkeys.” I don’t know about you, but I could never get my sea-monkeys to grow. It was like pouring a packet of dust into a container of water and watching it stagnate for days on end. In fact, out of everyone I know who ever tried to grow sea-monkeys as a kid, only one was successful. Even so, there’s just something undeniably cool about sea-monkeys. Maybe it has something to do with the happy sea-monkey family pictured on every box. Of course actual sea-monkeys look absolutely nothing like the picture on the box; they’re far creepier. For whatever reason, sea-monkeys continue to captivate kids who like to stare at wet dust, and I’m apparently better than that.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Styrofoam coffee cups are great for bailing out the stagnant pools of water that form in a jeep after it's been left in the rain without all the sides on.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I feel like posting something but I just don't know what to say. So here are a few things that have been running through my mind today.

This past weekend was wicked awesome to the max.

This is simultaneously one of the funniest and saddest little cartoon drawings I’ve ever seen.

Saturday evening I fed some racist ducks.

Tonight I have big plans to make a massive roast beef sandwich on a sourdough baguette.

Sometime this week I plan on going to the cemetery to experiment with black and white photography.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Songs I've heard today:

Furry Old Lobster - Jonathan Coulton
99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger
Viva Las Vegas - Elvis
Guitars, Cadillacs - Dwight Yoakam
Skullcrusher Mountain - Jonathan Coulton
Scarlet Begonias - Grateful Dead
Vineyard - Jack O Pierce
Far Away Boys - Flogging Molly
Frontier Psychiatrist - The Avalanches

What have you been listening to?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Last night I received a phone call about an hour after I had gone to bed. Though I was happy to get the call and ended up having an important and meaningful conversation, it took me a long time to figure out just what the hell was going on. This is the thought process that occurred after I realized I was no longer asleep… more or less.

What was that noise?
Where am I?
Why is it so dark?
What’s going on?
There’s that noise again
Did I go to bed?
Should I be getting ready for work?
No, it’s too dark
That noise is my phone
What time is it?
Where is my phone?
My phone is on the nightstand
Where is the nightstand?
Okay, found the nightstand and my phone
Oh no, it’s plugged in
How do I unplug it?
Got it
Who would be calling me?
Quick, wake up and act like I wasn’t sleeping

I was kind of out of it, so I probably sounded like an idiot for most of the conversation. But that's alright, it wasn't the first time I've sounded that way and it certainly won't be the last.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Actual quote I just heard coming from downstairs, “Who pulled the pin out of my grenade? Now it won’t go back in.”

Well, it was nice knowing all of you.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of space-wasting garbage on your hard drive. That’s why I developed this system that will clean everything off your computer that you no longer want. From old programs you forgot you had to spyware to out dated documents of any type. Getting rid of all that and more is as easy as following these three simple steps.

1. Back-up only one small folder of information you absolutely, positively can not lose.
2. Install a new OS, but screw it up so you end up formatting the entire hard drive.
3. Profit.

Don’t take my word for it, read this stunning customer testimonial:

“I lost everything”
~ Johnny

But wait, there’s more. Act now and I’ll also show you how to lose your original Windows XP installation disk. And for a limited time only, I’ll even include directions on how to end up with two identical copies of Linux on your computer.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

While researching replacement software from the company that made my laptop I noticed this picture.

I can only assume their conversation is going something like this:

White Shirt, “Hey bro, what’s up?”
Black Shirt, “Dude I totally downloaded a driver.”
White Shirt, “That’s so awesome, high five!”

I think Averatec is trying to show drivers and manuals are no longer just for nerds and computer geeks, popular late-twenty-something dudes can use them too.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

You know what’s great about my meds? And by great, I of course mean really annoying. Their half life is so incredibly short that if I forget to take them twice in a row, I start going through withdrawal. Miss a few days, like if I ran out and had to call out of state to get my prescription refilled, well then it’s a whole lot of fun. Imagine if you will, that light headed sensation that hits when you stand up suddenly after lying down for a long time. Now imagine that same sensation coming on every 30-45 seconds. Good times. Oh yeah, and then when I get the script refilled I have go through getting the meds back into my system which means lots of extremely tense muscles, yawning, fidgeting and my personal favorite, lock-jaw. I was only at work for an hour or so yesterday when I decided I should be spending the day on the couch where I can yawn then struggle to relax the muscles in my jaw enough to close my mouth, while fidgeting and stretching constantly in the comfort of my own home. Yep, good times indeed. I’m feeling much better today. In fact, I think I’m going to go geocaching after work today.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I’m horribly uncomfortable at the moment. Not in the awkward social situation sense, or the strange burning sensation sense, but in the I’m sitting under a vent at work that’s blowing cold air on my thoroughly rain soaked clothing sense. My wipers were battling a rainstorm while I was driving to work this morning when the man on the radio informed me of a thirty percent chance of rain. Clearly, he had underestimated those chances. If thirty percent chances mean torrential downpour, I’d hate to see what shows up when rain is definitely in the forecast.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I mailed out my taxes last night, which is a new record for me. I only did my 2004 taxes a few months ago. Also a new record for me was the amount of forms I had to fill out this year; I filed for Federal, Michigan and Arkansas. While filing out my Arkansas form I noticed something peculiar. Look at this picture.

Is it me, or do the faces seem a little out of place on something as serious as tax documents? I'd like to see the committee who approved that decision. Does Arkansas really think a frowny face will ease the pain of owing the state hundreds of dollars? If I realized I owed gobs of money, I would think my tax forms were mocking me when I saw the little frowny face. But I don’t owe money. In fact, I’m getting a fair amount back. So damn the frowny face, I’m celebrating with the smiley face.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Every time I get my hair cut I’m amazed at the amount of grey hair I see falling on the barbershop bib thing covering my lap. Not because there’s a particularly large amount of grey hair, but because any amount of grey is alarming when you’re only 25. Grey hair is something old people have to deal with, and I’m not old. Am I? I don’t feel old, I have all my teeth, nothing on me seems to be sagging and I have yet to start yelling at the damn kids to get off my lawn. So what’s up with my damn hair trying to turn grey?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I was talking to a teacher friend today about standardized tests and recounted how I used to really like taking them. I’ve never been one to obsess over tests of any kind, but mostly I was just happy because it meant I didn’t have to actually learn anything at school for a few days. I also really enjoyed filling in the little circles or bubbles if you prefer. There was great satisfaction to be had from perfectly filling one in, nothing outside the lines and a perfect monotone shade of pencil grey throughout the whole thing. I even experimented with different ways of filling them in: horizontal strokes, vertical strokes, circular motions and combinations thereof. Getting it gave me the same satisfaction I get from, and I know I’ve mentioned this before, having all the shirts in my closet lined up and facing the same direction. Most of my friends and family know that I’m by no means an obsessively neat or organized person, but there are certain areas of my life that have to be perfect: test circles, my closet, my computer desktop to name a few.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I really enjoy shining shoes. I find the whole process to be extremely cathartic, though I’m not entirely sure why. It’s just a relaxing experience that when I finish, I can see the results immediately. I also think it’s a bit of a dying art, but that’s a slightly different topic. Of the many things that I want to experience before I die, two that rank extremely high are stopping at a shoe shine stand in an airport and getting a hot towel shave from a barber. Women have manicures, pedicures, facials and on and on. Men have hot towel shaves and shoe shines. When I get married, I plan on having both the morning of the wedding. I suppose the first step toward accomplishing that is to get a steady girlfriend. Until then, I’ll shave myself and shine my own shoes.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Every so often I have to remind myself why I don’t drink much anymore. For the first time, in I can’t remember how long, this past Saturday served as that reminder. I wouldn’t say that I spent the day hung over - no upset stomach or headache - but I was so worn-down feeling that I slept just about all day. The worst part is that I can always feel the raised acidity levels in my blood after a night of drinking. Yesterday was no exception. Feeling like your body is trying to very slowly eat itself away from the inside out is not exactly an experience to relish. That said, I must admit that I had a great time getting that way. Friday night was a trip down to Little Rock with some coworkers that resulted in much drinking and merry festivities. Apparently so I wouldn’t forget anything, I started taking notes on my arm, and at some point transcribed them onto a napkin. This is right off my napkin.

Can’t Hear
Palms Raw
Teacher on Stage (That was me pretending to be a teacher, going on stage and singing Proud to be an American)
Sublime Trumpet
4 Non Blonds
Throat Hurts
Not Yours Dude
Cowboys
Bar Fight
Uptown Girl
It’s My Pelican
Boobies on Head (Turns out they were from a drunk off duty cop)
Moms Getting Freaky and Frat Boy Waching

All in all, a great night. And definately plenty of a reminder to keep me sober for a long time.

Continue reading "Notes on a Napkin" »

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I miss my beard. Almost as much as I miss my piercings, I miss my beard. Granted, it was never a very good beard. It was definitely the patchy, uneven and scraggly beard of a college student. But it meant I didn’t have to shave, which means far more to me than looking good. I loathe shaving; I hate shaving with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. I hate it so much that I only shave every other day and never on the weekends. And on the days I shave, I actually only use an electric beard trimmer with the guard removed. As a result, because I still don’t grow it in very thick, I walk around most of the time sporting a not quite five o’clock shadow. I like to say that it transforms my boyish good looks into rugged good looks. But really, I just hate shaving.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

I'm about 90 percent finished with the changes. By now I'm sure you've noticed the new rotating header. I'm calling for submissions; if you'd like to contribute, send pictures to johnnyismyhero@johnnyrockstar.net. Make them 658 px wide, 244 px tall and under 100kb (yes I changed it, I forgot to adjust for the border). If you don't feel like cropping and adding text but really want your picture up anyway, just send it as is and I'll take care of it.

Old:
I'm currently making major changes to the site. If you're reading this right now, you may not see it two minutes from now. Strange things are bound to happen here. Don't panic.

Older:
I didn't want to put up just half the site, but this is getting really frustrating, so I did. Enjoy the new index page, things should slowly begin to conform. For now, I need a break.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Is there any better feeling than getting a piece of popcorn kernel skin out from between your teeth after its been there for hours? I don’t think so. Is there any worse feeling than getting a piece of popcorn kernel skin out from between your teeth and then realizing it’s been days since you’ve had popcorn? I don’t think so.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

What did I do last night? Not a whole hell of a lot. I came home, sautéed the hell out of some fresh vegetables and ate dinner. I was planning on taking a walk after that, but the couch just fell so good that instead, I played several hours of Super Nintendo. After that I was going to do some sit-ups, but the couch still felt so good that I watched a little tv instead.

At some point I was going to finish the paper maché alien that I’ve been working on for so long; at some point I was going to make dough for the roasted garlic, eggplant and pepperoni pizza I have been meaning to make all week.

But the couch just felt so damn good and I didn’t have the energy to do any of those things. Until about ten o’clock that is. Right about the time I planned on going to bed, I woke up. So did about 200 sit-ups, and I checked my email. Then I went to bed and laid in the darkness, wide awake but trying to sleep for I don’t know how long.

Tonight though, tonight I’m going to take a walk, finish the alien, make some dough and do my sit-ups. Unless the couch feels too good…

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Your mother cooks janky collard greens.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I haven’t had much to say lately, as there hasn’t been much going on, but I will say this: The best part of being a cook is that I can eat well just about any time I want. For example, as part of a project I’ve taken on at work, I have to spend hours scouring restaurant web pages and looking over their entire menus. That’s a lot of good food to look at which has really made me want to go out and get something very not healthy to eat. To quell that urge I went to the store after work today and bought a few key ingredients. Then for dinner I sautéed onions, red and green bell peppers, zucchini and low-fat jalapeño-Montereyjack sausage in olive oil and garlic. I couldn’t find a good baget, so I settled for some sort of French bread that I cut up and dipped in olive oil mixed with my secret blend of herbs and spices. Holy hell, was that ever a good dinner. Next up, fried eggplant and whole roasted garlic cloves.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Someone please buy me this shirt. Size = Large.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Last night I watched Willow for the first time in years. It had been in my Netflix queue for some time and I must admit, I was a little worried that it wouldn’t be as awesome as I remembered it. I’m happy to report that it is just as good now as it was eighteen years ago. I often find myself disappointed when I watch a movie that I loved as a child. Taste may change and sense of humor may change, but I guess you’re just never to old to enjoy the subtle humor of midgets getting crapped on by birds or the glorious spectacle of a catfight between two gray-haired old women. Seriously though, now that I’m older I was able to pick up on the important theme of no matter what you look like on the outside, it’s what your like on the inside that matters. But what struck me the most was how sweet I would look if I grew long hair and a big red beard with braids on either side of my chin. In every middle earth type movie there is always that one warrior with the big braided beard. Sometimes there’s even beads in it. I want a great big braided beard with beads.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 07:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I’ve been eating a lot of hummus lately. I few weeks back I discovered Walmart sells little plastic tubs full of that oh so delicious chick pea concoction and ever since, I’ve been eating two to three tubs of the stuff a week. Remember that fact because it will come into play later on.

Every so often I decide I need to get my ass off the couch and try to get in a little better shape. With that in mind, I took a walk around the neighborhood this morning. It was a cool outside, but with my leather jacket on I still managed to get warm and sweaty. Afterward, I was sitting on my couch watching television and I caught the smell of hummus. I didn’t see any old tubs of the stuff lying around so I gave myself the ol’ armpit sniff test. Sure enough, my sweat glands were excreting something disturbingly familiar to the exotic smell that is tahini and chick peas. I wonder if this will happen with anything I eat a lot of. Maybe I’ll try a diet of nothing but pork rinds for a few weeks and see how I smell then. Swinerific I bet.

P.S.
I would kill for some good Shwarma King hummus right now.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Last night I had a dream that I married a woman I didn’t love. It was one of those dreams where you drift in and out of consciousness as it goes on, so periodically I would wake up just enough to realize how crappy of a dream I was having before drifting back to sleep. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare, but it was definitely unsettling to watch myself pretending to be a happy newlywed while my wife pretended not to notice how miserable I was. The whole thing was frighteningly reminiscent of the last few months I spent with Alisa, which could account for just how disturbing the dream was to me. To be sure, I’ve been on both ends of this scenario before. I think that’s just part of the break up process in a relationship where neither partner wants to hurt the other; as one person falls out of love, the other doesn’t want to see it happening, and for a time neither is willing to act, so they both pretend. When I got on the Internet this morning I was compelled to seek out and watch this Leonard Cohen video. It’s not quite the same situation, but close enough to spark similar feelings.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Him: I don’t have to work tomorrow so I’ll probably call you then.
Me: I have to work to tomorrow.
Him: Oh yeah. Well, I’ll probably call you in the middle of the day and bug you then. It’ll be great.
Me: Okay.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Lately I’ve been reading a thesaurus. Yes, I know how that makes me sound, but the Oxford Writer’s Thesaurus contains hundreds of facinating short essays by various writers. Remember a few years back when a teacher came under-fire from ignorant do-gooders for using the word niggardly? I do. One of the essays in the aforementioned thesaurus tackles this oft-misunderstood word that has no racist basis whatsoever and points out that it actually comes from a Middle English word meaning miserly. The author then encourages other writers to use the word niggardly as often as possible, if for no other reason than to piss off ignorant do-gooders. Am I the only person who thinks it awesome that a mission statement like that made it into an Oxford publication?

As I’m in a literary mood at the moment I would also like to say that I don’t generally write poetry. I lack the patience needed to really do it right. However, I do occasionally write haikus focusing on banal topics. For some reason, I find it extremely funny, in a dry sort of way, to use the simplicity and resulting understated beauty of such an ancient art to express my feelings for random and moreover common “stuff.”

Golden delicious
You are not my favorite
I prefer Fuji

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm really not that anti-Valentine's Day, I just thought it was funny.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

7H15 P4G3 h45 b33n pwnd by teh R0(K5t4R !!1!!Eleven!!11!!!! That is to say, I just about have all the bugs worked out. Turns out the JavaScript for my rollovers was inside some strange movable type code. And the character set had gotten all screwy for some reason. Huck can tell his Prof to suck it. Viva La Apostrophes. But I fixed those things and I’m much happier about how things are working. Also I have the Health Watch back in place so we can all track how long it’s been since I’ve had fast food. A few more tweaks and I’ll consider the move successful.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I have this cassette tape. I’ve had it for years but I sort re-found last week. It’s just a few homemade recordings done by a few friends, but it contains some of the best music I’ve ever heard. Listening to it takes me back to some great times. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job down here and I don’t plan on moving anytime soon, but listening to this tape makes me really miss living in Kalamazoo. Though I have to admit most of my absolute best Kalamazoo memories come from before I actually lived there, I really miss my house with Kate and Amanda. I miss living near my Kalamazoo friends and only being an hour away from my Lansing and Potterville friends. I miss the culture in Kalamazoo, the theaters, coffee shops and eccentric people. I miss being able to find good live music just about any night of the week. I miss the dirt bars and the classy bars, live blues and the occasional burlesque show, the graveyard-come-park I had for a front yard, Geocaching and walking around Asylum Lake in the rain. When my lease runs out down here I’m considering moving out of town. I’d like to get a place halfway between work and a city where I can get my culture fix. I know I’ll be hard pressed to find a place that’s like where this tape takes me too. I just want someplace that’s a little more “me.” But in the meantime I’ve gotten things set up to transfer this old cassette to my lappy where everything will be converted into portable mp3 goodness.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You may or may not have noticed that things look a little different here now. The killer coding ninja monkeys did their thing and this is the end result… or close to it. I plan on taking some time this weekend to make things look similar to, but not exactly, like the way they used to be. Also, the first time you comment here I have to approve you. So don't panic when your rye and witty remarks don’t show up right away. Anything else? Oh yes, US Pizza sucks.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)