I was reading an article today about a proposed law that would ban cell phones on airplanes, and a reader commented that cell phones are the new smoking. It’s funny sad because it’s true. Maybe it’s because I’m a true introvert, or maybe I’m trying to live some modern day Walden lifestyle, or maybe I just like peace and quiet, but I absolutely hate cell phones. Not just because people have a strange tendency to talk annoyingly loudly on them. I hate the very concept of being completely connected to the rest of the world 24 hours a day. I also think cell phone culture is raising a generation of rude and pretentious Bluetooth wearing kids who have no concept of personal space.

If cell phones really are the new smoking, I’d love to see restaurants with cell phone sections, where you have to sit if you’re going to yak loudly through your meal. And, office buildings with designated cell phone areas. I’m also a huge proponent of allowing movie theaters to jam cell phones so I don’t have to listen to that one idiot who has to repeat louder and louder that he’s in a movie and can’t talk right now. I hate that jackass with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. Oh, and if I was a college professor and your cell went off in my classroom, guess what, you just failed the next exam. And another thing, just because it’s set to silent, doesn’t mean everyone in the room doesn’t stare at your vibrating purse when your over-possessive jackass of a boyfriend calls every five minutes. I HATE CELL PHONES. If it wasn’t for the three-hour drive I make to Memphis every other weekend, I would seriously consider throwing mine out and going back to a good old-fashioned landline with an answering machine.