Mr. Grumpy
I found this little guy walking through my side yard yesterday as I was heading back to work after lunch. I call him Mr. Grumpy. Click on the image to embiggin.
Oh, and by little guy, I of course mean at least 18-20 inches head to tail.
August 27, 2008
August 25, 2008
Watch Rocky
Things have suddenly slowed way down. Tonight I’ll sleep in my own bed for the first time in 18 days. After another 4:45 am wakeup, I’m looking forward to it. I’ve spent the past two weeks away for work as I’ve already mentioned, and then my parents joined Kathryn and myself in Memphis for three days and four nights of museums, restaurants, movies, and hot, sticky Memphis summer.
We saw Andy Warhol at the Dixon Museum, Elvis’s mic at Sun studios, Isaac Hayes’s gold trimmed Cadillac at the Stax Museum of American Soul, a combination grill/pipe organ dubbed the Whistling Piglet at the National Ornamental Metal Museum, and a whole lot more. We also watched Tropic Thunder (laugh out loud hilarious) and Rocky. Every time I watch Rocky I think it’s sad that it has been dubbed a boxing movie, because really, Rocky is so much more than that. People forget that it won three academy awards, including Best Picture.
Anyway, since I’m back in Batesville and getting into my routines again, hopefully I’ll be a little more active on here.
August 21, 2008
The stuff your face diet
So here’s the breakdown, once a year my company has a bunch of people from all over the world come to Batesville for training. When this happens I get drafted into manual labor and transportation help. Pretty much that means moving boxes and equipment, shuffling bodies around in a massive van, and being a smiling face. It also means mounds of good food—three serious meals every day. For breakfast every morning I had eggs, ham, slice of cheese, fruit, bagel with strawberry cream cheese, pastry of some sort, orange juice, and coffee. I opted out of the bacon, sausage, oatmeal, grits, toast, and other odds and ends on the buffet. Lunch and dinners were equally as lavish but I still managed to lose some weight. That’s how rigorous I worked. I was able to stuff myself with all kinds of ribs and roast beef, while still losing weight. It’s fun work, but exhausting work. The first day after everything was done, I slept until noon, and to this day I’m still a little sore.
Now, my parents are in Memphis with me and we’re going to see some sights.
August 14, 2008
Super Busy
No time/energy to blog right now. Just wanted to say I'm super busy working until 8 or 9 every night right now. I'm sure I'll have something to say about when it's done, but right now I'M SO TIRED.
August 06, 2008
Didn't make it
Well, at the end of six weeks I was only able to do 75 pushups in a row. While I realize 75 is still an awful lot, it’s disappointing to not have made the ultimate goal of 100. But fear not citizens of the net, I will go back to week three and work in the hardest column back up to week six and then try again. I'm getting tired of talking about pushups all the time, so this will probably be it for awhile. I will let you know when I hit the hundred mark though, if for no other reason that to show off.
PS
How many of you have watched Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog? It stars one, Doogie Howser, M.D., and features a quasi-villain who’s super power is being moist. If you’ve got an hour to kill, I highly recommend watching. It’s funny and features Doogie Howser wearing giant mad scientist goggles. If that’s not enough to get you interested, you’re probably a pod-person.
August 04, 2008
Guess who rocks
The man who comments on my page as “Paw” is my grandfather on my dad’s side of the family. He’s 90 years old and he comments on my blog. I just want to take a moment to point out how incredibly awesome that is. There just aren’t that many 90-year-olds out there who do that. Paw rocks.
July 29, 2008
Week 6
The final week takes a huge step forward in the amount of pushups done. I could only get about halfway through the routine before I had to call it quits last night. So, I’m going to go back a week. I still plan on checking my max to see if I can do 100 at the end of this week. It’s going to be close.
July 18, 2008
I'm the best around
Casey called me Ralph Macchio today. Referencing 80's movie stars is always good times.
July 16, 2008
Library cards, sexy arms, and electronic golf
I need a library card… and for that matter, a good library to visit. Two Friday’s ago I bought a new book and had it finished by the following Monday. I now have two new to me used books coming in the mail. It’s not that I’m a particularly fast reader. It’s just that when I find something I like, I have trouble putting it down, and it’s starting to add up.
Also,
After three weeks of pushups, Kathryn noticed my arms are bigger and stronger now, which is good incentive to stick with it. I’m halfway through week four now and I’m contemplating needing to do week four twice because I feel like I’m falling behind. We’ll see how I feel after Friday’s go-round.
Also, also
Last night I golfed on the Xbox with Kelly Kelly [sic] and The Captain. We had a heck of a time getting all three of us on the same course AND having the microphones work right. But once we were going, it was a lot of fun. Gaming online is pretty much the closest thing I have to hanging out with my friends from back home, so it’s always nice to connect that way.
July 11, 2008
46 websites I can't live without
I have my homepage set to a plain looking list of all the websites I regularly visit. About every four to five months I update it—adding new links and removing ones I don’t use anymore. Today was that day. I spent some time this morning reorganizing, and here are the 46 websites I currently can’t live without.
Also, I’m stilling working on the pushups. For week three I bumped myself into the 3rd and hardest column. It’s a much, much harder workout. To complete it I have to sacrifice good form, which doesn’t seem right. I’ve got another go around with them tonight. If I still can’t do them all with good form, I’m probably going to go back to the 2nd column workout for week four. Either way, I’m steadily improving, so we’ll see.
Monkey Business
Yesterday afternoon I read the hands-down best article ever in Time. Its actually a few years old and I stumbled upon it from another site, but it was excellent. Let me summarize. Researchers at Yale taught monkeys the value of money by giving them tokens that they could trade in for Jell-O or grapes. Eventually one monkey stole a bunch of the “money” and threw it into the main monkey cage. While the researchers were frantically picking up all the stolen loot, one of them noticed that a particular monkey had taken one of the hot coins and used it to buy sex from another monkey, who it turn used the coin to buy a single grape. What can we learn from this? I guess obviously that monkeys are capable of understanding currency. But more importantly, we can see that there are such things as monkey prostitutes, and they are incredibly cheap.
July 07, 2008
Like Kings
Holy hell did we eat well this weekend. It all started late Thursday night when we walked over to the Flying Saucer for a smoked salmon and cheese plate that comes garnished with olive spread, grapes, walnuts and capers. We finished the late night snack with a hot brownie topped with ice cream and some sort of raspberry sauce.
Friday’s dinner was noodle bowls at Pei Wei. You can’t go wrong with anything on their menu; Kathryn had the Soba Miso bowl and I had Dan Dan noodles—spicy and delicious.
Saturday’s eating started at the Mediterranean place for lunch where I had a sampler platter with Dolma (stuffed grapes), Tabbouleh, Baba Ghanoush, Hummus, Tzatziki and pita. Kathryn had falafel and their amazingly addictive rice. Saturday night I made crepes stuffed with fresh asparagus, mushrooms and spinach, and topped them with an organic cheese sauce. For dessert, I made sweet crepes and stuffed them with raspberry jam and whipped cream.
Sunday’s breakfast consisted of warmed up raspberry crepes and Cheerios. For lunch we made Käsespätzle, which is fancy for spatzle mixed with melted, grated cheese. We’re learning just how awesome and yummy homemade spatzle is.
On the pushup front, in two weeks I’ve more than doubled my max from 15 to 35. Just over a third of the way to 100, but even so, this week’s workout is looking intimidating.
July 03, 2008
Hot dogs, workouts, and Krispy Kreme Donuts
I live in Arkansas, I spent most of my weekends in Tennessee and I vacation in Michigan. These are the three states that make up my life, and they are all on the 2008 list of top ten fattest states. I can only conclude that my presence somehow leads to people cramming their face holes with Krispy Kreme donuts.
At the risk of becoming a one trick pony, I have to mention my quest to 100 pushups. Last night was the most physically taxing workout yet, but it was also the easiest, which I think means I’m already getting stronger.
Finally, with tomorrow being the 4th, and all the upper-ups in Germany at the moment, it’s really empty in the office this week. I kind of like. I just sit in my corner and do whatever without anyone bothering me. As an added bonus, we’re getting hot dogs and hamburgers for lunch today. I’m so hungry already, I plan on eating four of each.
July 01, 2008
Strong Arms
At the end of last night’s workout I could definitely feel the tiniest bit stronger. I had the best finishing set yet, which was actually surprising for me because just prior to doing the pushups, Kathryn and I had taken a three mile walk around the neighborhood, so I was already feeling tired. But finish strong I did, and to celebrate, I took a shower and went to bed. That’s not quite true. I took a shower and crawled into bed where we watched an episode of Reaper and an episode of Sealab on the computer.
June 26, 2008
100 Pushups Day 2
By yesterday evening, my inner shoulders and pecks were pretty sore. Last night’s round of pushups was pretty intense. And by intense I of course mean painful. Today, my arms feel weak and just a little bit shaky, but the soreness has gone down quite a bit. I struggled through the last few reps last night, but still managed. I’m a little worried that I won't be able to make it through tomorrow’s go around, but we’ll see.
June 24, 2008
100 Pushups
How many pushups can you do? Last night I maxed out at fifteen, which was a little surprising. I think it helped having Kathryn counting out loud for me. Lest you think I make a habit out of having Kathryn count how many reps I can handle in some sort of misplaced effort to show off my machismo, let me explain that I had to find out my max because I’m starting an exercise program. One I found online that promises to allow me to do 100 pushups in just six weeks. Will it work? Who knows. I’m doubtful, but I figure if I blog about it, I’ll be much morel likely to at least continue trying.
After the initial workout last night, I’m not sore, but I can definitely feel that I did something. I’m interested to see what I’ll feel like after the next go around on Wednesday.
If anyone wants to play along at home, this is the schedule I’m following (even though I maxed out at fifteen, I’m still using the 6-10 column because I’m pretty sure the other one would kill me).
June 17, 2008
Pictures
This is the last Michigan post, I promise.
Click here to see pics from the trip. I have massive high-res ones on my laptop, but I'm saving space on Flickr, so if you want a good one to print, let me know.
June 16, 2008
Omissions
Things I forgot to mention in the last post:
Kathryn caught the biggest fish while Bryan managed to catch four rocks.
We wrapped a catfish in a red handkerchief to avoid getting pricked, and it looked
I dropped my new slider phone in the sand, and now it’s a bit sluggish in opening.
When Grody was a little too excited for a family picture Bryan had to cover it with his hand.
We must have played close to twelve rounds of Apples to Apples over the course of three nights.
I had my first taste of pickled bologna since I moved out of Michigan, and it was fantastic.
We had a mini-keg of Oberon in honor of Don.
On one of our flights, as the plane was taking off a kid behind us said, "We blasting off. Weeeeeeeee!"
June 12, 2008
Memorial Vacation
This past weekend my family converged at the old cabin on Lake Michigan. Mom rented it for the week in order to spend some time together and finally spread Don’s ashes. The trip was eventful to say the least. Kathryn got things kicked off by getting some sort of stomach bug the first night we were there. She was up most of the night clutching her stomach and slept until nearly dinner time the following day.
Monday evening we walked down the beach to a secluded spot in order to spread Don’s ashes. After we said a few words and shed a few tears dad spread the ashes along the beach, from the massive dune Don used to climb to the shore of the lake he used to swim in. Dad waded into the water to put some of the ashes into Lake Michigan, but he didn’t notice mom’s dog Saki wading in after him. As Don’s ashes blew out of the urn, they were carried by the waves straight toward Saki who, ever the optimist, was happily drinking from the lake. That’s right, my mom’s dog drank my uncle.
After our little ceremony an old family friend treated us to a short memorial squeezebox concert featuring amazing grace and a handful of old Irish tunes. From there, we honored Don by heading to a nearby casino and gambling for an hour. Don must have been watching over us because I can most of us actually doubled our money. After that, we headed back to the beach for the last bit of the memorial, celebrating Don’s life by shooting roman candles and bottle rockets out over Lake Michigan. All in all, I think it was actually a quite fitting tribute to my Uncle Don.
Much of the trip was spent visiting old memories, and I think we all had fun. Despite being slightly chilly and overcast most of the time, a few of us still managed to get a little sunburned. Though dad rightly speculates that it could just have easily been windburn.
This morning I came back to work with a few new projects on my desk. So it’s back to the grindstone for me.
June 06, 2008
Pizza and Vacation
I dreamt that I ordered a ham and pineapple pizza last night. I’m sure there was more to the dream, but that’s all I can remember.
In other news, we have a plane flight tomorrow morning taking us to Grand Rapids, where Sarah, Bryan and Cheese Ween (aka Grody) will be picking us up and taking us the rest of the way to Arcadia. I’m stoked for a few days on Lake Michigan with my family.
June 02, 2008
Cat Sitting
While Kathryn is in Florida this week, I’m cat-sitting Zimmey. He’s not a bad houseguest except for his meowing ritual at about five in the morning, every single morning. It’s down to just three or four meows now, but when he first came to visit he had prolonged meowing fits several times a night… always on my side of the bed. It was enough to drive a man crazy, or a least leave me severely sleep deprived. But things are better now and it’s nice to have another living creature in my apartment. Especially since my xbox is in the shop for repairs.
May 25, 2008
Finally Here
It's way overdue, but here's the movie we made last year for the 48 hour film project.
Watch out for the sound test at the beginning.
May 22, 2008
Photoshoping
It’s no hundred bucks like last time, but I picked up an honorable mention in last week’s Woot! Photoshop contest, which earns me free shipping on my next order. Look for Pigmann’s empty fridge.
May 19, 2008
There Really is a Kalamazoo
My current favorite tv series that I’m watching thanks to Netflix, The Unit, just mentioned Kalamazoo Michigan. That’s where I went to college. I’m practically famous!
May 16, 2008
Camping
Dust off the tent and break out the bear traps because we’re going camping. It’ll be interesting to see how our favorite campground is doing after all this rain and flooding we’ve had over the past few months. Since it’s at the bottom of a valley and a creek flows right through the middle of everything, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few sites have been washed away. If that’s the case, we could be in for an exiting weekend of playing on newly formed riverbanks and climbing over fallen trees. I can’t wait to find out.
May 12, 2008
Anniversary Weekend
This past weekend marked the two year anniversary of the first trip I made to Memphis to visit Kathryn. We celebrated by doing the same thing we did last year, reenacting the best parts of that first weekend. We started by meeting up at the coffee shop, then we had dinner at the East End Grill, lunch at Schlotzsky's, and we were going to go the park for a walk, but Sunday turned into a lazy do-nothing day. The reenacting was over, but it was still a nice day. We had a late lunch of Vietnamese Pho soup, walked around the duck pond in Kathryn’s apartment complex, and dinner was just chips and an assortment of dips in front of the tv.
P.S.
If you’re into quirky Indie movies, try Lars and the Real Girl.
May 06, 2008
Strange Start This Morning
When I woke up this morning and rolled over to look at my clock I realized my alarm wasn’t set. Fortunately, I only woke up five minutes late. I went through my morning routine and headed off to work right on time, but when I pulled into the parking lot there were no other cars. Fighting through my usual morning fog, I couldn’t think of any reason we would have had the day off to day, so I looked at the clock in my jeep and realized I was an entire hour early. I hadn’t woken up five minutes late, I woke up fifty-five minutes early. I had forty minutes to kill, which I wasted playing Crackdown on my Xbox. I lost track of time trying to up my characters states and ended up getting to work a few minutes late.
May 01, 2008
Drawings
I’ve been spending a lot of time working in Photoshop and Dreamweaver lately—some for fun, some for profit. Since I haven’t posted in a while, I thought I’d share a few of my more recent creations.
Clickity Click to see them full size at my new Flickr page.
In other news, the sound of my mouse clicking has recently changed for some reason and it's driving me crazy. I don't even want to use it without my headphones on. Is that strange?
April 25, 2008
A few degrees closer
Do you know who Helen Thomas is? I must confess, until recently I couldn’t have told you much about her either, which is a shame considering she’s really one of the few remaining mainstream political journalists with real integrity. Very briefly, according to the all knowing Wiki, she has covered every presiding since JFK and has a number of important firsts, including first female officer of the National Press Club; first female member and female president of the White House Correspondents Association; and first female member of the Gridiron Club. She’s also written a number of books. Her latest is Watchdogs of Democracy?: The Waning Washington Press Corps and How It Has Failed the Public, which sort of brings me to my point.
Helen recently pushed the White House Press Secretary about some conflicting reports from government officials (including the president) about whether or not the US tortures. Not surprisingly, she got the run around, and when the press secretary asked if anyone else had questions, the topic immediately shifted to something else. Exasperated, Helen exclaimed, “Where is everybody?” presumably calling out the other reporters for not asking the tough questions.
As I learned in one of my Journalism Law classes, historically, the press has sort of been viewed as an unofficial fourth branch of the government, with a sort of checks and balances role working to keep government transparent. Without putting words in her mouth, Helen seems to think, as I do, that in recent times, the press has failed miserably at this.
Anyway, as someone who still views journalism as a potential career path, reading about that incident really annoyed me. So I sent Helen an email thanking her for continuing to ask the tough questions and reminding her that there are a lot of us who really value what she does. I sent it off, figured I may have brightened her a day a bit and immediately let it slip from my mind. An hour later, I found a response in my inbox basically thanking me for the kind words and support. I didn’t really expect a response, let alone a personal one. It kind of touched me. More than that, I just plain think it’s cool that I’ve had real contact with a historically important figure of the press. I’m practically famous. Okay, maybe not so much, but still when was the last time you received an email from somebody who has personally talked with every president since JFK?
It also substantially increased my six degrees of separation web.
April 21, 2008
Around the world in 3 days
Without really planning it, we did an around-the-world food sampling this past weekend. We had Italian (if you count pizza), Scottish meat pies, Chinese, Mexican and homemade German spaetzle noodles. We also got our first sunburns of the season while at Lyon College’s annual Scottish Fest.
April 17, 2008
Cell Phones Make Baby Johnny Cry
I was reading an article today about a proposed law that would ban cell phones on airplanes, and a reader commented that cell phones are the new smoking. It’s funny sad because it’s true. Maybe it’s because I’m a true introvert, or maybe I’m trying to live some modern day Walden lifestyle, or maybe I just like peace and quiet, but I absolutely hate cell phones. Not just because people have a strange tendency to talk annoyingly loudly on them. I hate the very concept of being completely connected to the rest of the world 24 hours a day. I also think cell phone culture is raising a generation of rude and pretentious Bluetooth wearing kids who have no concept of personal space.
If cell phones really are the new smoking, I’d love to see restaurants with cell phone sections, where you have to sit if you’re going to yak loudly through your meal. And, office buildings with designated cell phone areas. I’m also a huge proponent of allowing movie theaters to jam cell phones so I don’t have to listen to that one idiot who has to repeat louder and louder that he’s in a movie and can’t talk right now. I hate that jackass with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. Oh, and if I was a college professor and your cell went off in my classroom, guess what, you just failed the next exam. And another thing, just because it’s set to silent, doesn’t mean everyone in the room doesn’t stare at your vibrating purse when your over-possessive jackass of a boyfriend calls every five minutes. I HATE CELL PHONES. If it wasn’t for the three-hour drive I make to Memphis every other weekend, I would seriously consider throwing mine out and going back to a good old-fashioned landline with an answering machine.
April 14, 2008
Story Idea #39
There’s a cosmic being hovering above the earth’s atmosphere. It holds the key to eternal peace and happiness for humans, but is too shy to reveal itself and deliver the message. After centuries of war, it finally musters up the courage and comes to earth. It comes down to great fanfare and delivers a speech about how it holds the secret of happiness. At the end of the speech it reveals how it had been so shy and wished it would have come down sooner because this was easier than it thought. Upon hearing that this being could have prevented centuries of war, the humans get angry and lynch the being before it can actually reveal its secret.
I hate weed wackers
At six thirty this morning I woke up to the obnoxious sound of a weed wacker being run right under my bedroom window. It’s nice that I don’t have to do anything to my lawn, but come on, who could have possibly thought it was a good idea to have the grounds crew start weed wacking at six thirty in the morning? Between that and the lawn mower, I lost an hour of sleep. Now I’m tired and grumpy. What a way to start the week.
April 08, 2008
On Pickled Eggs and Sleep Deprived Laundry
I’m so excited Poindexter is coming that I bought two cases of beer and pickled a dozen eggs. I’ve already dipped into both by myself, but only once or twice. I believe that you can’t serve a man a pickled egg if you don’t know how they turned out beforehand. For the record, they turned out damn good. Last night I also made baked a batch of cinnamon-sugar tortilla crisps for a snack. Easy to make and very tasty, though not quite as good as the deep fried kind you find at restaurants.
I was surprised I had the energy to make anything last night. It was a Memphis weekend, and after a restless night of sleep, I still had to wake up at 4:45 am in order to drive back to Batesville and get to work on time. Usually Mondays after Memphis I spend the whole evening on the couch. But last night I made dinner and cataloged a handful more of Don’s CDs. I even did a load of laundry.
April 02, 2008
More Randomness
There’s not a lot going on right now so I disappeared for a few days, but for those of you keeping track of my comings and goings down here, there are a few things to mention. Poindexter is coming down next weekend and I can’t wait. He’s in the state for some training and will be coming here afterward. I still need to find the membership card to my private club so we can go out and a beer with dinner. Either way, it’s pretty much guaranteed to be good times.
Also in the news, I have some exciting business dealings going on with Casey right now, but I don’t want to jinx it so I’m staying mum for the time being.
Finally, the 16 anniversary of Life Plus is today. That means one thing. Donuts. Unfortunately, I can’t eat donuts. Donuts, fried chicken and corndogs are all on the list of foods I feel so guilty about eating that I avoid them. For one reason or another, these three things have been so ingrained in my head as “bad” that when I eat them, I literally feel bad myself. Though I must admit that while donuts and fried chicken are completely out, the allure of corndogs is so much that I occasionally treat myself to one or three.
March 24, 2008
Skeesy Motels and Blue Whales
Last week, while stopped at a semi-skeesy Days Inn somewhere in lower Illinois, I had what was probably the strangest dream of my life. I didn’t want to forget anything so when I woke up, I made this list:
President Bush
Pet Whale
Girl Sleeps with Bush
Camera Doesn’t Get It
Bush Kills My Whale
Puma Dress Shoes
DNA Tests
Video Turns Up
Concrete Island
Ruin Election
I remember every scene that each of those items refers to. But the events connecting them are a little bit hazy. I think what really needs to be focused on here is that I had a dream in which the President of the United States of America killed my whale. It’s not every day you have a dream where the president kills your pet blue whale. I’m fairly certain I had some sort of telepathic link with the whale too, which made it all the more devastating.
Physics 101
I just scrapped a whole bunch of nonsense here because I came off as Ranty McRanterson. I guess most of what I had written boiled down to this: Einstein was right; time is relative. Here I am, sludging through the day like a sick, tired zombie and time is oozing by. Last night, after a long day of driving, I had a couple of hours to relax with Kathryn and they were over before I knew it. Sure, you could bring mathematics and physics and probably even chemistry into the argument, but what it really boils down to is time flies when you’re having fun and stops when you’re not.
March 19, 2008
Five Feet High and Rising
It’s been raining pretty much nonstop down here for a few days now and my town is on the brink of getting separated from the rest of the world. Rumor has it that the bridge heading out of town is going to be closed in a few hours due to rising water levels, and the road I take to work was literally inches away from being flooded over when I came in this morning. To the best of my limited geographical knowledge, because of other areas already flooded, the only way out of town is going to be straight north, up US 167, which just happens to be the first road I planned on taking tonight when I head home to Michigan. Unfortunately, there is a river I will have to cross at some point, and whether or not I can find a bridge that hasn’t been closed will be the deciding factor in how successful my trip out here will be. We’ve got a US atlas, an Arkansas map (that I plan on buying at the gas station before we leave) and several printouts from Google maps. Let the adventure begin.
PS
Mad props to anyone who gets the reference in this post's title.
March 10, 2008
My Back and How it Feels to be Useless
I spent most of last week in Miami chauffeuring the Germans around. It was easy work and I ate a lot of really good meals, but I did miss, as one man put it, “The most snow I’ve seen in Batesville in the 25 years I’ve been here.” Annoying to this native Michigander, but what are you gonna do? When duty calls and offers to put you up in a four star hotel and take you to gourmet restaurants, you just have to grin and bear it.
Snow and food aside, here’s where the story gets good. Friday morning when we were loading luggage into vans I hurt my back. I was stupid and performed a kicking maneuver to flip a bag up and into my arms. The bag came up just fine, but as it did, I was hit with a shooting pain in my back so bad I couldn’t hold onto the bag. It fell down while I doubled over in pain. It was safe to say that baggage loading was done, but not wanting to feel useless, I still drove the van. Every bump and pothole I hit sent pains shooting from my lower back down to my ankles.
Fortunately, our doctor was going on the cruise too so he was at the hotel. In between trips I had him take a look at me. He poked and prodded, put me through a serious of positions and concluded that yes, I had hurt my back. Apparently, at the time, and in the doctor’s office that was my hotel room, there wasn’t much else that could be done. So he helped me roll onto my side and gave me a handful of painkillers that apparently he keeps in his luggage for just such occasions. Lucky me. I was left facing the wall in the fetal position with explicit instructions not to lift anything, not even my own luggage.
March 03, 2008
The Search for Vinyl
We usually spend Saturday afternoon in Batesville’s only coffee shop, but this weekend they were in the process of changing locations. So instead I set out on a mission to find some good LPs for a new record player I just bought with some overtime cash. It’s the kind that not only plugs into a stereo but also attaches to my computer via USB so I can convert vinyl to mp3. The fun part of looking for old records it that they’re usually really cheap; at the end of day spent scrounging around yard sales you can still afford to munch on takeout Mu Shu Pork while listening to your new stack of 45s. Unfortunately, the junk store I originally wanted to revisit was no longer in business, and the antique mall we ended up browsed through had sellers who actually knew what their records were worth. I found an amazing Johnny Cash LP selling for $30.00 and a few Elvis albums for 15 bucks a pop—a little more than I was looking to spend. But in a cardboard box upstairs I picked out two albums by Herb Alpert and one by Randy Newman, all for six dollars. As an added bonus Kathryn bought an antique gold watch/necklace. Substitute Quiznos for the aforementioned Mu Shu pork and all in all, it was a pretty successful day.
February 25, 2008
On Emails and Memories
(this post liable to change after I reread it a few times)
Lately, I’ve been working to close Uncle Don’s email account, which involved sorting through 8,000+ messages to see if there was anything that should be kept. The vast majority his inbox was stuffed with junkmail, but in between ads for cheep medications and penis enlargement devices, I read a handful of emails to and from real people—mostly family members. Whenever I find a real message I feel that I’m walking a tightrope between scanning to see if it should be kept and respecting his privacy. It’s a strange dichotomy. Actually, every time I log into his account I get this sort of melancholy voyeuristic feeling marked occasionally by sudden glimpses into the private life of somebody I’ve always considered to be an extraordinary human being. It’s a task I find both comforting and uncomfortable, pleasant and unpleasant.
The more I think about what I’m doing, the more I think that it is a process of taking another person’s memories and freezing them forever in an electronic ice that consists at it’s very base not of atoms of hydrogen and oxygen, but as ones and zeros that I will never actually touch, just as I will never again touch Don. I may not have him physically, but will retain my own memories, my own organic ones and zeros. It’s also a process that helps force me to accept the fact that I will never see Don again. I will never spend another lazy Sunday afternoon in Ypsilanti, eating whatever gourmet-esk takeout Don happens to recommend; will never spend another weekend night between semesters on his couch; never watch a movie from his bed or play poker on his porch in the dark.
February 19, 2008
Shaggy Dog
You know those horrible stories you tell at parties that at first seem brilliant but halfway through you realize it’s going nowhere and will end with awkward silence? While perusing the dictionary once (yes, I know how nerdy that is) I came upon the entry for Shaggy Dog Story, which perfectly described those stories. Bourke and I latched onto that definition and occasionally send each other Shaggy Dog Stories. So I was excited to find an email in my inbox today with the subject line, you guessed it, Shaggy Dog Story. Here are a few of the best lines:
“…my sore throat is so bad by now I have resorted to itching my tonsils with Q-tips”
“The doctor I saw there was a young buck about 30ish with a full blond beard and greasy long golden hair to his shoulders.”
“He takes one look into my mouth and says… ‘You have Scarlet Fever.’ The first thing I say is ‘Well, that’s not good is it?’”
I can’t begin to explain how incredibly awesome this story was. First off, he was scratching the very back of his throat with Q-tips. I get gaggy just thinking about it. Secondly, nothing ups the confidence I have in my doctor like greasy hair and bad hygiene. Lastly, Bourke had Scarlet Fever. Let me repeat that last one: Bourke had SCARLET FEVER. I didn’t know that still existed.
The story itself was probably a little too interesting/funny to be a true Shaggy Dog Story, but it made my morning.
In other news, congratulations Kelly Kelly on your upcoming marriage.
February 18, 2008
L'Chaim!
Friday night we checked out the specialty beer section in Kroger and found this.
Needless to say, we bought it, and I’m happy to report that not only was it fun, it was delicious too. Also, the newest HE’BREW beer, Jewbelation, contains eleven hops, eleven malts, sports a whopping 11% alcohol by volume and has a campaign revolving around the amp that goes up to 11 in This is Spinal Tap. I’ve gotta get me some of that.
February 14, 2008
Comfort Carrots
Comfort food. Why is it always so unhealthy? I don’t often turn to food for comfort, but on the rare occasion that I do, why is it that I never crave carrot sticks? After a crummy day yesterday I didn’t feel like eating anything in my fridge, so I went to the Wal-Mart to look for something cheese-stuffed to smother my sorrows with. Fortunately, I was able to talk myself out of eating an entire frozen pizza for dinner like I had planned. Instead I had three packs of beef flavored Ramen and a Pepsi. As far as comfort food goes, it probably wasn’t that bad of a meal.
February 06, 2008
Tornado Update
On account of the several calls I’ve gotten this morning, I’d like to say that no tornadoes came through Batesville. They tell me that because we’re in a valley, we don’t really get them right here. Also, despite tornadoes all around her area, Kathryn made it out alive as well.
February 01, 2008
Snow
My office shut down yesterday morning around 10:30 because of a snowstorm. Even though it was hardly a “storm” by the standards I’m used to, there was definitely enough that by the time I got home, my neighbors had built quite an impressive snowman that was still standing this morning. I miss Michigan winters, so this is a nice treat.
I stopped by the coffee shop on my way home yesterday for a hot drink and enjoyed being able to soak up the warmth while I shrugged off the snow my coat caught on the quick walk from jeep to front door. If I hadn’t been in a hurry to get home for a nap, I would have sat by the window and watched the snow fall for a while. It’s a rare occasion that I get a chance for a midmorning snooze.
January 28, 2008
I Like Sandwiches
As my good friend Casey once pointed out, people will do a lot for a free sandwich. I think an interesting show would be to stand on the street and see just exactly what people would do for a free sandwich. Sort of like what would you do for a Klondike bar, but with sound effects and giant robots. It couldn’t be just any sandwich though; it would have to be something good like a foot long meatball sub, or a killer Dagwood.
Speaking of big sandwiches, Kathryn made a mean big sandwich this weekend. Picture this: Hollow out a round loaf of sourdough, then layer salami, roast beef, spinach, onions, mushrooms and mozzarella cheese. Repeat until the loaf is filled to the brim. Slap the top back on and put the whole thing in the oven at low heat for a long-ass (it’s metric) time. It’s kind of pain to eat, but it’s damn tasty and looks pretty.
Here’s my own big sandwich recipe. Cut a loaf of French bread in half lengthwise. Pile on a pound of cooked Italian sausage, a pound of shredded pepper jack cheese, roasted red peppers, green onion, Dijon mustard and a little mayo. Put the top on and bake until toasted and melty.
I know 5K has a good big sandwich recipe too, but I can’t remember what it is. But those are the kinds of sandwiches that people would their wear pants on their heads for.
January 21, 2008
On Thoughts of Cheese
Every other Monday morning at exactly 4:45 a.m., I think to myself, “What the hell am I doing?” But once I’m a little more awake and Memphis is 20 or so miles behind me, I remember that I actually like the morning drive, and it’s definitely worth the painfully-early wakeup to spend all of Sunday evening with Kathryn. Today was actually the first Memphis to Batesville morning drive I’ve had in some time. It was nineteen degrees outside and the sun didn’t rise until I was nearly three-quarters of the way home. The heater was on, the radio was on and my gloves were on. I was actually cozy and comfortable for most of the drive, which gave me plenty of alone time with my thoughts. This is what I came up with – I should have bought that cheese. Almost three hours alone in the car and the best my brain could do was lament about the fact I didn’t buy the block of Bread Cheese I found at the grocery store Sunday afternoon. Way to go me.
January 17, 2008
Tapas
I’m already excited about Valentines Day, but probably for all the wrong reasons. Just one reason actually, dinner. Right now, we’re planning on going to a restaurant that only has something like 5 or 6 entrees on the menu. Wait! Before you judge, listen to this: There are nearly 50 appetizers! More I think if you count all the cheeses separately. And, these aren’t just any appetizers either—they’re from all over the world. French appetizers and Mediterranean appetizers and Spanish appetizers and probably super-secret alien appetizers from Mars, though I haven’t had that one confirmed yet. It’s a good thing it’s almost five because I’m getting hungry.
January 14, 2008
Netflix vs Blockbuster
After Blockbuster Online limited my in-store exchanges and raised my rates, I recently switched back to Netflix, and I am loving their unlimited streaming movie. Since I only have one tv channel, and it doesn’t have many good shows I like having instant access to mind numbing entertainment. Netflix boasts a catalog of over 6,000 movies and tv shows to download. And while it is true that there are quite a few to choose from on the site, you sometimes have to sort through a number of bombs like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter before you come to the real gems, ala The Usual Suspects or Heroes: Season 1. This weekend alone I watched three or four episodes of Heros, one episode of 30 Rock, two documentaries, one full-length movie and about 5 minutes of a foreign film that didn’t appear to be going anywhere. Before you ask, yes it was a very lazy weekend. What I like best, if it doesn’t work out, I just hit the back button and choose something else. Seriously though, one of these days I will have to rent Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter just to see what it’s like.
January 10, 2008
Tax
I do most of my non-grocery shopping online these days since the selection of stores in Batesville is rather limited. Last night I was buying something for someone and I noticed something strange. I'm glad I'm not living in Massachusetts or my total would have been... exactly the same.
January 03, 2008
Long and Rambly recap
I know it’s been way too long since I’ve put anything up, especially with all of the stuff that’s been happening in my life, but I haven’t had the time, energy or drive lately. One of my many New Year’s Resolutions is to write here more regularly, along with regular exercise and possibly giving up pop. Before I start the regular postings, let me catch you up. Sadly, Uncle Don passed away late Christmas Eve. I was in Corpus Christi for Christmas with the Parkers (Kathryn’s family) when it happened. To get home we couldn’t find plane tickets even remotely reasonably priced even with a bereavement discount so we ended up on a massive day and a half travel marathon, starting at five in the morning on our way to the airport and ending with three hours of driving 40 mph through the snow. It’s a unique experience to be on the beach in shorts and a t-shirt one day then in Michigan winter the next.
The funeral was nice and I got some much-needed closure acting as a pallbearer. The act of placing Don’s casket into the hearse was surprisingly hard for me, yet offered exactly what I needed. I would/should write more about Don and his life, but I feel like there is nothing I can say here that won’t come off sounding melodramatic. However, I will say this: Don did a lot of good things with his life and touched many people; I will miss him.
Aside from the sad reason for coming home, the trip was actually quite nice as I got to see my family and friends. Not to mention all of the glorious snow and obligatory trip to Joe’s, or hearing any of the many, many good stories told over the long weekend. Kathryn is still teasing me about a certain story she heard in which yours truly making a peanut butter and ketchup sandwich.
Coming home we experienced snow in various amounts all the way into Kentucky. The thing about driving in snow is that it requires heightened concentration. I’m not afraid to do it, I don’t mind doing it, but after hours of snow driving, you tend to be quite worn out. I’m not saying this to complain, just to clarify; even though I had half a day of recovery time yesterday, I’m still exhausted and look forward to the weekend. I also woke up this morning with a headache behind my right eye. It’s finally fading after a couple of pills and half a cup of coffee, but it wasn’t a fun way to get back to work. This is my first at work after a twelve-day Christmas vacation and I’m ready for the weekend. Such is life.
Like I said, I plan on writing here more often this year, so stay tuned and good luck with your resolutions.
December 17, 2007
Coca Cola Bottles
What kind of Christmas season would it be if Coke didn’t break out the winter themed bottles? No kind if you ask me. That’s why I was amused when I stumbled across these little gems while pursuing my local Wal-Mart.
They’re quite small, just 13.5 five oz, which is only slightly more than a can. I bought a few because I’m an impulse shopper and soon realized that for some reason, which I’m sure is rooted in physics, I have trouble drinking from it. Aside from the beverage flow problems I still like the new bottle. Notice the strong winter motif—It’s a landscape with pine trees and snowflakes. It practically smacks in you in the face while screaming, “It’s cold outside so you better drink sugar water!” Perfect for the time of year.
Something I noticed right away was that in a stunning departure from tradition, the bottle has no CG polar bears or Norman Rockwell-esk Santas sipping coke while eating gingerbread men. I guess the whole cookies and coke thing never took off. There is one thing I don’t quite get though. Why did the Coca Cola Company decided to model their new Christmas bottle after a hand grenade?
You can’t deny the eerie resemblance. The only thing I can figure is that they are trying to steal customers away from Pepsi, who tends to market themselves as new and hip compared to Cokes drive for nostalgia. If that’s the case Coke could have done a little better in the design department. I took it upon myself to improve on their original design. But then I thought why stop there, so I created a new line of edgy Coke bottles.
Bottle: M68 Hand Grenade
New Tagline: Have a Blast, Drink Coke.
Note the pin and lever serve as a bottle opener.
Bottle: Small Caliber Hand Gun
New Tagline: Bustin’ Caps In Flavor
Bottle: Fat Man Atomic Bomb
New Tagline: Nuke Your Thirst With Coke
December 13, 2007
Pink Panther Bars
I was thinking about Pink Panther bars today for some reason so I decided to do a little research. Even though I haven’t seen one in a very long time, I found that they still show up on the Bomb Pop web site. So I sent them the following email asking about the situation.
To whom it may concern:
I have spent the last several years searching in vain for a specific delightful treat from my childhood--the Pink Panther bar. I notice that the Bomb Pop web site still shows them as a product, but I must say I haven't actually seen one in at least a decade. Believe me, I've looked at the side of every passing ice cream truck (and the lesser popular ice cream vans) and never have I seen the familiar pink face staring back at me.
Just thinking about the sweet, sweet cherry flavor and bubble gum eyes of that perfect dessert known as the Pink Panther bar makes my mouth water. Seriously right now it's watering, and all I have on my desk is an orange. Tasty to be sure, but nothing compared to my old favorite.
Why have you forsaken the glorious Pink Panther bar? Please tell me they are still available. I will order in bulk if I must. I’ll even spring for a second freezer to store my cache of Pinky Goodness.
Eagerly awaiting the good news,
John Jamros
November 19, 2007
High Strung
My body feels like it is so high strung that at any moment I’m going to explode into a million billion pieces of vibrating energy. Let me explain.
Yesterday afternoon I noticed a slight headache. The dull kind—just painful enough that you notice it’s there but not bad enough to prompt you to take an aspirin. Later in the evening it suddenly shifted into high gear and I felt as though somebody had shoved ten red-hot knitting needles through my right eye socket and proceeded to relentlessly wiggle them back and forth. Having given away my last Excedrin to Kathryn earlier in the day, I had no other choice but to go to bed early and hope for the best. Unfortunately the pain kept me awake, so I rummaged through the cabinet under my bathroom sink until I found something that promised to relieve pain, sinus congestion and other cold symptoms. Not ideal, but any port in a storm. I took it. I fell asleep. I woke up early. The pain had been reduced but still lingered. The knitting needles behind my eye were no longer red-hot, but they were still there, wiggling around and causing the occasional wince. Since I was up early, I stopped by the store on my way to work and bought a bottle of Excedrin Migraine and a bottle of orange juice. I immediately took the pills and chugged the orange juice. Then when I got to work, I leisurely drank my morning coffee. Now, the headache is 99 percent gone. But between my coffee and the caffeine laced migraine pills, I am wired. Combine that with the fact that I have a “desk job” and I’m already jazzed about my two-day workweek, and I am one pent up ball of electric energy, bursting at the seams.
November 14, 2007
Turkey Day
I absolutely, positively cannot wait to come home for Thanksgiving. I’m already having trouble sleeping because I’m so excited. Exactly one week from tonight, Kathryn and I will be landing in Michigan and I can finally prove to Sarah and Bryan that I do indeed have a real girlfriend, not some imaginary friend. I’ll also be able to meet Grody, see my family, watch the parade on tv, visit with friends and, perhaps most importantly, stuff myself sick with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and cranberry sauce. When you think about, is there really a better way to say thanks than eating until you are so uncomfortably full that you have to loosen your pants and take a nap? I sure don’t think so. After all, it’s what Squanto did isn’t it? Ah Squanto, that helpful former-slave who taught the pilgrims how to catch eels, cultivate maize and eat until you want to throw up just so you can eat some more. I’m sure he’d be impressed with America’s many fine Competitive Eating Champions. But I digress. I can’t wait to come home for Thanksgiving. Good times will be had. Oh yes, they will.
November 08, 2007
Random food talk
I baked bread this week, and it made my apartment smell like a bakery. Surprising I know. Last week I made a massive pot of chili. For dinner last night I cut two big slabs of fresh homemade bread, put them on a plate and slathered them with chili. Mmm. Good stuff. When I actually take the time to cook, I eat pretty damn well for a bachelor.
This weekend will mark the first pasties of the season, something I’m really looking forward too. I’ve introduced the traditional Yooper food to a number of people down here and everybody loves them. But really, who can resist the combination of pie and meat—two of nature’s most perfect foods. I think Grandma Virginia made the best pasties, but mine are pretty good too, and I look forward to a week of leftovers.
November 01, 2007
I heart meat
A funny thing happened to me last weekend. I was eating two homemade (read: Kathryn made) patty melts for dinner and I found myself thinking wow, this is a lot of meat. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. I’m what you might call, a lover of all things meat. I’ve been known to ingest whole meals consisting of nothing but meat.
But lately something has changed. In the past year or so, I’ve noticed several instances where I went a whole week without eating any meat, workweek that is. This is strange and scary territory for me. What’s next I wonder? No booze, no video games, no scooping road kill up and flinging it through my neighbors open window while shouting, “monkeys love chocolate too!” I shudder to think about how my life will be when that day arrives.
October 29, 2007
Halloween!
Happy Early Halloween!
I did this in my free time at work today.
Click on the images to embiggen.
October 23, 2007
Sad News
After a voicemail from my sister, and a quick check of the LSJ obituaries, I’m sad to say that my high-school friend Kenny Ploch passed away two days ago.
For a span of maybe five or six years, Kenny was one of my best friends. We rode bikes, played Super Nintendo, built forts, had bonfires and generally just bummed around. As we grew up our lives headed in different directions and we drifted apart shortly after I graduated high school. I haven’t seen or heard anything about him in years.
I honestly can’t say I’m surprised by the news. I think it’s safe to say Kenny was a troubled kid. He was constantly having problems at school and had more than his share of brushes with the law. One of the last few times I heard any news of how he was doing, Casey had seen him drinking while driving and swearing he was never going to go back to jail.
I got to see a different side of him though. One that I like to think maybe offered him some peace. I didn’t drink or smoke or do anything even remotely “bad” in high school. Consequently, when Kenny and I hung out, neither did he. He didn’t hide the other side of his life from me, he just respected that I didn’t want to be a part of it. That’s the Kenny I will remember.
October 15, 2007
Culture shocked
I’ve been hit with culture shock on more than one occasion since I moved down here. Mostly they’ve been centered around debates on what constitutes cold weather or misunderstandings due to southern accents (like what good could it possible do to have children collect penises for the poor). But this weekend, after playing a rousing game of The Floor is Lava with Kathryn’s cat, I asked Kathryn if she was ever in a snowball fight where you lost the ability to use whatever part of your body was hit. Many a winter night of my youth was spent locked in snow battles where I had to hop on one foot or throw with my left hand because I had “lost” a limb to a well-aimed snowball. Before she could even answer I realized the stupidity of my question. Having grown up in the south, she could only remember playing in the snow twice as a kid.
Logically I know it doesn’t really snow down here; therefore people don’t have snowball fights, sled or ski like they do up back home. But until that second, the reality of a childhood without snowball fights hadn’t quite hit me. I love snow. It’s at the top of my list of things that make me miss Michigan. I can’t imagine not growing up with real winter weather. At this point in my life I can still count the amount of Christmases I remember having with absolutely no snow on one hand. But I fear that second hand is not far off, as I already have my plane tickets reserved for Christmas in Texas this year. I’m looking forward to it. It’s going to be fun. But there will be a small twinge of homesickness when I look out the window Christmas morning and see not snow, but sand and grass… and the bay.
In a completely unrelated note, if you haven’t done so already, head over to the seedy underbelly of this page and check out the Mantoge video.
October 04, 2007
Thanksgiving
Even though it’s still a ways away, I thought I’d mention that Kathryn and I are going to come to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Right now I’m planning on going out that Friday night after Thanksgiving. Maybe Rum Runners, maybe the Riv, maybe Harpers, maybe just Joe’s. There’s plenty of time to decide, I just wanted to give everyone a heads up.
September 26, 2007
Movies Movies Movies Movies
Bored? Have a decent internet connection? Want to entertain yourself by watching the trailers for some movies that I want to see? Well great! Here you go.
Be Kind Rewind
Why I want to see it:
The premise may sound incredibly stupid, but it looks like Mos Def and Jack Black pull it off perfectly. Best of all, it’s not just Jack Black being Jack Black. He’s actually acting again.
Best line in the trailer:
“I will shoot you and I know robot karate.”
Howl's Moving Castle
Why I want to see it:
When was the last time you saw a new animated movie that wasn’t CGI? Pl