Open Letter From Way Back
To The Bassist In The Crappy Warm Up Band:
Let me be blunt; your band sucks harder than an atomic powered super-sized vacuum cleaner. Ignoring the fact your performance resembled a bunch of epileptic monkeys, not to mention the fact that real epileptic monkeys probably hold more entertainment value than your dismal performance did, please allow me to offer this one piece of constructive criticism. I don’t think I’m alone in my belief that it is not cool to spit a massive loogie into the air and catch it in your mouth. It’s actually quite disgusting and the fact that you, the bassist, the guy who’s rightful place is near the back, move to the front of the stage to do it, makes the act all the more revolting. You are obviously under the mistaken impression that catching loogies is the in thing to do. Maybe you think all the cool kids are doing it. You are wrong. Maybe if your act didn’t gross people out, you would have more fans. Think about it.
Good luck,
Johnny
Comments
It is a tough thing but someone has got to show all those tent pitching pants and loogy tossers the light.
Posted by: ~kathryn | May 9, 2006 09:50 AM
Damn you John and your "rules." You're just a part of the System, man, you're part of the Establishment. Catching a loogie in his mouth is his way of sticking it to the man. He's a rebel, don't try and put your values on him. Yeah.
Posted by: G | May 9, 2006 11:56 AM
I don't remember getting that letter. I don't remember you being at that gig either. And at least I caught the damned thing and it didn't land one someones head...
Wait, that couldn't have been me. I'm so uncoordinated there's no way I could ever catch my loogie. Hell, I'm so uncoordinated it's amazing I can play bass at all!
Posted by: sonicfrog | May 9, 2006 03:25 PM
Open letter to my pants:
Again you have failed me in an attempt to supply me with great comfort. I hate the fact that you are so restricting, much like a ball hugging pair of underpants. I know you don't spit loogies and catch them in your mouth like the disgusting douche of the warm-up band, but you still suck. Just thought you should know that.
Love Always,
Senator Five-K
PS: Who spits loogies and catches them. Gross.
Posted by: Five-K | May 9, 2006 08:20 PM
wow.. that is gross
Posted by: kelly kelly | May 9, 2006 09:38 PM