Johnny Rockstar

Sure enough, here it is. I’m annoyed as hell. My five minute drive back to work after lunch took well over twenty minutes because people were going so incredibly slow and there were little accidents everywhere. When I got back, I was told people could go home. The town is shutting down. But I don’t want to leave because I’ll just end up in another traffic jam. My boss is from Boston, so she felt my pain when I came in bitching about the person who took a corner at three mph even though there was no snow on the road. Aaaarrrrrggg!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Granted, I grew up in Michigan--or as I refer to it down here, the Land of Ice and Snow--but people down here go bat-shiat crazy over bad weather. Mr. Weatherman says a little snow is on the way and people are freaking out. Here’s a snippet of a conversation I overheard this morning.

Person A: Is it really going to be as bad as everyone is saying?
Person 2: Yeah, we’re supposed to get one to three inches starting this afternoon.
Person A: I’m going to get snowed in on my day off.

I have some sympathy for people here. They’re not used to it, I get that. But being snowed in after three inches is just plain ridiculous. Is it really that hard to grasp the concept of slow down and break early? I say that now, but I’ll be just as annoyed when I get stuck behind somebody doing 25 in a 55. Sometimes, the South pisses me off.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What the hell is other? Does anyone call it something else?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

To My Face,

Face, you are 26 years old, don’t you think it’s about time you quit acting so juvenile and finally stop with the acne already? It’s time to grow up and act your age. Despite what you may believe, acne doesn’t make you look younger. Moreover, you’re only 26; you don’t need to look younger. At this point you should look smooth and adult. Your insistence on continuingly developing new zits only serves to annoy the rest of the body. Consequently, I am formally asking you to immediately cease and desist the following three activities.

1. Overproduction of oil, especially in the areas around the nose, temples and hair line.
2. Formation of new zits on a semi-daily basis.
3. Growing facial hair so fast (just a favor to me as I detest shaving).

If you refuse to discontinue these activities, I will be forced to action buy purchasing expensive exfoliating face washes then proceeding to scrub the living hell out of you causing you much agitation. After which I will apply aftershave, rubbing alcohol or any other disinfectant that will dry you out completely. This is your final warning.

That will be all,
Johnny Rockstar

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I did my federal taxes last night (in record time I might add) and found that I’m only getting back half of what I was hoping for. It was a major disappointment, but I guess it makes sense, since I made twice as much this year as I did last year. After that huge bummer, instead of being productive like I had planned to be, I sat on the couch sulking and slaughtering zombies on the Xbox.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This isn’t mine. It’s from a site called http://thedailywtf.com. But it’s short, and it’s funny and it’s something that I can see myself doing.

In the late '90s, the company I was working for was trying to hire a technical writer. Our boss thought it was important that the developers, all four of us, interview each candidate as a group. Since I'm terrible at conducting interviews, I figured I would sit back and let our manager and the other developers do all the work. My plan back-fired.

When my manager asked the candidate if she had any questions for us, she responded with a fairly tame question: What do each of you like about working here? Yup, I blew it. Not being prepared and trying to come off as casual and funny I answered, What I love about working here is Pants-Free Fridays.

Stunned silence was followed by forced laughter. After a few more quick and awkward questions the interview was over. I was politely, and thankfully, asked not to sit on any more interviews. We ended up offering her the position but for some reason she turned it down.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I had another video game night this past weekend. Before I got started though, I had to update my account. I considered changing my icon, but ultimately decided not to. However, this did get me thinking about icons in general and how we, the internet generations, choose screen names and icons that represent us. My screen name is Pigmann, my icon is a cartoonish image of a screaming man whose eyeballs are bulging out of his head. What does that say about me? There is a serious cultural study to be done here. Here are a few names of other gamers I played with:

Retireguy06
KERMIT101
Buttercup X
BEEF BOI
HOTDOG SMUGGLER
thepoopofdeath

Of course there are also a slough of names like CapBuster, BlutTwister420, Death4U and other names that “hardcore” 15 year-olds find intimidating. I look for games with the funnier names because I think they tend to be less serious players who are more fun to play with.

Overheard: After being ripped to shreds with a chainsaw by thepoopofdeath somebody remarked, “Man, he really is the poop of death.”

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Due to a slew of spam comments, I’ve temporarily shut down the comments. I’ll have them back up as soon as I install some good anti-spam plugins.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I love the internet. If it was legal I would move to Vermont and marry the internet. Then we would settle down in a quaint two story brick house and start a family of freakish, interconnected, electronic children with monitors for heads, Cat5 cables for veins and fake silicon skin. Freaky fetishes aside, at this moment I love the internet because it allows me access to Michigan radio stations. The Impact was my favorite station in the East Lansing area, and via the magic of computers, I can listen to it here at work. On Wednesday nights, when I think to do it, the internet provides me with access to SWaG! Radio. It’s a taste of home when I’m stuck down here in Arkansas.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Still being sick and not having the energy to make dinner, I stopped by the stinky Kroger for an easy meal on my way home from work yesterday. Fizzy drinks feel good on a sore throat so I grabbed a bottle of Canada Dry Ginger Ale. Then in another part of the store, while I was searching for ready-made tortellini, I stumbled upon a specialty pop section. Low and behold they had my Vernors! Oh sweet gingery burning relief that is cold Vernors on my throat, I love you more than I love a good cheeseburger. And I’m a man who really loves his cheeseburgers.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After spending the past week and a half in Memphis, it was damn hard to come back to work this morning—even harder because I woke up with a sore throat and that hard to describe icky, achy, floaty feeling that accompanies a cold. Had I not been out all last week, I probably would have called in sick today. For sure, I would have gone home at lunch. Instead I rented a few movies while at lunch and plan to spend the evening on the couch. It’s times like this I really miss Michigan. I would give up my first born for two liter of Vernor's.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)