Beyond Bad Movies
Dear Hollywood,
On behalf of moviegoers everywhere, please stop letting Uwe Boll make shitty movies. Every movie Uwe Boll is involved in turns to shit and he shouldn’t be allowed to enter a theater, much less a production set. His penchant for taking mediocre video games and turning them into awful movies makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a spoon, then disinfect the empty sockets with gasoline. The only thing more revolting than his terrible movies is his earnest belief that they are actually good. Come on, who really believes it’s a good idea to splice actual video game footage into a movie? I mean, what the hell is that about? I know the game-to-movie genre will never contain “great” movies, but does it have to contain Boll’s craptacular monstrosities? (Hint: The answer is no) I noticed that he has several game-to-movie adaptations scheduled for the near future; if you could perhaps make him “disappear” before they start filming, that would be great. Also, if it’s not too much trouble, maybe you could destroy every copy of every film he’s ever been involved with. I would be more than happy to help with that. I’ve heard lab rats forced to watch his movies actually developed eye cancer.
Thank you,
Movie Goers Everywhere
AKA Johnny Rockstar
Comments
sorry.. never heard of him that however seems like a good thing.. what movies are these so i will be sure not to watch them
Posted by: kelly | March 31, 2006 09:16 AM
House of the Dead - Possibly the worse movie ever made.
Alone in the Dark - Not horrible.
BloodRayne
Postal
A Dungeon Seige Tale
Posted by: Johnny | March 31, 2006 11:18 AM
DOOM: a crappy video game movie that could only have been made worse if Uwe Boll directed it. In other news, a really good friend of mine is doing concept design for Resident Evil 3
Posted by: G | March 31, 2006 11:28 AM
Doom is the best video game to movie adaptation yet. Not a "great" movie, but great considering where it came from.
Posted by: Johnny | March 31, 2006 01:11 PM
You're not alone in your sentiments there, Johnny. Twelve thousand, three hundred and thirty three (and counting) movie fans can't be wrong.
Posted by: Barefoot | March 31, 2006 02:03 PM
yah yah uwe boll is shitty, let's get an unruly crowd around, get some torches and find his home!
Posted by: Fun Police | April 1, 2006 01:53 PM
Yay for the fun police. I didn't think you were actually going to show back up.
Posted by: Johnny | April 1, 2006 05:24 PM
3 points for using one of my favorite words in the world, craptacular. Speaking of shitty movies, anyone going to go see "Slither" when it comes out?
Posted by: Five-K | April 1, 2006 06:31 PM
I would if I had someone to go with.
Posted by: Johnny | April 1, 2006 06:34 PM
Question time: what is the animal that is being cooked?? its rather disturbing haha, in a good way.
Posted by: kelly | April 2, 2006 11:06 AM
It's a pig roast.
Posted by: Johnny | April 2, 2006 02:18 PM
hmm ha i thought it was a baby elephant!
Posted by: kelly | April 2, 2006 08:25 PM
What's going on, I blacked out
Posted by: Huck | April 2, 2006 08:48 PM
Anybody else notice that all these video game adaptations are basically zombie games? Thank God Peter Jackson is doing Halo...
Posted by: G | April 3, 2006 10:26 AM
correction, Guillermo del Toro is doing Halo. my bad
Posted by: G | April 3, 2006 10:28 AM
OOO great just when i thought i was able to get over my halo addiction they are now coming out with a movie
Posted by: KELLY | April 3, 2006 10:47 AM
I think they should make a movie out of the videogame Tetris.
Posted by: Huck | April 3, 2006 12:06 PM
Yeah, but then Uwe Boll would screw that up, and I wouldn't be able to play Tetris for years afterward. I'd probably buy that soundtrack though.
Posted by: G | April 3, 2006 11:11 PM
If anyone could find a way to give Tetris bad dialoge and plot holes, Uwe Boll could.
Posted by: Johnny | April 4, 2006 01:07 PM