Johnny Rockstar

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you’re having a wonderful holiday.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This tale really starts Friday night during my Xbox live marathon. After staying up late doing that I woke up earlyish and drove to Kathryn’s place in Memphis. I arrived a little tired and ready for a nap but we had to do some Christmas shopping for me first. Hey, it’s shopping for me so I can’t complain. On our way to the mall we stopped at a New Orleans themed restaurant for lunch. Let me break to say that usually, when we’re in Memphis she pays for everything and when we’re in Batesville I pay for everything, which is probably not exactly fair as there are only a handful of restaurants to eat at in Batesville and most of them are in the cheap-as-hell section of Zagats. So anyway, Kathryn plops down her credit card at the end of the meal and pays for lunch, then we cruise over to the mall to buy a pair of pants.

After eating I’m even more tired and the mall is absolutely packed. Shoulder to shoulder is no exaggeration. We pick out some pants and I try them on… to small. I have to try the size up. These fit fine except they need to be hemmed. Then I have to wait for the lady to find her pins. She stands me up on the little box by the mirrors under what has to be the hottest lamp I have ever encountered. As I stand there waiting for the lady to pin my pants, I am literally wiping sweat off my brow. I’m getting seriously tired at this point and anyone who knows me very well knows that I get cranky when I’m tired. Somehow I manage to stay cool through another pinning session on my second pair of pants and we head to the cashier. All we had to do was pay and I could get my nap. But at this point Kathryn realizes she left her credit card at the restaurant. We fight through the mall back outside, fight through holiday shopping traffic and get back to the restaurant to find that the manager has the credit card. Good deal, except the manager is out running errands. I’m tired, I’m seriously cranky and I just want my damn nap. The people at the restaurant are apologetic and nice. They even appease us with free beer. I order a Corona and it comes in an ice-cold, frosty mug. It’s the most delicious beer I’ve ever tasted. Suddenly, I’m not so cranky. The manager comes back after a few minutes and hands Kathryn her credit card. I down the rest of my beer, then I down the rest of Kathryn’s beer. We go back to her place and then, basking in the warm feeling that comes with receiving free beer, I finally get my nap.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I finally figured out how to share my laptop’s internet connection with my Xbox 360. The result was eight straight hours of online Gears of War last Friday. As with any other online account, I had to create a user name. In a throwback to 1997, I went with my original online moniker, Pigmann. Several people commented on it, and during game play I was often referred to as piggy or just plain pig. Probably the best username I came across was Muffin Man. Turns out, Muffin Man was quite good. Before one match my teammates were talking about strategy and how we needed to stop Muffin Man. Then, as we headed into battle, somebody said, “I’m gonna get a big glass of milk and take out the Muffin Man.” It’s a far cry from the trash talking I was expecting to hear, and we all had a good chuckle before being blown to bits or ripped to shreds with the chainsaw bayonet by the nefarious Muffin Man.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What kind of a world do we live in when the front page of CNN.com features the news that George Clooney's pet pig has died?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I woke up this morning to cold weather, but no snow. Major disappointment, but not as disappointing as when I tried to start my jeep and found it wouldn’t even turn over. It didn’t even make that clicking sound. The same thing happened last year on a particularly cold morning, and after having it towed, the damn thing started just find for the mechanic. I still had to pay 75 bucks though. Not wanting to pay for the mechanic to do nothing, I fixed the problem myself.

Johnny’s directions on how to fix a jeep that won’t start.
Step 1: Stand on the front bumper
Step 2: Jump and down a bunch of times.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)