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December 29, 2005

Never before seen footage As

Never before seen footage

As I was sitting here at my desk working on an article about the mind/body connection and how your feelings can affect your overall health, I was inspired to create a couple new cartoons. Actually, they have nothing to do with the article, I just found my mind wandering in-between paragraphs revolving around the insular cortex and how it both regulates the autonomic nervous system and processes emotions like fear, joy, anger and happiness. Generally speaking, it’s all very interesting stuff, but it just doesn’t hold up against something as intellectually compelling as new Johnny Rockstar cartoons.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 12:44 PM | | Comments (0)

December 28, 2005

Open Letter Chuck, A few

Open Letter

Chuck, A few days ago as I was coming out of Subway when I looked across the street to the gas station and I saw you. You were standing there pumping gas into your car and talking to somebody I couldn't see. My first thought was litterally, "What are Jen and Chuck doing in Arkansas?" Then I realized that it couldn't have been you because, surely I would have been notified if you two were going to be passing through my remote town. So I walked a little closer and it turns out it wasn't you at all, but instead it was a rather large lesbian. So got into my car and drove away with the warm feeling one gets when they spot a friend's long lost twin of the opposite sex.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:46 PM | | Comments (0)

December 27, 2005

A brief list of the

A brief list of the girls I've dated

While working on an essay I came up with this partial list.

The tomboy
The cheerleader
The high-maintenance one
The sweet one
The bitchy one
The wrestler
The skinny one
The short one
The cutter
The fat one
The tall one
The one who dumped me on Valentines Day
The one I dumped the day after Christmas
The one who dumped me with a typed letter
The artistic one
The one I broke up with, twice
The dumb one
The innocent one
The problem solver
The one who broke my heart
The one whose heart I broke
The dancer
The experienced one
The depressed one
The cheerful one
The one who hated her father
The one who loved my mother
The one who cheated on me
The one who circled yes
The one who couldn’t say no
The one I scared away
The smart one
The one who broke up with me, twice
The musician

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:23 PM | | Comments (0)

December 22, 2005

Attack of the 50 foot

Attack of the 50 foot Jesus

For anyone who has heard Casey or myself talk about the ginormous Jesus we saw in Ohio, (More like Suck-hio) I stumbled a photoshop contest on Fark from ealier this year. It's not too recent so some of the pictures are gone, but it's still fun, especially if you've actually driven past this thing in all its glorious absurdity. Generally speaking I don't like to mock religion because, well I'm religious, but come on. Who needs a 50 foot Jesus in front of their church?

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:39 AM | | Comments (0)

December 21, 2005

CartoonI think toothpaste for dinner

Cartoon

I think toothpaste for dinner is my current favorite web cartoon, funny or comic if you will. Though I'm still cubical free, I think I'm enjoying it more as it often employs office humor. I actually created a bookmark folder just for my favorite toothpaste comics.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:18 PM | | Comments (0)

December 20, 2005

Did you get the memo

Did you get the memo about the TPS reports?

Do you know what a professional Fluffer is? No? In the adult film industry a Fluffer is the person who, shall we say, gets the leading man ready for his *ahem* big scene. Get the picture? Good. I picked up a new project at work today that will basically entail me proofing and making creative changes to a lengthy product information guide. No big deal; I do it a lot. A big part of my job is taking things that have already been written and make them pop. However, when I was being told about this project, the person kept referring to what I was doing as fluffing. I don't know why, maybe I'm just a dirty boy, but every time I was told I was going to "fluff it up," the aforementioned definition would pop into my head. I’m not sure I can adequately explain how strange and awkward that made the meeting for me. Fortunately, I can be quite professional when I want to be and I never even cracked a smile.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 11:59 AM | | Comments (0)

December 18, 2005

Thank you Chuck Norris A

Thank you Chuck Norris

A few weeks ago Bryan Posted this, but after seeing something similar in 5K's away message I couldn't help but put it up here too. Delta Force Rules!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 03:28 PM | | Comments (0)

December 16, 2005

I hate cell phones Surprisingly,

I hate cell phones

Surprisingly, the following rant is not about bad service or inflated bills. My dislike of cell phones runs far deeper than that. I don’t like cell phones. I never have. I hate them with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. Maybe that’s not entirely true, I should say that I haven’t liked them since I was old enough to realize the negative impact they were having on society. Even though I have carried a cell for yeas, in theory I am still opposed to them. As such I take pains to regulate my own use. That is to say I rarely use mine in public, I usually keep it set on vibrate so it doesn’t disturb other people, I don’t use it as a way to make personal calls at work and I certainly never answer it in a movie theater. On dates, I either turn it off or leave it at home. Basically I try not to do the things that annoy me when other people do them. Sure, I occasionally do some of those things, but I try hard not to. I even refrain from answering every single call purely on the principal that I don’t want to be that connected to the world. Maybe it’s the introvert in me, but I don’t particularly like the idea that I’m constantly connected to everyone and that I could receive a phone call no matter where I am or what I’m doing. When I voice my opinion I get a lot of, “I need it in case of emergency.” That’s great, a benefit of living in the modern age. So get the bare minimum plan and keep your phone turned off and in your glove box. Don’t yell into it in the library when I’m trying to study. Contrary to what you might believe, I don’t want to hear about how big a jerk your boyfriend is.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 05:24 PM | | Comments (0)

December 15, 2005

Series of unfortunate events Actually

Series of unfortunate events

Actually it wasn't much of a series. Just two events. Number one, my phone fell out of my coat pocket. Two, it rained. Same number, new phone, no contacts. Call me so I can add you to my phone. Email me if you need number.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:46 PM | | Comments (0)

December 13, 2005

Your mistletoe is no match

Your mistletoe is no match for my *TOW* missile.

This is just too good to not pass along. First let me start off by saying, I thought Dr. Who ended long ago. But apparently he is still going strong. In fact there is about to be a special Christmas episode that, "features a gang of deadly robot Santas and a killer Christmas tree." How great is that? If I wasn't too cheap to get cable, you wouldn't be able to stop me from watching.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:39 PM | | Comments (0)

December 12, 2005

Bla Bla Bla Here is

Bla Bla Bla

Here is a sentence that you’ll probably never hear me say again: Alec Baldwin was great in this movie. Alongside Mathew Broderick, its easily Baldwin’s best performance since The Hunt for Red October. Baldwin has some great lines. Go rent The Last Shot and while you’re at the movie store pick up Ong-Bak too, if you can stand sub-titles. Billed as a movie with, “No stunt doubles, no computer images, no strings attached,” it is amazing to see what that guy is capable of. It’s also the first martial arts movie in quite a while to really make me cringe. Speaking of good movies, why in the world did they not record this(mp3) whole song for the High Fidelity soundtrack? A) It’s an amazing cover. 2) I don’t know a single, single male who didn’t fall in love with Lisa Bonet after seeing her in that scene. That fact alone would have significantly boosted album sales.

In case you couldn’t tell, I didn’t do much this weekend. I mostly sat around watching movies and playing Jade Empire on the Xbox. It was just the kind of weekend I needed, though putting off cleaning means my place is still a bit of a mess. Parts of it anyway, I guess I’ve matured to the point of wanting to put the effort into keeping my place clean. For the first time in my life, my bedroom is always near spotless. Aside from the bed needing to made, the dirtiest it gets is a pair of still clean jeans on the chest at the foot of bed. The office seems to stay clean too, probably because I don’t like having a cluttered workspace. Yes, it’s true I actually do work in my office, another testament to my newfound maturity. I just need to clean up my kitchen and the area directly surrounding the couch tonight, and I’ll be back to living like an adult. A clean adult.

For the sake of nothing other than I don’t want to go back to work just yet, let’s recap my pointless babbling for today:
A. Rent Ong-Bak and The Last Shot
B. I love Lisa Bonet
C. I’ll be spending my evening doing dishes

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:51 PM | | Comments (0)

December 09, 2005

What kind of stinking superhero

What kind of stinking superhero loses his powers to a cup of coffee in the crotch?

Holy balls, I can't wait for V for Vendetta to come out. I had just ordered the graphic novel on which the movie is based, minutes before stumbling across the movie version. I'm a nerd, I can admit that. Before a scary looking Batman graced my computer desktop it was Superman. Actually it was Peanutzilla, but before that it was superman. I just changed my work computer from the Green Arrow to the eerie mask worn by V. I'm currently reading several graphic novel series including The Sandman, Sin City, and Lone Wolf and Cub. But I think that trailer proves the graphic novels I read, well most of them at least, are a far cry from the comics of yesteryear. Plus it’s the freaking Wachowski brothers, so get excited about this movie. And learn who Guy Fawkes was before you do.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 12:46 PM | | Comments (0)

December 07, 2005

Sprechen Sie Deutsches There's a

Sprechen Sie Deutsches

There's a certain thrill to seeing your name printed next to something you've done. It's a whole different thrill entirely to see you name appear in the midst of a foreign language. Earlier today I was emailed a .pdf file of the magazine I wrote a few articles for several weeks ago. The actual magazine won’t be out for a little bit yet, but I get to see an advance copy because I’m special. Though I couldn’t really read my articles because… well the old saying “I’m my own worst critic” applies double to me and I can’t stand reading anything I’ve written once it’s set in stone. However, I also received a copy of the magazine’s German translation and that was fun to look through. I guess I’m still getting used to having a “real” job because it’s weird for me to think that something I wrote was important enough to be translated into another language. I have yet to wrap my mind around the fact that I can, in all honesty, say that I’m a writer. All through college people would ask me what I was going to do with an English major. Turns out, write for a German magazine, ha!

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:47 PM | | Comments (0)

December 05, 2005

Bad poetry! Oh noetryThe Red

Bad poetry! Oh noetry

The Red Wheelbarrow so much depends upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens

Did I write that? No, William Carlos Williams did. If I could write something that precise and beautiful I would be famous. Also I would have to change my name to Johnny Eduardo Johnson or something similar. I'm just in a literary mood at the moment so I thought I would share my number two all time favorite poem. Number one is a little something called The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Incidentally, it's the only poem by Elliot that I do like. I find him to be a bit... I hate to use the word pretentious, but he definitely demands too much from his readers. So what if I’m not fluent in seven languages, that shouldn’t mean I can’t enjoy poetry. Suck it Eliot, suck it long and hard for all your obscure and all too frequent allusions. Three other great poets, all of whom happened to write in the 20th century, in no particular order:

Bob Dylan
Robert Frost
Donald Anderson

If you can’t tell, I’m in a literary mood tonight. I guess red wine and stack of anthologies will do that to a person. Check out the new pictures on the right and a couple new links on the left. I’m working on some new cartoons, hopefully they’ll be up at the end of the week.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:39 PM | | Comments (0)

December 04, 2005

Long string of thoughtsBefore Thanksgiving

Long string of thoughts

Before Thanksgiving I saw a neat looking instrumental-swing Christmas album at the local bookstore. Since I'm a staunch believer in one holiday at a time, I didn't buy it. But when I went back this morning it was no longer on the shelf. So instead, I bought Christmas With The Rat Pack. (Incidentally, I've always wanted that poster, hint hint.) I'm probably the only straight 25-year-old male in the world who owns this CD. Say what you want about Sammy Davis Jr., that cool cat can belt out a mean Jingle Bells. And The Chairman of The Board, Old Blue Eyes himself... forget about it. Nobody in the history of the world has been or ever will ever be as cool as Frank Sinatra. With the possible exception of Humphrey Bogart of course. That would be one hell of a fight, Bogart Vs. Sinatra. Or better yet a double feature: Bogart Vs. Mothra followed by Sinatra Vs. Rodan. Oh wait, here's a good one, Mechagodzilla Vs. Chuck Norris. Hey Bryan, what was that Chuck Norris fact site? Also, remember that time I had to check the temperature of the ham so I stuck my fingers in it, then you told me next time I should at least buy the ham a drink first? I was thinking of that the other day for some reason. Also on a different, the other day, I rented a documentary on Kasparov Vs. Deep Blue. It was really interesting even though it was definitely slanted to try and say there was human intervention in Deep Blue's process. On one of my Live CD's the band has a discussion about what it meant for Kasparov, a human to lose to deep blue, a machine. For 2 two points, name that band.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 02:27 PM | | Comments (0)

December 01, 2005

Name that movieFive points if

Name that movie

Five points if you can name the movie this comes from: "In his defense, Charley thought twice about the following strategy, but the gloves are off when people start stealing sperm."

Because I'm so confident that nobody will get it with just one clue, this is from the same movie: "When you're a gay man, it's hard to feel bad about yourself when a urologist says, "Yeah. I pick you."

In other news congratulations to Bourke.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 08:02 PM | | Comments (0)

Friday Five... on Thursday 1.How

Friday Five... on Thursday

1.How high/low do you wear your pants? Depends on what I'm wearing. I generally wear jeans just below or right on my hips. Khaki and suit pants go just above my hips, old man style.

2. How often do you wear a belt?
Always, my daddy taught me a gentleman always wears a belt.

3.Do you change cloths after work?
Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm going back out, I usually just untuck my shirt, unbutton the wrists and change into jeans. Otherwise, I'll stay in my work cloths until I put on pajama pants.

4. Favorite place to buy cloths?
Thrift stores or the Salvation Army. Also Old Navy but don't spread that around.

5. Jewelry?
Just my watch and my Saint medallion and uh, my nipple rings. But I wish I still had all my other piercings.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:40 PM | | Comments (0)